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should I tell her?

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I have a little problem so my daughter is almost 9 and when she was a year old her bio dad and I split up for abusive reasons, well he is a dead beat and has never been in her life or paid a dime for her. Well When she was a little over a year i started dating this guy and now we have been together for 8 and a half years but my daughter thinks he is her real dad and doesn't know a thing and I feel bad and think she has the right to know but my hubby thinks we should keep it a secret. He is scared that she is not going to love him as much etc. I think everything will be fine but I'm so tore. She is a huge daddy's girl and I don't want anything to change that
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 1:44 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Yes, I believe you should tell her.
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM
3 moms liked this
This - it's just perfect!

Quoting Des10ed2b:

my best friend did this with her daughter and my sister did it with her first born. just explain that her DAD is the same person. a DAD is a person who loves, raises, and commites their life to caring for a child. the other guy who is just who helped make her. You just wanted to let her know since sex ed and everything is coming up. it doesnt change anything, it just shows that there are all different kinds of families, but a family means love, regardless of who it is. 

by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:28 AM

Right now would probably be a good time. If you wait until she is 16 and going through the "I don't want to do anything you tell me" phase....then that news can be used against you. She at a time in her life she would be able to understand it and probably process it better.

by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:29 AM

i think she would get more bitter the longer you keep it from her. She is coming up fast on the age when the school does things in science about traits and DNA etc etc like how you won't have a cleft chin if dad doesn't etc. It would be terrible for her whole class to know and point it out to her from something like that. That happened to a boy in my class :( We felt terrible about it afterwards but kids don't know when to stop pushing an issue

by Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:32 AM
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm all about being honest. Explain the cycle of life to her and where babies come from and all that and throw in sometimes a man and a woman make a baby and the man leaves and someone better comes along who is a real daddy and stays forever.
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by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:38 AM

If you don't tell her, someone else will.

by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:39 AM
1 mom liked this

depends on her maturity level. do you think she will take it badly? is she really close to your husband? i would use those questions to determine whether or not she is ready to know NOW, but eventually yes you need to tell her if for nothing more than medical reasons

by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:48 AM
My best friend had to make this choice to. Unfortunately it didn't work out for them that well. Her daughter resented her dad and she don't have a close relationship with her bio dad today as well. I know its always best to tell the truth, but I think if a decision like that can break a familly into's better to keep it to yourself. And definitly in the situation where the bio dad didn't want to be part of that childs life.
by on Jun. 11, 2013 at 10:49 AM


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