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Let's Chat: What's on your mind?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:59 AM
  • 66 Replies

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by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:59 AM
Replies (1-10):
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:49 AM

I'm struggling with bullemia again.  I guess it all started when I was a preteen and everybody always said how my older sister was so pretty and I was "thicker."  I had a cousin who showed me how like it was the best thing on earth.

Well, now I've got all this weight from having 2 babies.  My youngest is a year, but the last of the weight isn't coming off and I have this sagging skin that looks so much worse.  DH admitted he was less sexually attracted to me, though he insists he still loves me as much.

I really thought I was over this.  :(

Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:06 AM

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you.

I was always compared to my older, much prettier and thinner cousin growing up too. We were a close family, so we pretty much grew up together and I always lived in her shadow. I know they didn't mean to do it, but they did and it did effect my psyche growing up.

Have you been to counceling or a support group? I would suggest you go to one as quickly as you can find one. Don't try to handle it on your own. You need a good support system. You have precious babies that need you to be 100% healthy. Please take care of yourself mama!

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I'm struggling with bullemia again.  I guess it all started when I was a preteen and everybody always said how my older sister was so pretty and I was "thicker."  I had a cousin who showed me how like it was the best thing on earth.

Well, now I've got all this weight from having 2 babies.  My youngest is a year, but the last of the weight isn't coming off and I have this sagging skin that looks so much worse.  DH admitted he was less sexually attracted to me, though he insists he still loves me as much.

I really thought I was over this.  :(


Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:08 AM

Good morning ladies! 

I am just doing a bit of cleaning up before I start prepping for 4th of July goodies. I do have a post-op appointment this afternoon with my oral surgeon. I had my wisdom teeth removed last week, so  hopefully all is healing well. The pain is pretty minimal now, but it is still a bit difficult to eat. 

I hope everyone is having a good day. 

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:41 AM

I had been to counseling.  I was going on over 7 years without even a thought of it.  And then BAM.  I guess it really isn't one of those things that you totally "beat."

Now I'll have to try and find a counselor out here or something.  DH thinks taking me to a high-tech weight loss clinic will help, since they'll help me with customized but medically supported methods to shake the last of the weight off.  I mean, there is no doubt I have extra weight, it's just something about training my brain to deal with it the right way that we got to figure out.

Thank you for the kind words, though.  People really need to think about what they are teaching their daughters about self worth when they go making comments.  My family seemed to think it was OK to call my sister beautiful and me smart.  Well, she grew up trying to get by on her looks alone for a few years and it was very hard on her.  She had to develop personality and skills now that she's getting closer to thirty, and she wishes she'd been encouraged all along to have something other than looks.  I grew up thinking I'd be stuck in the role of the "nerd girl" that some hot guy might take a fleeting interest in, but overall my highest ambitions would be to find an average guy and settle, because none of the guys I was attracted to would go for the ugly smart girl.  I found myself playing down my intellect and trying too hard to be pretty because I just wanted a guy to like me.

I guess as it turns out, I AM pretty.  Not a knockout model, but when I finally got help and let go some I found a man who was handsome, smart, ambitious, AND who liked me for me.

Now, though, all those insecurities are coming back because I noticed a dip in the sex life.  He explained that my body is a mess and it's hard to always find me sexually appealing, but he loves me just the same and "forces himself to have sex with me" for my benefit.  I think his wording was piss poor, and I'm struggling to see what he was trying to say past the sting in the words that he didn't intend.  It isn't just the weight, but all the loose skin on my stomach, too.  I need a tuck and insurance is even willing to pay the skin is that bad, but DH and I haven't decided if we want a third baby or not and getting it tucked before we decide could just ruin it again.  

When DH told me all that, I asked him if we should be done having children and work on us.  He said no.  He isn't ready to close the door on a third baby.  His grandpa is dying and asked us if we planned on having another and DH told Grandpa that we were.  Grandpa seemed happy to hear it, patted my non-pregnant belly, and asked if we'd name the baby after him.  I think DH really feels obligated now.

Everything is just so crazy, and all else be damned if I can't get rid of the loose skin I want to get rid of the extra pounds!

DH and I plan to look over the budget and call some doctors this evening to try and help get me back on the right track.

Quoting Reina13:

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you.

I was always compared to my older, much prettier and thinner cousin growing up too. We were a close family, so we pretty much grew up together and I always lived in her shadow. I know they didn't mean to do it, but they did and it did effect my psyche growing up.

Have you been to counceling or a support group? I would suggest you go to one as quickly as you can find one. Don't try to handle it on your own. You need a good support system. You have precious babies that need you to be 100% healthy. Please take care of yourself mama!

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I'm struggling with bullemia again.  I guess it all started when I was a preteen and everybody always said how my older sister was so pretty and I was "thicker."  I had a cousin who showed me how like it was the best thing on earth.

Well, now I've got all this weight from having 2 babies.  My youngest is a year, but the last of the weight isn't coming off and I have this sagging skin that looks so much worse.  DH admitted he was less sexually attracted to me, though he insists he still loves me as much.

