Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

My husband and I are no longer on the same page!

Posted by   + Show Post

My DH and I have the same views and values and mostly agree on how we are raising our children.

Lately, he is being more lax with the rules. While, I don't think everything should be a battle, we have very clear defined rules in our home for our children as well as clear consequences.

I think that him being lax is sending the wrong message to our youngest son, who seems to think he can get away with anything now, while I am trying to not let things get out of hand. Give a child an inch and they will try and take a mile. His response "little boys need to run wild" sometimes.

Are you and your DH/SO on the same page when it comes to the kids or do you argue about how to raise/discipline them? 

How do you resolve this issue?


by on Jul. 22, 2013 at 12:01 PM
Replies (11-20):
t1gger143
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Dh has been the same way lately. I keep reminding him that I'm with them more and he needs to support me more. Then he over reacts in other situations. He nearly had a heart attack over them making a mess with ice cream. He's been worse than the boys this week.
goddess99
by Michelle on Jul. 23, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I should write it on the calendar, good idea!

Quoting chattycassie:

 I have the same problem with forgetting the punishments. I have started writing it down on the calendar. I would ground them from the phone or whatever for 2 days and forget the next day...... :)

Quoting goddess99:

My situation is slightly different. My dd's bio dad is not in the picture much so he never says anything and leaves everything up to me, which is great. My dh lets me lead the way but he backs me and if he says something to her I back him. My major problem is I forget. We'll take away her laptop or whatever for a few days but by the next day, I have forgotten.

 


MamaHens3
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:19 PM

My XDH, and I were on the same page half the time. The other half, I had to parent them mainly seeing as he worked. I was a stay at home mom, house wife so I did it mostly in the home. Even home he would do his own thing, hobby of cars or something where I was left doing discipline etc. We had the same ideas, yet how to excecute them was another issue. He felt I needed to be harder, and I felt I was hard enough needing to try another way at times. It's good to be on the same page as the other parent, if your not it doesn't work out. To this day him being an XDH, when we talk about how they act or something. He tells me your not discipling them enough, or something that makes me want to slap him. He got remarried, works as he had before and she just took my role. They had a little girl earlier this year, so now it's four kids in the home at his place. I notice with me the same rules I had before, when with their dad they fight like at his home their more lax. Its frustrating, can't talk to him about how they act since "it's on you your not harder on them". *smh*. My kids know the rules, I haven't changed them being a divorcee and add I had another child four in my own home. I didn't change it for her, she's almost 2 learning and was the same rules as the older three had growing up. 

I have a bf I live with, our parenting thinks are different pages for sure. I like to talk to my kids, he has three and raises his voice sternly more then I would to mine even. I talk to his kids, even toned as the same I would an adult yet of course a sterner voice if it's to tell them something correcting. When my kids do something I don't blow out of shape, he may feel I should have spanked their butts once at least. I tell him an what would that do? I have spanked my kids before in the past, for them doesn't work and if it does it's every blue moon it resorts to those measures. I been doing pretty good in parenting for 10 years with my own, been doing child care some how as well. A stern voice, meaning it and keeping your word is more then enough most the time. Funny thing is bf says to spank my kids, and he does that to his yet I hardly seen him truly spank them. LOL. 


Rach0307
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:32 PM

We pretty much agree, but DH has had lax moments like that. I'm a SAHM and he's in the military, so he won't always be there and I will. I told him that if he doesn't continue to enforce the rules while he's home (which we both agreed on in the first place), then I will be left alone to deal with the consequences, in which case DH will no longer have any say in how "I" raise our son. I think that jogged something in him, and he's been standing beside me on issues since, never contradicting me in front of him.

