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Outside in my own house!!

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:00 AM
  • 11 Replies

Last weekend I sent my stepson back to his mother's house after he used my car to go to the mall for the new Jordan shoes coming out that day. The crazy part is his dad knew he had my car but no one said anything to me! This kid is 20 years old and my husband got him a job working with him to teach some responsibility but he allowed him to use my car, not put gas in and not work that day so he could go and wait in a line FOR SOME SHOES! I am soooooo pissed off I can't even see straight! When he calls his mom to tell her I put him out, of course he gave his version, she in turn, calls my husband cussing him out and he gets an attitude with me and doesn't talk to me for 2 days! I am so sick of this stepmom bullshit I don't know what to do. I NEVER had these types of problems with my own kids and I am not going to go through it with his kids either! Right now I am seriously thinking about divorce even though it has been 13 years. There is always some shit started when his kids come around because there is zero discipline! Not from him or her! So when I correct anything it is a big deal. ALL COMMENTS WELCOMED!

by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Jul. 4, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I would be angry at my dh for knowing about all this, allowing it, and not saying anything. Does this 20 year old usually live with you? Now that he has a job, it's time he get his own place and car.

liels898
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:05 PM

It sounds like miscommunication. Just tell your husband that, hey, guess what, you don't like it when your car is used without your knowledge. And you don't like it that he doesn't have the balls to discipline his kid. His kid is 20, what's the big deal about sending him to his mom's? Why doesn't he have his own place? 

Knightquester
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:25 PM

It sounds like the kid isn't the one you should be really pissed at, it's your husband.  The kid went to a parent and asked permission, was given it and then punished for asking for permission and getting it.

YOUR husband should have talked to you before he let his son borrow the car informing you of the decision he made w/o talking to you.  Hell in that case I'd have been pissed with my husband for being so disrespectful to me, but I wouldn't have punished the kid for his fathers actions.  You should really talk to your husband about what he did, and how it made you feel, try to reverse the rolls and ask if he'd like it.  Sure you can outright divorce him, but I'm one of those people that tries to work things out and set up new rules to keep things like what just happened happening.  You guys need to both have a better line of communication is what it really boils down to.

It sounds like you're not to into your step kid so not having him live with you might be a good thing.  Still if he moves back in talk to your husband about charging him rent if he stays (since he's working and old enough) unless he's attending college full time.  If he attends part-time then partial rent, but that might make him feel like he has a place, and it might make you feel like he's taking responsibility for the place he's staying.

Done50
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 1:11 PM

Oh yes, you are absolutely right!  I was thoroughly upset with my husband too and I definitely let him know how it made me feel.  The reason I put my stepson out was because when he finally got back after getting the shoes (which I found out later his girlfriend bought),  I  was explaining to him that what he did was not acceptable and  I  felt  that  if  he  could  get  up  that  early  to  go  and  get some  shoes,  he  could  have  gone  to work!  His next  comment  is  what  got  him  sent  home.  He  stated  that  he  is  a  20  year  old  and  he  will  be  buying  Jordans regardless!  He  also  stated  that  he  couldn't  remember  the  last  time  his  dad  had  sent  him  any  money. Mind  you,  his  father  no  longer  pays  support  for  him  but  has  been  sending  him  money  periodically  while  he  was  in  school.  Since  it  hasn't  been  on  the  regular  here  recently,  now  he  can't  REMEMBER  the  last  time  his  dad  has  sent  him  anything!!  He  is  just  beyond  disrespectful  to  me  at  this  point  so  he  is  in  the  best  place  for  him . . . . .  .  with  his  MOTHER!!!

bamababe1975
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 2:12 PM

 You've been married 13yrs but he still doesn't know how to discipline his son or that you don't like when he lets him do whatever he wants? You really need to get together with him and communicate how all of this makes you feel and that you've had enough.

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Janet
by Ruby Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 5:17 PM

I would be mad at my husband. I would also be mad at you if I were your husband for putting my son out without my knowledge. I think marriage counseling would be good for you two.

splatz
by Sarah on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:24 PM

It sounds like a sucky situation all around. Hope things get better for you!

Squirrel1309
by Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:57 PM

I would be angry too. Are you able to talk his mom and tell her your side? Your husband might be scared that if he stands up to his son at this point his son might turn against him. It probably seems easier to turn his anger towards you than his son. Can you talk to him, tell him your side, tell him how the situation made you feel? Depending on his input you'll probably have a better idea of a good next step. Don't let anyone walk on you! Good luck!

mimimom139
by Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:05 PM

I don't blame you at all for how you feel. If he does't want you disciplining HIS kids, go to him every time they do something wrong. Eventually he'll get tired of hearing it and he'll do something about them.  If not, let him know you're not getting the respect you deserve in your own home and something will have to change. Good luck.

Diane1223
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 9:42 AM
Agreed!


Quoting goddess99:

I would be angry at my dh for knowing about all this, allowing it, and not saying anything. Does this 20 year old usually live with you? Now that he has a job, it's time he get his own place and car.


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