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M 9 year old daughter is attracted to other races and my husband is unhappy and...

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 6:38 PM
  • 53 Replies

I feel like I have to be on her side..I tell her that it is okay..and he says not nice things to her about it...and I feel caught in the middle..

Let me start from the beginning...

She is 9..so this may not even be an issue in 5 years..but I don't think it should be an issue anyway...but she has a thing for Bruno Mars..like a big thing...my 13 year old daughter is crazy about Justin Bieber and 1D and so on...Kaite is obsessed with Bruno Mars...

 I am from Alabama and unfortunatly my grandparents are uneducated closed minded people who still have that 1960's mentality about people of other races...I am not..and my husband has more friends that are of other races than he has friends the same race as we are so I was shocked when he got upset over this. I believe that God created all people to be equal and He put a rainbow of people on this earth to add to it's beauty..I also think interracial babies are beautiful..

My husbands "reason" for being upset by this is a couple of stereotypical reasons..reasons that I am uncomfortable giving..honestly...because I do not know how to word them..

So my question is..am I worrying for nothing because she is only 9? Is it okay that I am disagreeing with my husband on this and going behind his back and telling her that it is ok? Or should I just not worry about it? I mean she is only 9 right???

by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 6:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
1squishysmom
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 6:53 PM
5 moms liked this

Is he telling her that her having a thing for Bruno Mars is bad? I sure hope not! When I was young (a VERY long time ago) there wasn't a lot of famous people of other races, so I don't know how my family would have reacted. I mean, at 9, I think my main-man was Donny Osmond! 

I wouldn't worry too much about it unless he was filling her head with racist nonsense.

When real live comes into play, she is going to decide who she will love and there is nothing your husband or anyone else can do about it. It would be heartbreaking to imagine anyone not liking who she picks because of race.


grneyedormom
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:04 PM
So, your husband is upset because she likes his music? That's not necessarily an attraction to "another race" that's an attraction to the music. His music is catchy and easy to dance to. Does he listen to only "white" artists? Music is about what you hear, not who produced it, or who sings it! It's the lyrics, the melody, the story that is being told! That is what you tell your daughter!


I think the bigger picture should be how is he going to react when your daughter has friends who are of different cultures and ethnicities. And did you know this when you married him and if so, did it make you uncomfortable then?
momof6andmore
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:14 PM


No, she thinks he is Hot..she is attracted to him..my dh listens to all types of music..one of his fave artist is Darius Rucker..he also listens to mackelmore..and back in the day..sir mix a lot..he loves fresh prince of bel air but he does not want his daughters dating other races...and my family is the same way..especially my grandmother..we are from the south..and that is a no no here...but I don't agree with it. 

Quoting grneyedormom:

So, your husband is upset because she likes his music? That's not necessarily an attraction to "another race" that's an attraction to the music. His music is catchy and easy to dance to. Does he listen to only "white" artists? Music is about what you hear, not who produced it, or who sings it! It's the lyrics, the melody, the story that is being told! That is what you tell your daughter!


I think the bigger picture should be how is he going to react when your daughter has friends who are of different cultures and ethnicities. And did you know this when you married him and if so, did it make you uncomfortable then?



goddess99
by Michelle on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:21 PM

I would be talking to dh about it. That is unacceptable for your dh to even say anything racial about it.

grneyedormom
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM
She's 9, she's just coming into liking boys. Her friends probably think he's hot too, it's a crush. She likely doesn't even understand attraction in the sense that you and I, as adults do. What our kids right think are cute, hot, etc may not even cross their minds as older teens and into adulthood. Can you remember having a "crush" on your fav boy band as a girl? That's exactly what this is. I can almost guarantee you she will grow out of it. My kiddo grew out of her Bieber phase. And point made, Bieber is not the role model I would choose for my teenager over Bruno Mars. :)

Quoting momof6andmore:


No, she thinks he is Hot..she is attracted to him..my dh listens to all types of music..one of his fave artist is Darius Rucker..he also listens to mackelmore..and back in the day..sir mix a lot..he loves fresh prince of bel air but he does not want his daughters dating other races...and my family is the same way..especially my grandmother..we are from the south..and that is a no no here...but I don't agree with it. 


Quoting grneyedormom:

So, your husband is upset because she likes his music? That's not necessarily an attraction to "another race" that's an attraction to the music. His music is catchy and easy to dance to. Does he listen to only "white" artists? Music is about what you hear, not who produced it, or who sings it! It's the lyrics, the melody, the story that is being told! That is what you tell your daughter!





I think the bigger picture should be how is he going to react when your daughter has friends who are of different cultures and ethnicities. And did you know this when you married him and if so, did it make you uncomfortable then?




momof6andmore
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:41 PM


I agree...Justin Bieber is not a great role model..and yes, she is only 9..thank goodness..but..she is very much boy crazy..just like I was when I was her age..and I also had a crush on Michael Jackson when I was younger..so I guess it is not that big of a deal after all...thanks for enlightening me :)

Quoting grneyedormom:

She's 9, she's just coming into liking boys. Her friends probably think he's hot too, it's a crush. She likely doesn't even understand attraction in the sense that you and I, as adults do. What our kids right think are cute, hot, etc may not even cross their minds as older teens and into adulthood. Can you remember having a "crush" on your fav boy band as a girl? That's exactly what this is. I can almost guarantee you she will grow out of it. My kiddo grew out of her Bieber phase. And point made, Bieber is not the role model I would choose for my teenager over Bruno Mars. :)

Quoting momof6andmore:


No, she thinks he is Hot..she is attracted to him..my dh listens to all types of music..one of his fave artist is Darius Rucker..he also listens to mackelmore..and back in the day..sir mix a lot..he loves fresh prince of bel air but he does not want his daughters dating other races...and my family is the same way..especially my grandmother..we are from the south..and that is a no no here...but I don't agree with it. 


Quoting grneyedormom:

So, your husband is upset because she likes his music? That's not necessarily an attraction to "another race" that's an attraction to the music. His music is catchy and easy to dance to. Does he listen to only "white" artists? Music is about what you hear, not who produced it, or who sings it! It's the lyrics, the melody, the story that is being told! That is what you tell your daughter!





I think the bigger picture should be how is he going to react when your daughter has friends who are of different cultures and ethnicities. And did you know this when you married him and if so, did it make you uncomfortable then?






Janet
by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:47 PM

You and your DH do need to sit down and talk about it. What you are telling her is the truth. He is prejudice. That isn't good. She is going to like who she wants to anyway.

ToniTennille
by Member on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:48 PM

I would nicely ask him to keep his opinions to himself and explain why you feel that way. There is tooooo much hatered in this world why add too it. I had to do that with my ex. Oh he would say horrible things. He has gotten better but sometimes he doesn't think before he speaks. Especially now that I'm pregnant with my BF's baby and my BF is full blooded hispanic.

redhead-bedhead
by on Jul. 8, 2013 at 7:51 PM

I wouldn't go behind his back, I would tell him to keep his opinions on the matter to himself.

splatz
by Sarah on Jul. 8, 2013 at 8:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Seriously?! She's 9! I don't see why this would even be an issue. Just because she likes someone at 9 doesn't mean that would be her "type" 6 months or even a year from now.

That said... we live in 2013. Your husband needs to get over the race issue.
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