busymommy2013
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:40 PM
We pretty much agree, but he has a problem with follow through. Also, my step children's mother is a mess, her house is chaos, violent, the kids do run wild, and the house is unsanitary .... my SS doesn't ever want to go to his moms because of it, and SD likes to go over there only if she doesn't get her way over here. Over there, she runs the show. She can have quite the entitled attitude. My husband used to work on keeping her additude in line. Custody is joint. Now, he will not discipline her when she gets out of line. He let's her verbally abuse me and gets upset with me when she yells at me and I put her in time out in her room. His reasoning? He wants to make it as fun over here as it can be so that she won't want to go to her mother's when she doesn't get her way over here. As of lately, BM never calls to get her children on her days, so the kids pretty much live here full time while she collects welfare for them, by saying that she has them more than 51% of the time. By my husband being so lax on her behavior, he is creating a monster. I'm sorry, I may not be her mother, but I believe I do have a say when she is being rude and cruel to me. I am an adult, and her step parent who puts the clothes on her back, food in her stomach, and toys in her room. She should not be treating me like that. Yesterday, it was so bad that that I was going to send her to her moms since she was constantly yelling and screaming at me. Time out doesn't work anymore, I can't spank her, and her dad tells me to relax and that I should make it fun for her. I try to make it fun for her but the minute I say no to ice cream for breakfast, I am the enemy and she let's it be known! I will not reward that kind of behavior. Once she went to the swimming pool just about a month ago with our neighbor. One of her other friends showed up and she left with her friend without saying anything!y husband found her walking down the street on the other side of town headed to her moms for a slumber party! We found out because the neighbors came to our house looking scared out of their minds to tell us that our daughter had up and dissapeared from the pool and their daughter told them she left with a friend. Evidently her mother made plans with her and not my DH for his daughter to go to her house and we were never told about it. It was also our day. So we have a vanished child somewhere in town durning harvest season ( the most dangerous time of year). My husband caught up with her and allowed her to finish walking to her mothers with her friend, but followed them until the baseball field, which is 3 blocks from her mothers house. He told her to go straight to her mothers house and that he would be calling her mother to let her know what went on, and he did. 2 hours later, her mother calls all frantic because her daughter wasn't home yet. Evidently, the girls had found a group of boys at the field and "hung out with them". She was supposed to be in serious trouble. BM said she was going to send her friend home and my step daughter would be grounded. None if this happened, so we planned on grounding her when she came back 2 days later. That day came around, and DH decided that he would just have a talk with her instead. Taking off in announced is a huge deal and this isn't the first time she's done it. She should have been grounded for a long time, but instead, I see it happening again in the near future...
busymommy2013
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:42 PM
Holy moley! That was a long rant! Sorry, this question totally brought on a vent session.


Quoting busymommy2013:

We pretty much agree, but he has a problem with follow through. Also, my step children's mother is a mess, her house is chaos, violent, the kids do run wild, and the house is unsanitary .... my SS doesn't ever want to go to his moms because of it, and SD likes to go over there only if she doesn't get her way over here. Over there, she runs the show. She can have quite the entitled attitude. My husband used to work on keeping her additude in line. Custody is joint. Now, he will not discipline her when she gets out of line. He let's her verbally abuse me and gets upset with me when she yells at me and I put her in time out in her room. His reasoning? He wants to make it as fun over here as it can be so that she won't want to go to her mother's when she doesn't get her way over here. As of lately, BM never calls to get her children on her days, so the kids pretty much live here full time while she collects welfare for them, by saying that she has them more than 51% of the time. By my husband being so lax on her behavior, he is creating a monster. I'm sorry, I may not be her mother, but I believe I do have a say when she is being rude and cruel to me. I am an adult, and her step parent who puts the clothes on her back, food in her stomach, and toys in her room. She should not be treating me like that. Yesterday, it was so bad that that I was going to send her to her moms since she was constantly yelling and screaming at me. Time out doesn't work anymore, I can't spank her, and her dad tells me to relax and that I should make it fun for her. I try to make it fun for her but the minute I say no to ice cream for breakfast, I am the enemy and she let's it be known! I will not reward that kind of behavior. Once she went to the swimming pool just about a month ago with our neighbor. One of her other friends showed up and she left with her friend without saying anything!y husband found her walking down the street on the other side of town headed to her moms for a slumber party! We found out because the neighbors came to our house looking scared out of their minds to tell us that our daughter had up and dissapeared from the pool and their daughter told them she left with a friend. Evidently her mother made plans with her and not my DH for his daughter to go to her house and we were never told about it. It was also our day. So we have a vanished child somewhere in town durning harvest season ( the most dangerous time of year). My husband caught up with her and allowed her to finish walking to her mothers with her friend, but followed them until the baseball field, which is 3 blocks from her mothers house. He told her to go straight to her mothers house and that he would be calling her mother to let her know what went on, and he did. 2 hours later, her mother calls all frantic because her daughter wasn't home yet. Evidently, the girls had found a group of boys at the field and "hung out with them". She was supposed to be in serious trouble. BM said she was going to send her friend home and my step daughter would be grounded. None if this happened, so we planned on grounding her when she came back 2 days later. That day came around, and DH decided that he would just have a talk with her instead. Taking off in announced is a huge deal and this isn't the first time she's done it. She should have been grounded for a long time, but instead, I see it happening again in the near future...

