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Do I have a right to be angry with my mom?(LONG STORY)

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I've been wanting to get this off of my chest for awhile now. 

I was adopted at the age of 5 along with my 7 year old sister. We previously lived in an abusive home, and this new family couldnt have children so they chose to adopt. 

It was great for awhile, I couldnt imagine a better childhood; arts and crafts, sports, camps, and family dinners everynight. My sister was a menace though, she lived with the abuse longer so she was more mentally scared then I was. Her and my adoptive mom would always fight, but I was always the angel she loved and adored. 

Anyhow, as we got older my sister started getting into trouble with drugs, theft, prostituting and she even sexually abused two little boys and had to register as a sex offender.

My adoptive mom became pregnant when I was ten, which she did not think was possible, hents the adoption. 
Anyhow, when my sis was away in jail, and my little brother was born mom started taking her agressions out on me, and my brother was the new angel.
Despite feeling neglected I was a good kid, and I loved my brother more than life.

I started becoming harrassed in school, kids would throw rocks at me on the way home from school, and mom did nothing. She would still make me walk to and from everyday.

One day, she bought me a hampster and it died the very same day. She then blamed me, broke down my bedroom door and started hitting me in the face. My dad had to pull her off of me.  

After middle school was over I refused to go to highschool. I was so bullied I developed severe social anxiety and just couldnt go back. 

At the age of 17 I met my first real boyfriend and moved in with him to get away from her. We became pregnant and boy did that set her off!

I now feel no matter what I do or how hard I try to redeem myself for dissapointing her, she cant seem to treat me equally to my brother or sister.

I am now 23 and have met a man that I absolutely adore. We are married and have a beautiful baby boy.
Before the marriage she insisted on the wedding being at her house. She made all these beautiful plans and at the last second her and dad tell me they cant support the wedding because my siginificant other has aspergers and doesnt always say the nicest things.  

My sister, who has had her child taken away for selling herioine, abusing her child, offering herself for 10$ to undercover narcodics, and giving her 4 year old a sippy cup full of beer in front of these agents, and been to prison for it.. is getting better treatment from my parents then I have. 

My mom took her in, gave her her own room, (which she wouldnt do for me) and is now supporting a marriage to a man older than our dad who she has only known for a few weeks.. 

Christmas's are just plain wrong. My mom will tell me not to expect anything this year because she cant afford it, yet when I show up my little brother(her blood child) gets 15 gifts and sits there complaining about them! 

I know I am a grown woman and this may seem imature, but I am just hurt, and feel so confused about this relationship with my "mom." 

I have tried to explain these feelings to her but she just says shes sorry I feel this way and continues these actions. She has even admitted to loving my "brother" more than I because hes the child shes always wanted. 

Anyhow, Id like some opinions. 
I recently told her I cant have her in my life because it just hurts to much.

AM I WRONG?



by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
tokeahontas
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:27 PM
FORGET HER.
littlepinkrose
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:31 PM


I think you should continue to do so.  Stay out of trouble, stay away from drugs, and respect your mom.  That does not mean you have to be her friend or even talk to her just be respectful if she chooses to talk to you.  You are a good person and she is really missing out on someone special.  It is her loss but please do not feel bad we all make choices and she made the wrong one.  Hopefully, she will change.

Quoting AWallewein:

Id like to add that I have never been in trouble with the law, never had a problem with drugs, and have always respected my mother. 



4kidsmommy
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometime you just got to call it quits. Maybe not all the way. Don't stand tthe wall the time just for her to push you down (so to speak). I did the same thing with my very own parents. I feel 100 x's  better. I don't live to p,ease anyone. You my dear have to only please yourself and your husband. And put all your focus on your child!!!!

WritingMom777
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I feel so bad for you.  My biological mom was crazy with us growing up and we had a lot of hurts.  I call her now and then but I would not call what we have a "relationship." I am however always respectful.  I have no memories of her holding me, cuddling with me, etc. and my aunts have said that she clearly did not even like me as a child and they felt bad for me.  In my case, my older brother was favored (he is the only child of the man she was really in love with) and she wanted to be with him rather than my dad (who married her when she told him she was pregnant with his child - not true).  

Anyway, my adopted child has never met my parents.  He knows that they are crazy and were mean to me when I was growing up.  It is a little weird and I get pushback from some people but they usually don't understand what it is like to have a mother who does not show love or affection appropriately.

I think that you might be better off not putting yourself in situations where you will feel hurt or betrayed.  You don't say how the relationship is with your father.  Better?  