I really thought I was over this.  :(




Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:44 AM


What goodies?

We are having pork ribs, but I haven't planned the rest of the menu.  I think I want smores on the menu, but I'm not sure anybody else will eat them and I don't want to waste too much since I can only handle 1 before I get sugared out!

I'm hoping some of DH's buddies make it like a potluck.  Usually if I provide meat and berries they provide an array of other options.  (Meat because it is always at our house, and I'm not sure why they love it when I have berries out for them.  lol  But one Friday we had the group over and I didnt' have berries and it was all I heard about all night.)

Quoting Reina13:

Good morning ladies! 

I am just doing a bit of cleaning up before I start prepping for 4th of July goodies. I do have a post-op appointment this afternoon with my oral surgeon. I had my wisdom teeth removed last week, so  hopefully all is healing well. The pain is pretty minimal now, but it is still a bit difficult to eat. 

I hope everyone is having a good day. 



Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:58 AM

Can I just take a frying pan to your DH's head? Just once? I understand that he loves you but you are right, his wording was piss poor especially when he is aware of the eating disorder and how it effects you.

I am glad that he is supportive of you in wanting you to get healthy and is open to exploring options to help you look and feel the best you can. 

I think you are beautiful. I know we most just interact here in the group on Tuesday mornings but you always seem positive and genuine with everyone you encounter and you are a doll in your avi!  :)

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I had been to counseling.  I was going on over 7 years without even a thought of it.  And then BAM.  I guess it really isn't one of those things that you totally "beat."

Now I'll have to try and find a counselor out here or something.  DH thinks taking me to a high-tech weight loss clinic will help, since they'll help me with customized but medically supported methods to shake the last of the weight off.  I mean, there is no doubt I have extra weight, it's just something about training my brain to deal with it the right way that we got to figure out.

Thank you for the kind words, though.  People really need to think about what they are teaching their daughters about self worth when they go making comments.  My family seemed to think it was OK to call my sister beautiful and me smart.  Well, she grew up trying to get by on her looks alone for a few years and it was very hard on her.  She had to develop personality and skills now that she's getting closer to thirty, and she wishes she'd been encouraged all along to have something other than looks.  I grew up thinking I'd be stuck in the role of the "nerd girl" that some hot guy might take a fleeting interest in, but overall my highest ambitions would be to find an average guy and settle, because none of the guys I was attracted to would go for the ugly smart girl.  I found myself playing down my intellect and trying too hard to be pretty because I just wanted a guy to like me.

I guess as it turns out, I AM pretty.  Not a knockout model, but when I finally got help and let go some I found a man who was handsome, smart, ambitious, AND who liked me for me.

Now, though, all those insecurities are coming back because I noticed a dip in the sex life.  He explained that my body is a mess and it's hard to always find me sexually appealing, but he loves me just the same and "forces himself to have sex with me" for my benefit.  I think his wording was piss poor, and I'm struggling to see what he was trying to say past the sting in the words that he didn't intend.  It isn't just the weight, but all the loose skin on my stomach, too.  I need a tuck and insurance is even willing to pay the skin is that bad, but DH and I haven't decided if we want a third baby or not and getting it tucked before we decide could just ruin it again.  

When DH told me all that, I asked him if we should be done having children and work on us.  He said no.  He isn't ready to close the door on a third baby.  His grandpa is dying and asked us if we planned on having another and DH told Grandpa that we were.  Grandpa seemed happy to hear it, patted my non-pregnant belly, and asked if we'd name the baby after him.  I think DH really feels obligated now.

Everything is just so crazy, and all else be damned if I can't get rid of the loose skin I want to get rid of the extra pounds!

DH and I plan to look over the budget and call some doctors this evening to try and help get me back on the right track.

Quoting Reina13:

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you.

I was always compared to my older, much prettier and thinner cousin growing up too. We were a close family, so we pretty much grew up together and I always lived in her shadow. I know they didn't mean to do it, but they did and it did effect my psyche growing up.

Have you been to counceling or a support group? I would suggest you go to one as quickly as you can find one. Don't try to handle it on your own. You need a good support system. You have precious babies that need you to be 100% healthy. Please take care of yourself mama!

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I'm struggling with bullemia again.  I guess it all started when I was a preteen and everybody always said how my older sister was so pretty and I was "thicker."  I had a cousin who showed me how like it was the best thing on earth.

Well, now I've got all this weight from having 2 babies.  My youngest is a year, but the last of the weight isn't coming off and I have this sagging skin that looks so much worse.  DH admitted he was less sexually attracted to me, though he insists he still loves me as much.

I really thought I was over this.  :(





Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this


LOL, thanks.

DH has never been good with words.  

Quoting Reina13:

Can I just take a frying pan to your DH's head? Just once? I understand that he loves you but you are right, his wording was piss poor especially when he is aware of the eating disorder and how it effects you.

