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Anyone married to a widower or is widowed and re-married ?

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:23 PM
  • 9 Replies

I am married to a widower,  he had lost his wife 3 years before I met him.  I am curious to know if you're in the same situation as me & how you go about dealing with that.  Or if you are the widow and you are in a new relationship ...

I am very open / accepting of his first wife, I don't feel jealousy or anything. Although we don't have pictures of her hanging on the walls or anything he has kept picture of his wife and that's fine by me.  I also visited her grave before we got married, I felt I should do it out of respect.  He's kept things that were hers/theirs as a couple and I have integrated them into our home.  I cook some of her recipes... some people are a little shocked at how comfortable I am with the whole thing.  

Thoughts ?

by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:23 PM
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Replies (1-9):
goldilocksbecky
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:15 PM

That's wonderful and honestly, it's the way it should be.  She was an important part of his (and his children's) lives.  Honoring her memory is the right thing to do for all of them.  

If something happens to me and my husband remarries, I certainly hope that his new wife would speak of me kindly to my DH and DS and respect the years that we spent as a family.  That in no way threatens or takes away from the new relationship or keeps them from being happy.

i also think its sad that nobody else has commented on this thread.  A drama thread would have 100 replies by now.  But let somebody act like a sane, reasonable, level-headed adult and nobody has anything to say.

Good luck to you and your DH.

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:37 AM

 Thank you for the reply and comments.  I guess nobody here is married to a widower or is widowed is all.  I was just curious to see how it works in other households with my situation. 


Quoting goldilocksbecky:

That's wonderful and honestly, it's the way it should be.  She was an important part of his (and his children's) lives.  Honoring her memory is the right thing to do for all of them.  

If something happens to me and my husband remarries, I certainly hope that his new wife would speak of me kindly to my DH and DS and respect the years that we spent as a family.  That in no way threatens or takes away from the new relationship or keeps them from being happy.

i also think its sad that nobody else has commented on this thread.  A drama thread would have 100 replies by now.  But let somebody act like a sane, reasonable, level-headed adult and nobody has anything to say.

Good luck to you and your DH.


 

esox
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this

My bf's Grandmother sought out a widower with a child to marry. She couldn't have children of her own and didn't want all the drama that goes along with an ex wife/family. They were perfect for each other, traveled the world together and adored each other until he died as well. Then she practically dis-owned the son a few years later. But for good reason. The son had agreed to have a baby with my mother-in-law. Then after she was pregnant, about 3 months along he decided he never wanted children and ran off on her. The Grandmother rarely talked to the son, but always kept in contact with my Mother inlaw and her Grandchildren. Since her husband was no longer around, she took her Grandson with her to travel the world. 

When my mother in-law remarried, Grandma considered the new guy as her son. The new guy and the mother in-law had a baby together, which is now my BF so technically he wasn't related to the lady we called Grandma, but you never would have known. 

goddess99
by Michelle on Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:28 PM

I'm not in the same boat as you but you've handled it very well =)

trayseehalf
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:26 PM

I think that is wonderful of you!! Bless you!!

SlapItHigh
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:21 AM

I think your acceptance is to be applauded. You sound like a wonderful wife. 

CrossStitchMum
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 3:41 AM

oh bless you mama :) I was the eldest child in that situation and I know how hard it is on them and I say thankyou for keeping her memory alive, they will appreciate it.

cindilou13
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:45 AM

I think it's awesome and you are doing the right thing and handling it very maturely.  She was an important part of his life (and children's if there were any).  Showing respect for that and honoring her memory is so great and compassionate. 

I am not in this situation myself, but my mom passed away when I was 16 and my Dad is remarried.  Like any blended family, it's had it's ups and downs-all us kids are adults and the youngest  was 18 when we married, so we have different opinions, etc. But one thing I appreciate a lot about my step-mom is that she hans't tried to replace my mom or pretend she didn't exist.  We don't call her Mom (although if we had been younger kids when this happened I could see using some version of that), we call her my her first name.  We refer to the step siblings as our sister's and brother's, all the kids are 'cousins', without saying 'step'.  And there are decorations, items, recipes, etc.., in our house that were my mother's.  if we are all sitting around talking and childhood experiences or stories come up no one is insulted or wierded out if we talk about our mom.  Over the years many things have been packed up but always saved for us and there are lots of things still around too.  There are some family pictures of us up with her in them.  Yes things have also changed, but mom would have changed things too over the years.  So as a child of a widower, I can say that what you are doing is deeply appreciated by your DH and family.  Keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about any 'shocked' people.  Maybe it just shows you have more compassion than they would, and that's a good thing!

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:36 AM

 Thank you ! 

He talks about her quite a bit too, I don't mind hearing stories of his previous marriage. We are 2 very different women and sometimes I'm curious how things worked back then vs now with me.


Quoting cindilou13:

I think it's awesome and you are doing the right thing and handling it very maturely.  She was an important part of his life (and children's if there were any).  Showing respect for that and honoring her memory is so great and compassionate. 

I am not in this situation myself, but my mom passed away when I was 16 and my Dad is remarried.  Like any blended family, it's had it's ups and downs-all us kids are adults and the youngest  was 18 when we married, so we have different opinions, etc. But one thing I appreciate a lot about my step-mom is that she hans't tried to replace my mom or pretend she didn't exist.  We don't call her Mom (although if we had been younger kids when this happened I could see using some version of that), we call her my her first name.  We refer to the step siblings as our sister's and brother's, all the kids are 'cousins', without saying 'step'.  And there are decorations, items, recipes, etc.., in our house that were my mother's.  if we are all sitting around talking and childhood experiences or stories come up no one is insulted or wierded out if we talk about our mom.  Over the years many things have been packed up but always saved for us and there are lots of things still around too.  There are some family pictures of us up with her in them.  Yes things have also changed, but mom would have changed things too over the years.  So as a child of a widower, I can say that what you are doing is deeply appreciated by your DH and family.  Keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about any 'shocked' people.  Maybe it just shows you have more compassion than they would, and that's a good thing!


 

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