Karopie_99
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:19 PM
That is so sad she treats you this way! No mother blood or adoptive should ever treat their child like this! I think it would be in your best interest to cut all ties with your mom. You have kids of your own and are grown. And you need to worry about you and your family! Not worry about what next attack wil come from your mom. So sad. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that
AWallewein
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:38 PM

My dad doesnt really put any emotion into anything anymore. He is very with drawn from my mother, and no matter what my realationship with her is, he is always happy to hear from me. I love my dad, I just feels he deserves better. She spends ALL of his money and she doesnt make any of it. She put him into 30 thousand in debt on a credit card and thats not even all of it. Hes a carpenter, works really hard and makes very little. He is 63 and was hoping to retire soon , but he has to keep musleing on because he needs to make up for what she lost so he does retire, he can take care of the fam. He is an independant contractor so wont actually be elegible for retirenment grants. 

I hate my mom. Mostly for this. He doesnt deserve this. 

Quoting littlepinkrose:

No, you are not wrong at all.  I am so sorry this has happened to you.  You do need to get her out of your life for now.  You really need to start just being your own parent really.  I know that it sucks but you need to treat yourself how you deserve and want to be treated.  If you continue to let her bully you you will continue to be bullied in life.  As you have already experienced.  You are a good person who really struggled and for some reason she has some sort of block or maybe jealousy and she cannot accept you.  Her blood child made her feelings for you change and she may of wanted a girl and also she may just not be able to handle two kids well and decided that you are the one who came with the bad seed so you needed to be punished.  I hope that you can get therapy and learn that you are not a bad person.  She is also trying to make you feel worse by cutting you out of things and showing everyone attention but you.  That is manipulative and just mean do not fall for it or let it  make you feel bad.  If she is not willing to treat you the way you want then you need to leave her alone until she is.  Does your dad like you?  I am thinking if he accepts you and she does  not maybe you can still keep a relationship with him.  Hope this helps keep your head up!!



AWallewein
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:43 PM

My dad and I are okay. I love him but like I quoted on another user, he is withdrawn. Keeps his feelings and opinions to himself. He just works to pay the bills. WHen hes not working hes working. Basically hes my moms puppet but wont stand up to her or say anything. He told me he secretly has money stashed away since she spends all of his and puts him into debt. 

Shes convinced he would never keep secrets from her so its funny. 

I hope he has another woman on the side.. I really do. ha. He deserves so much better.


Quoting WritingMom777:

I feel so bad for you.  My biological mom was crazy with us growing up and we had a lot of hurts.  I call her now and then but I would not call what we have a "relationship." I am however always respectful.  I have no memories of her holding me, cuddling with me, etc. and my aunts have said that she clearly did not even like me as a child and they felt bad for me.  In my case, my older brother was favored (he is the only child of the man she was really in love with) and she wanted to be with him rather than my dad (who married her when she told him she was pregnant with his child - not true).  

Anyway, my adopted child has never met my parents.  He knows that they are crazy and were mean to me when I was growing up.  It is a little weird and I get pushback from some people but they usually don't understand what it is like to have a mother who does not show love or affection appropriately.

I think that you might be better off not putting yourself in situations where you will feel hurt or betrayed.  You don't say how the relationship is with your father.  Better?  



EarlGrayHot
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 3:06 PM

Clearly she should have been turned in for abusing you.  I'm sorry for all you went through.  It's inexcusable for her to treat you differently from her bio child.  She sounds mentally ill quite frankly and, while you should be sure you love this man she is behaving badly and you owe her nothing.  What did your adoptive dad do about her rages, BTW?  Dump her and tell her why.  Have the wedding somewhere far away from her.  Have you been through counselling?

AWallewein
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 3:09 PM


I did report my mom, the cops did nothing.

My dad just cried. 

And yes, I have been to counceling. 

Quoting EarlGrayHot:

Clearly she should have been turned in for abusing you.  I'm sorry for all you went through.  It's inexcusable for her to treat you differently from her bio child.  She sounds mentally ill quite frankly and, while you should be sure you love this man she is behaving badly and you owe her nothing.  What did your adoptive dad do about her rages, BTW?  Dump her and tell her why.  Have the wedding somewhere far away from her.  Have you been through counselling?



splatz
by Sarah on Jun. 19, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Honestly... I know its hard but maybe stepping away from her for awhile would be better for you. It doesn't sound like you had a healthy relationship with her in the past and it surely doesn't sound like you do now. I think you would be better off. 

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