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why doesn't my daughter want friends?

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 3:47 PM
  • 101 Replies

I have a 9yr daughter going into 4th grade and she don't interact with other kids.

we live outside the city in a rural area but we still have neighbors but none of them around her age. during the school year she plays with the kids in her class and I'll ask who her bestie[best friend] and she says she don't know.  I ask her why she don't want to call her friends after school and on the weekends and she says she doesn't know.

I don't know what to do,  when I was a kid I was around my friends all the time but I come from the city.

Anybody else have this happen?

by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 3:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Summerlove0617
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 3:52 PM
1 mom liked this

So you think she's being picked on our bullied?

crazymomof2374
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 4:30 PM
3 moms liked this
Is she shy? I was very shy when I was her age and it was hard for me to make friends.
Janet
by Ruby Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 6:38 PM

That's what I was thinking. She might be shy.

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Jun. 13, 2013 at 6:42 PM
1 mom liked this

She might just be shy. I was shy when I was younger and it took me a long time to hang out with friends.

goldilocksbecky
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 6:44 PM
27 moms liked this

Some people are just introverted and prefer/need time alone.  I deal with people day in and day out in my job.  But my idea of a wonderful Friday or Saturday night involves curling up on the couch in my pajamas with a good book or a good movie or my ipad.  The idea of going out with people, even a small gathering at someone's house, would be more of a chore.  It would be infringing on my much needed hermit time.

Do you have any reason to think that she's being bullied or shunned?  Does SHE seem to be bothered by the lack of friends or is she OK with it?  If you don't think she's being bullied or left out and she seems OK with it, then I'd leave it alone.  That may just be her personality and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  If you think she wants to be included but is being left out, then take steps to help her make friends.  Invite people over, etc.


amandap33
by Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 9:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm pretty sure she isn't being bullied,  I had a meeting with her teacher and she said my dd interacts fine with the other kids.

Maybe I should just let her work it out on her own.  I just don't want her to be an outsider.

goddess99
by Michelle on Jun. 13, 2013 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this

She doesn't seem like an outsider to me. I would let her work it out herself. Eventually she'll met someone and it will just click.

Quoting amandap33:

I'm pretty sure she isn't being bullied,  I had a meeting with her teacher and she said my dd interacts fine with the other kids.

Maybe I should just let her work it out on her own.  I just don't want her to be an outsider.


goldilocksbecky
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 6:00 AM
9 moms liked this


See, you're still saying "I don't want her to be to be an outsider" like it's a bad thing, and that's a mindset that you might need to work on.

If your daughter WANTS to hang out with people or make new friends, but is being excluded or doesn't have the social skills or courage to initiate those things, then that's a problem and something that you need to step in and help her with.  But if she is capable of interacting with others (as the teacher said), but prefers to spend her leisure time alone and to not have a big social circle, then that's NOT a problem.  And the only thing you need to do about it is change your mindset and how you respond to her about it.  Do not make her feel like she's odd or there's something wrong with her or she should "try harder to make friends" or like this is some negative thing that she should try to "overcome". Because none of that is true.

Please read the links I posted above.  Read the second one first. :)


http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=btDDLt58CXYQuoting amandap33:

I'm pretty sure she isn't being bullied,  I had a meeting with her teacher and she said my dd interacts fine with the other kids.

Maybe I should just let her work it out on her own.  I just don't want her to be an outsider.



mamisosa
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:50 AM
This!
My daughter is 10 now and now is when she's interested in calling her one maybe two friends once in a blue moon. Her teachers have always said she is one of the most social. So yeah I'd wait it out a bit


Quoting goddess99:

She doesn't seem like an outsider to me. I would let her work it out herself. Eventually she'll met someone and it will just click.

Quoting amandap33:

I'm pretty sure she isn't being bullied,  I had a meeting with her teacher and she said my dd interacts fine with the other kids.

Maybe I should just let her work it out on her own.  I just don't want her to be an outsider.



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