The controversy over parenting while stoned rages on. Does smoking pot make you a more engaged parent -- and does it make the tedious tasks of parenting way more fun? Or is parenting while high just too dangerous? I know Mary Jane works differently on different people. But just speaking for myself, I've got to side with a writer who recently said, "Hey Pot Smokers, Your Kids Know You're Stoned." That stuff doesn't make me feel more mellow and engaged. It makes me kind of crazy. And I'm not even paranoid. (OR AM I.)
Here's how you can tell when someone's parenting while stoned, and not just tired.
"Mommy, I've got a boo boo!"
Tired: You can't remember where you put the bandages.
Stoned: You pick out the bandage with the grooviest colors (SpongeBob, FTW!). Then you take a good look at that scrape because it's fascinating. Have you ever noticed how beautiful blood looks when it's oozing out of an abrasion?
The kids are hungry.
Tired: I've got a great idea -- cereal for dinner!
Stoned: You pull out a bunch of snacks, start a big pot of spaghetti, order pizza, eat all the cheese puffs, toast some Pop Tarts, and ... forget to actually serve any of this to the children.
"Mama, play Candy Land with me!"
Tired: You hope your child doesn't notice you napping between turns.
Stoned: "I love this game! Have you ever wanted to actually visit Candy Land in real life? We should make that together! I'll melt some chocolate. I think we have gumdrops around here somewhere ... What, it's my turn?"
The baby wakes up early from her nap, crying.
Tired: You cry, too. Bitterly. WHY, WHY, WHY????
Stoned: Wow, a baby's cry would make the most amazing atonal symphony. I should be recording this on my iPhone! Where is my iPhone?
Do you think it's safe to parent while stoned?