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 12:44 PM

Me and my husband are on the same paragraph when it comes to the way we are raising our son.

We back each other up no matter what in front of our son.

Consistency is key. Period. No matter what the rules are or aren't.

The kids have to be getting the same thing from both parents.

CafeMom Tickers
benny1031
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:18 PM
There are some things that we agree on and then there are some that we don't like bed time my dh will let him stay up past nine and watch his shows he will give him pop and candy before bed I tell him why do you do these things when I ask you not to and he says to me that its just a little bit and I say well that little bit makes him crazy and then he ignores me why do men do these things it drives me nuts!!!
Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:19 PM

I absolutely agree with  you. We don't discuss it in front of them, that we do privately, but he really does need to back me up the way he used to.

We came up with the rules and consequences together, with the agreement that we would back each other up. Now he is flipping the script on me and that is not going to be good for our kid in the long run. 

Quoting Basherte:

Me and my husband are on the same paragraph when it comes to the way we are raising our son.

We back each other up no matter what in front of our son.

Consistency is key. Period. No matter what the rules are or aren't.

The kids have to be getting the same thing from both parents.


Reina13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:22 PM

Vent away! You are definitely dealing with stuff with your SD and your DH as well. He really does need to get on the same page as you, or at least put some rules into place.

Good luck mama, I hope this is a temporary thing for you and it all works out. 

Quoting busymommy2013:

Holy moley! That was a long rant! Sorry, this question totally brought on a vent session.


Quoting busymommy2013:

We pretty much agree, but he has a problem with follow through. Also, my step children's mother is a mess, her house is chaos, violent, the kids do run wild, and the house is unsanitary .... my SS doesn't ever want to go to his moms because of it, and SD likes to go over there only if she doesn't get her way over here. Over there, she runs the show. She can have quite the entitled attitude. My husband used to work on keeping her additude in line. Custody is joint. Now, he will not discipline her when she gets out of line. He let's her verbally abuse me and gets upset with me when she yells at me and I put her in time out in her room. His reasoning? He wants to make it as fun over here as it can be so that she won't want to go to her mother's when she doesn't get her way over here. As of lately, BM never calls to get her children on her days, so the kids pretty much live here full time while she collects welfare for them, by saying that she has them more than 51% of the time. By my husband being so lax on her behavior, he is creating a monster. I'm sorry, I may not be her mother, but I believe I do have a say when she is being rude and cruel to me. I am an adult, and her step parent who puts the clothes on her back, food in her stomach, and toys in her room. She should not be treating me like that. Yesterday, it was so bad that that I was going to send her to her moms since she was constantly yelling and screaming at me. Time out doesn't work anymore, I can't spank her, and her dad tells me to relax and that I should make it fun for her. I try to make it fun for her but the minute I say no to ice cream for breakfast, I am the enemy and she let's it be known! I will not reward that kind of behavior. Once she went to the swimming pool just about a month ago with our neighbor. One of her other friends showed up and she left with her friend without saying anything!y husband found her walking down the street on the other side of town headed to her moms for a slumber party! We found out because the neighbors came to our house looking scared out of their minds to tell us that our daughter had up and dissapeared from the pool and their daughter told them she left with a friend. Evidently her mother made plans with her and not my DH for his daughter to go to her house and we were never told about it. It was also our day. So we have a vanished child somewhere in town durning harvest season ( the most dangerous time of year). My husband caught up with her and allowed her to finish walking to her mothers with her friend, but followed them until the baseball field, which is 3 blocks from her mothers house. He told her to go straight to her mothers house and that he would be calling her mother to let her know what went on, and he did. 2 hours later, her mother calls all frantic because her daughter wasn't home yet. Evidently, the girls had found a group of boys at the field and "hung out with them". She was supposed to be in serious trouble. BM said she was going to send her friend home and my step daughter would be grounded. None if this happened, so we planned on grounding her when she came back 2 days later. That day came around, and DH decided that he would just have a talk with her instead. Taking off in announced is a huge deal and this isn't the first time she's done it. She should have been grounded for a long time, but instead, I see it happening again in the near future...


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN