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My Husband Just Shot my Hopes down the Drain

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We were all on board to try for our second child next in a few months then out of no where he decides he wants to wait another year. I am so pissed. Reason, I just found the pefect doctor, I am in perfect health, I am at my ideal weight, I have the perfect health insurance, I love my job and our budget is great. To make matters better our DS in pretty much potty training himself and doing great in daycare. Last time, I listened to him I ended up with sucky insurance, a shitty doctor, and many health problems to follow from the L&D staff messing up. We were all on board and I don't know what happened. He also wants to back out of getting me the house which is fine because the one he wants is bigger. I just don't feel like I'm being valued.

by on Jul. 26, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Replies (31-40):
beauty1889
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:28 PM

 All I can say is talk to him. I thought my husband told me to wait to try for #2 right when the timing was good as well, turned out he worded something wrong and i missunderstood what he was trying to say....we are trying for #2 as we orignally planned!!!!

Bellarose0212
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:48 PM


It sounds like her kid is two? Waiting until her kid is three won't make him a babysitter. Not saying that's what she should do, but this perspective struck me as odd.

Quoting N_maricle:

You can never go back and make your kids closer in age. When they are spaced far apart, they will never be playmates. The older one ends up babysitting.



N_maricle
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Three years not so much but as is drags on to 4 or 5 years they grow up so separately. My sister was a year older than me, and my kids are less than two years apart. It was important to me that they be spaced close together. Doesn't work for everyone but I think it's worth the extra hassle of having two in diapers. Now that they are 5 and 3 they are built in best friends.

Quoting Bellarose0212:


It sounds like her kid is two? Waiting until her kid is three won't make him a babysitter. Not saying that's what she should do, but this perspective struck me as odd.

Quoting N_maricle:

You can never go back and make your kids closer in age. When they are spaced far apart, they will never be playmates. The older one ends up babysitting.





BluLady
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 5:42 PM

Thanks everyone. My heart is just so broken because I really too, want a VBAC and my doctor has agreed to it. Not that another c-section would be horrible I just want a chance to take of a newborn and my DS. I do not want to not be able to play with my son if I have another child because another doctor refuses to let me try.

 I also, do not want to have to adopt if I could have my own child.

The timing is perfect and we definitely have the money. My employer insurance covers 90% and I have Aflac along with a savings. His reasoning is that he doesn't want to count my money from work to support a child. I understand that he doesn't want me to worry about money but him wanting to pay for everything is putting us behind.

He also did not get the house that he wanted for us this weekend because he claimed to not have $500.00 for the fee, I told him I had it and he said No. Something else is going on and I do not like it.

I'm just really thrown because he knew my endometriosis situation before we got married and he knew I wanted 4 children and I compromised for two before I turned 28. Now we have our DS which he is an amazing father to. I  do not know what to think. At this point I do not want another child with him because I do not know if I can trust him. I feel like I am being lied to.

PeppyInPink
by New Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:07 AM
I'm so sorry about the diagnosis. I know a girl with it & she may never be able to conceive. I'm worried I may as I almost always have pain there and I'm making an appointment to talk about what could be going on and options bc we also want to try for #2 soon.

I would express to him how hurt you are over him saying no after he was in board. Maybe explain to him how good you guys are and how the budget will allow for a new baby.


Quoting BluLady:

He says that it's money he's concerned about but we've never been as better off as we are now. He's just cheap in my opinion. It just frustrates me because I just found out that my doctor thinks I have endometriosis so waiting could me no more children

Mickimarie
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:34 AM

could he be having problems at work he doesn't want to stress you about? If he isn't currently sure where the future stands he might want to wait until he is on steadier ground


Pammi86
by Pamela on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:21 PM

I am sorry. I would talk to him.

Diane1223
by Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 11:37 AM
I am sorry; I would keep talking to him about it and get him to change his mind
MelanieJK
by New Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 12:02 PM

When are you planning on buying this bigger house he wants?       Maybe he's only comfortable buying that if you wait a year on the baby?      

Financial restraint is always wise so "we're in a better place than ever" doesn't tell us much.    Do you have your emergency fund covered (8 months worth of expenses covered in your savings) even after any major expenditures (downpayment etc.) that you have planned.    

If financial security is really his concern,   you should be drilling down on that to convince him.    There's all sorts of resources that provide guidelines about where you should be at various stages of your life. Use those.  

BluLady
by Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 9:34 AM

You make a good point

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