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i feel like there's something wrong with me

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So ive been a tomboy for so much of my life i feel like i have forgotten how to be a lady/woman. Ever since i was young i didnt really like to hang out or talk to alot of girls because i did not want to deal with the drama, kaddy bull shit, so i hung out with mostly boys. i am 28 and df is 30. df and i have unfortunately been arguing on and off for quite a bit about the "stupid shit" i do/dont do. A little background on our situation..... i work a 45+ hour work week every week Monday-Friday from 530 am till 230 pm at the earliest. I am up at 430 am and am lucky if i am in bed by 1030 pm.... Most of the time i am usually going to bed between 1130 pm and 1 am. So needless to say byu the time i get home..... my brain is fried so to speak. Anywho (lol) He stays home with our almost 4 yr old ds. df had gotten injured on the job 3 years ago back in february and are dealing with lawsuits so he can not work legally, so he stays home with ds. However he isnt getting money from workers comp/the lawsuit . they owe him at this moment in time for almost 29 months. So we live off of my paycheck practically every week of $400-500, for the 3 of us for necessities, bills etc. dont get me wrong, just in general one of us staying at home is a huge lifesaver because we dont have to have that extra $1800+ expense every month. So the unfortunate stereotypical sahm role is reversed. He constantly begs me to "act like a mother/wife, act like a woman". Yes i do do some pretty stupid stuff some times but, sometimes i feel like he is just blowing things out of proportion. Just as an example, he ran out of gas yesterday about 2 minutes up the road from our house. ds was in bed already. I had brought our 2 dogs out for the last time before i was going to go upstairs to bed. When i took the dogs outside to go to the bathroom and move our other vehicle, df tries calling me to come and bring him gas. Of course i dont hear/know hes calling till i go back inside the house with the dogs (a matter of 5 minutes if that) and when i answer the phone, hes flipping out at me saying that whenever he needs to get in touch with me he never can when he is not home. Now besides running out of gas yesterday (hes says) with in the past year just in vehicle related incidents i am 3 for 3 in not answering on the first call.... more like the 3 or 4th call. He continues to say that i dont ever think ahead or that i just dont care. That he is sick and tired of being the "bitch" and sick of me being such a "dude". I never used to be this way, i used to think ahead as to what i was doing/going to do, courteseous, etc. Theres times where i feel like i am a complete fuck up and cant do anything right. Now personally thinking back on it now i think in a sense it was my ex prior to df that so to speak screwed me in this department, because he was a careless fuck that i was unfortunately with for 6 years. Sometimes i wish that i could just call my mom to talk to for advise or support but she passed away 7 years ago. I unfortunately though recently really had a smack in the face of reality, when i realized besides my mom, yes i do(and df does as well) have family (none closer than an hour away), so our support system is kind of really shitty. But anyways, yes i do have family that does care alot about me and ds, but no matter what, in a way, noone really gives a shit about me. I dont have anyone but my df to count on and he is so fed up with always arguing about the same ish, that if it gets to the point where hes completely fed up to the point that he "hates me and just wants to get as far away as possible" i am screwed, because i have nothing. after my mom passed away, me and df getting together and the birth of ds everything other than that i have either lost or has gone to shit. sorry for ranting/venting .... i am just at a complete loss any advise is appreciated.

Eta: one more add on question..... how do you all divey up household chores without it being almost completely one sided?

Wow!!!!! I wake I'll and find out I'm a featured post! Wow! How cool :-P
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Replies (31-36):
BratPunk
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Seems almost like the uglys of marriage so to speak that no one tells you about
Quoting preacherskid:


preacherskid
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 2:36 PM

The seedy underbelly of married life ;)  I married an imperfect person, not Ken, so I expected some warts and bumps lol.  My parents also never made any attempt to hide the fact that they fought or had issues- I expected conflict and disagreement when I got married because it was what I had seen with my parents, they loved and do love each other, but there were times they got on each other's nerves (still do and about the same stuff lol) or disagreed and we knew that and saw it as healthy.  I know lots of women who are shocked and disappointed when their SO isn't exactly what they thought he would be when they get married, or who expected their DHs never to change (I get annoyed to hear "he's not the man I married X years ago" because people change over time and that person will not stay the same- anywho off my soapbox before I go nuts lol)  I learned fast to dump the expectations because if you can't adapt you will be disappointed and frustrated every day of your life- this is more pronounced with us because DH is disabled, and can't perform even some basic tasks. 

Quoting BratPunk:

Seems almost like the uglys of marriage so to speak that no one tells you about
Quoting preacherskid:



CafeMom Tickers
EarlGrayHot
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 4:30 PM

Uh...this guy expected you to leave the kids to bring him gas that close to home?  That's crap right there.  ANyone almost can walk for two minutes.  He's way out of line there.  Plus, it was accidental that you didn't hear the phone-he has no grounds there.  Why didn't he stop and get gas since he was driving and should have noticed he was running on empty?

Of course we always divied up chores.  Every reasonable family does that.  If you're doing all the work and he's this bitchy then you wouldn't be losing much if he leaves.  Then you'd be free to meet decent guys who don't bitch at the people they love.

vbway
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 5:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I know you are probably getting a lot of good advise. I didn't read all the response, only your post. I just wanted to give you my impression. Not all men, but many men need to feel like they are supporting their family. And while you can't help the situation you are in, it may help knowing what the problem is. I ran into this exact same thing with my ex. I ran a home business and I was making about 5K a month. It sounds like a lot, but it wasn't because of our high monthly expenses. He got sick and wasn't able to work outside the home. So I had to work more hours, expanding to a 24 hour day care. I was tired all the time and our relationship suffered. Basically we became more like roommates than spouses. He was angry with me all the time. That anger built up and eventually he became violent, which ended our marriage. Now I am not saying that I think that will happen to you. I am just saying that a little anger and resentment can destroy a relationship. My advise? Sit down and talk about what you both expect from each other. And try to make compromises. You need to make him feel that you value what he is doing for your child/family. A mans ego can be a real hinderance sometimes. And sometimes we as their partner need to humble ourselves and lift them up even when we feel like stomping on them (not literally) for being a pain in the ass. I know it is hard to do when your angry, but show him how much you love and appreciate him. I am not saying to lie to him. Yes, express your frustrations, but also tell him that because you value him, you want to find a way to work out your problems that will be fair for both of you. Yes, he is being a baby, men can sometimes be better acting like babies than your own children. And don't be so hard at yourself. You are who you are, he shouldn't be making you feel like you are inadequate. Tell him that you need to feel appreciated during this rough patch in your life. It is important to find ways to support each other. Hopefully he "man's" up and started handling his problem (running out of gas) himself. I can't believe that he is expecting you to save him all the time. Just remember.... in time, this too shall past. I hope you get your lawsuit settled soon. My SO has had a lawsuit pending against a large corporation for 20 years. The judge just finally said, that he wouldn't allow any more delays. But that was back in October and he still hasn't set up a mediation. Trust me, I know it can be a frustrating experience.  

arwalters
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:47 PM
Just a question: so he runs out of gas and you're the one who doesn't think ahead? Personally I think this has more to with his ego than anything you've done or not done. At least that's how it sounds but I've only read op, not any replies yet
Pammi86
by Pamela on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:11 PM

There is nothing wrong with you! I agree, I think he is sick of being at home!

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