So ive been a tomboy for so much of my life i feel like i have forgotten how to be a lady/woman. Ever since i was young i didnt really like to hang out or talk to alot of girls because i did not want to deal with the drama, kaddy bull shit, so i hung out with mostly boys. i am 28 and df is 30. df and i have unfortunately been arguing on and off for quite a bit about the "stupid shit" i do/dont do. A little background on our situation..... i work a 45+ hour work week every week Monday-Friday from 530 am till 230 pm at the earliest. I am up at 430 am and am lucky if i am in bed by 1030 pm.... Most of the time i am usually going to bed between 1130 pm and 1 am. So needless to say byu the time i get home..... my brain is fried so to speak. Anywho (lol) He stays home with our almost 4 yr old ds. df had gotten injured on the job 3 years ago back in february and are dealing with lawsuits so he can not work legally, so he stays home with ds. However he isnt getting money from workers comp/the lawsuit . they owe him at this moment in time for almost 29 months. So we live off of my paycheck practically every week of $400-500, for the 3 of us for necessities, bills etc. dont get me wrong, just in general one of us staying at home is a huge lifesaver because we dont have to have that extra $1800+ expense every month. So the unfortunate stereotypical sahm role is reversed. He constantly begs me to "act like a mother/wife, act like a woman". Yes i do do some pretty stupid stuff some times but, sometimes i feel like he is just blowing things out of proportion. Just as an example, he ran out of gas yesterday about 2 minutes up the road from our house. ds was in bed already. I had brought our 2 dogs out for the last time before i was going to go upstairs to bed. When i took the dogs outside to go to the bathroom and move our other vehicle, df tries calling me to come and bring him gas. Of course i dont hear/know hes calling till i go back inside the house with the dogs (a matter of 5 minutes if that) and when i answer the phone, hes flipping out at me saying that whenever he needs to get in touch with me he never can when he is not home. Now besides running out of gas yesterday (hes says) with in the past year just in vehicle related incidents i am 3 for 3 in not answering on the first call.... more like the 3 or 4th call. He continues to say that i dont ever think ahead or that i just dont care. That he is sick and tired of being the "bitch" and sick of me being such a "dude". I never used to be this way, i used to think ahead as to what i was doing/going to do, courteseous, etc. Theres times where i feel like i am a complete fuck up and cant do anything right. Now personally thinking back on it now i think in a sense it was my ex prior to df that so to speak screwed me in this department, because he was a careless fuck that i was unfortunately with for 6 years. Sometimes i wish that i could just call my mom to talk to for advise or support but she passed away 7 years ago. I unfortunately though recently really had a smack in the face of reality, when i realized besides my mom, yes i do(and df does as well) have family (none closer than an hour away), so our support system is kind of really shitty. But anyways, yes i do have family that does care alot about me and ds, but no matter what, in a way, noone really gives a shit about me. I dont have anyone but my df to count on and he is so fed up with always arguing about the same ish, that if it gets to the point where hes completely fed up to the point that he "hates me and just wants to get as far away as possible" i am screwed, because i have nothing. after my mom passed away, me and df getting together and the birth of ds everything other than that i have either lost or has gone to shit. sorry for ranting/venting .... i am just at a complete loss any advise is appreciated.
Eta: one more add on question..... how do you all divey up household chores without it being almost completely one sided?
Wow!!!!! I wake I'll and find out I'm a featured post! Wow! How cool :-P
on Jun. 14, 2013 at 4:43 PM