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Why does he treat him like crap?

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:51 PM
  • 37 Replies

Argh, I am so mad!

My sister has 3 kids. Her oldest is from a previous marriage. Her ex gave up all rights so there is no contact at all. She has since remarried and has 2 children with her husband.

When they first got together, I liked my BIL. He seemed to be doing a good job filling the dad role to my nephew. Now that he has his own children, he completely ignores the oldest. While my sister and bil are at work, HIS mother watches the kids. It is the same there. They lavish love and affection on the two little ones but, pretty much ignore my nephew unless it is to get on to him for something.

My nephew has been coming to my house for a week and a half every summer for as long as I can remember. When I went to pick him up, I was told that he couldn't come. Uh, why? My bil told me that my nephew couldn't come because it wasn't fair to the other two kids that he gets to have a fun week and they have to stay home. Uh, they never stay anywhere other than their grannys house and if they stay anywhere else they cry all night. They don't even stay at my parents house.

I am so mad that they treat my nephew like crap and cater to the little ones but then won't let him come for the one week he looks forward to all summer long.

Would you talk to them and try to convince them to let him come, or offer to bring all three of them here? 

How would you handle this?

And why does BIL seem to think it is okay to treat him like crap by completely ignoring him while showing nothing but love and affection to his kids? It pisses me off!

by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, I would do whatever it takes to get the nephew, even if (worst case scenario) you have to take the other two.

Mommyzlovez
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:11 PM
2 moms liked this

HOW much older is the oldest than the other two? If he is a few years older then I would spin it as "I was thinking since he is so much older it would be fun for him to have a day out and about doing big boy things." My mil does this with our oldest since he is ten and our youngest is only 2. If they still show an issue then I would have to put my foot down and say something. What does your sister say about all this?

FootballFan12
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm thinking about it, but then he wouldn't really have a fun week. The little ones would cry all the time and always want to be with him. He wouldn't be able to go fishing with my DH or be spontaneous. It is just a sucky situation. 

Quoting goddess99:

Honestly, I would do whatever it takes to get the nephew, even if (worst case scenario) you have to take the other two.


FootballFan12
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:27 PM

He is 13. They are 4 and 6. There is a big age difference. One of the reasons I make it a point to spend time with him in the summer is because they expect a lot out of him at home. He is pretty much responsible for them when he is home. I understand older kids helping out at home with younger siblings, but he does a lot and he needs a break too. He is their big brother, not their parent.

My sister doesn't say anything. She is pretty passive and let's her husband take the lead. 

I am just so mad for my nephew. 

Quoting Mommyzlovez:

HOW much older is the oldest than the other two? If he is a few years older then I would spin it as "I was thinking since he is so much older it would be fun for him to have a day out and about doing big boy things." My mil does this with our oldest since he is ten and our youngest is only 2. If they still show an issue then I would have to put my foot down and say something. What does your sister say about all this?


Mommyzlovez
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 3:42 PM

Hun then tell them look I want to treat him to some teenage ,big boy activities that younger kids cant do, like batting cages or what ever he is into and just tell him that his family loves him and that your sorry that the younger kids are getting so much attention, but that he is still very important to this family etc. Build him up like I am sure you are and as for his mom, not sure maybe she either dosent see it or is afraid to rock the boat idk, but he is blessed to have family that loves him. Praying it gets better soon, real soon! lol


Quoting FootballFan12:

He is 13. They are 4 and 6. There is a big age difference. One of the reasons I make it a point to spend time with him in the summer is because they expect a lot out of him at home. He is pretty much responsible for them when he is home. I understand older kids helping out at home with younger siblings, but he does a lot and he needs a break too. He is their big brother, not their parent.

My sister doesn't say anything. She is pretty passive and let's her husband take the lead. 

I am just so mad for my nephew. 

Quoting Mommyzlovez:

HOW much older is the oldest than the other two? If he is a few years older then I would spin it as "I was thinking since he is so much older it would be fun for him to have a day out and about doing big boy things." My mil does this with our oldest since he is ten and our youngest is only 2. If they still show an issue then I would have to put my foot down and say something. What does your sister say about all this?



emsmom627
by New Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 4:38 PM

that breaks my heart.  that poor boy.

johnny4ever
by Mrs. Depp on Aug. 5, 2013 at 4:57 PM


Quoting goddess99:

Honestly, I would do whatever it takes to get the nephew, even if (worst case scenario) you have to take the other two.

agreed!

zraunt
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 6:14 PM

Your sister allows it. He only does what she allows.

FootballFan12
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 6:37 PM

As much as I love my sister, you are right. She doesn't want to rock the boat.

Quoting Mommyzlovez:

Hun then tell them look I want to treat him to some teenage ,big boy activities that younger kids cant do, like batting cages or what ever he is into and just tell him that his family loves him and that your sorry that the younger kids are getting so much attention, but that he is still very important to this family etc. Build him up like I am sure you are and as for his mom, not sure maybe she either dosent see it or is afraid to rock the boat idk, but he is blessed to have family that loves him. Praying it gets better soon, real soon! lol


Quoting FootballFan12:

He is 13. They are 4 and 6. There is a big age difference. One of the reasons I make it a point to spend time with him in the summer is because they expect a lot out of him at home. He is pretty much responsible for them when he is home. I understand older kids helping out at home with younger siblings, but he does a lot and he needs a break too. He is their big brother, not their parent.

My sister doesn't say anything. She is pretty passive and let's her husband take the lead. 

I am just so mad for my nephew. 

Quoting Mommyzlovez:

HOW much older is the oldest than the other two? If he is a few years older then I would spin it as "I was thinking since he is so much older it would be fun for him to have a day out and about doing big boy things." My mil does this with our oldest since he is ten and our youngest is only 2. If they still show an issue then I would have to put my foot down and say something. What does your sister say about all this?




FootballFan12
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 6:41 PM

Mine too. I am the step child also.  My stepdad never ever showed the slightest difference between me and my sister (his biological daughter). He treated us equally no matter what. he never referred to me as his step daughter, but instead as just his daughter. It is so hard for me to grasp that she would allow her DH to be indifferent to her son. 

Quoting emsmom627:

that breaks my heart.  that poor boy.


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