I am glad that he is supportive of you in wanting you to get healthy and is open to exploring options to help you look and feel the best you can. 

I think you are beautiful. I know we most just interact here in the group on Tuesday mornings but you always seem positive and genuine with everyone you encounter and you are a doll in your avi!  :)

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I had been to counseling.  I was going on over 7 years without even a thought of it.  And then BAM.  I guess it really isn't one of those things that you totally "beat."

Now I'll have to try and find a counselor out here or something.  DH thinks taking me to a high-tech weight loss clinic will help, since they'll help me with customized but medically supported methods to shake the last of the weight off.  I mean, there is no doubt I have extra weight, it's just something about training my brain to deal with it the right way that we got to figure out.

Thank you for the kind words, though.  People really need to think about what they are teaching their daughters about self worth when they go making comments.  My family seemed to think it was OK to call my sister beautiful and me smart.  Well, she grew up trying to get by on her looks alone for a few years and it was very hard on her.  She had to develop personality and skills now that she's getting closer to thirty, and she wishes she'd been encouraged all along to have something other than looks.  I grew up thinking I'd be stuck in the role of the "nerd girl" that some hot guy might take a fleeting interest in, but overall my highest ambitions would be to find an average guy and settle, because none of the guys I was attracted to would go for the ugly smart girl.  I found myself playing down my intellect and trying too hard to be pretty because I just wanted a guy to like me.

I guess as it turns out, I AM pretty.  Not a knockout model, but when I finally got help and let go some I found a man who was handsome, smart, ambitious, AND who liked me for me.

Now, though, all those insecurities are coming back because I noticed a dip in the sex life.  He explained that my body is a mess and it's hard to always find me sexually appealing, but he loves me just the same and "forces himself to have sex with me" for my benefit.  I think his wording was piss poor, and I'm struggling to see what he was trying to say past the sting in the words that he didn't intend.  It isn't just the weight, but all the loose skin on my stomach, too.  I need a tuck and insurance is even willing to pay the skin is that bad, but DH and I haven't decided if we want a third baby or not and getting it tucked before we decide could just ruin it again.  

When DH told me all that, I asked him if we should be done having children and work on us.  He said no.  He isn't ready to close the door on a third baby.  His grandpa is dying and asked us if we planned on having another and DH told Grandpa that we were.  Grandpa seemed happy to hear it, patted my non-pregnant belly, and asked if we'd name the baby after him.  I think DH really feels obligated now.

Everything is just so crazy, and all else be damned if I can't get rid of the loose skin I want to get rid of the extra pounds!

DH and I plan to look over the budget and call some doctors this evening to try and help get me back on the right track.

Quoting Reina13:

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you.

I was always compared to my older, much prettier and thinner cousin growing up too. We were a close family, so we pretty much grew up together and I always lived in her shadow. I know they didn't mean to do it, but they did and it did effect my psyche growing up.

Have you been to counceling or a support group? I would suggest you go to one as quickly as you can find one. Don't try to handle it on your own. You need a good support system. You have precious babies that need you to be 100% healthy. Please take care of yourself mama!

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

I'm struggling with bullemia again.  I guess it all started when I was a preteen and everybody always said how my older sister was so pretty and I was "thicker."  I had a cousin who showed me how like it was the best thing on earth.

Well, now I've got all this weight from having 2 babies.  My youngest is a year, but the last of the weight isn't coming off and I have this sagging skin that looks so much worse.  DH admitted he was less sexually attracted to me, though he insists he still loves me as much.

I really thought I was over this.  :(







Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:02 AM

I am making red and blue jello tubes for the kids and will top it with whipped cream, a fruit salad, an angel food cake with strawberry sauce and then a few fruity cocktails...lol  Like I said, all the goodies..lol

My parents are coming up so I need to prep the goodies before they come. My hubby will man the grill and my mom and sisters are bringing all the many side dishes. 

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:


What goodies?

We are having pork ribs, but I haven't planned the rest of the menu.  I think I want smores on the menu, but I'm not sure anybody else will eat them and I don't want to waste too much since I can only handle 1 before I get sugared out!

I'm hoping some of DH's buddies make it like a potluck.  Usually if I provide meat and berries they provide an array of other options.  (Meat because it is always at our house, and I'm not sure why they love it when I have berries out for them.  lol  But one Friday we had the group over and I didnt' have berries and it was all I heard about all night.)

Quoting Reina13:

Good morning ladies! 

I am just doing a bit of cleaning up before I start prepping for 4th of July goodies. I do have a post-op appointment this afternoon with my oral surgeon. I had my wisdom teeth removed last week, so  hopefully all is healing well. The pain is pretty minimal now, but it is still a bit difficult to eat. 

I hope everyone is having a good day. 




MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:03 PM

I worked this morning. Now I'm just browsing around on CM.

DanaG70
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:21 PM

 Good afternoon!

It is chilly here and suppose to rain all day. I'm going to do laundry and work in the craft room. =)

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