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Advice Needed: What would you do?

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 5:03 PM
  • 13 Replies

We are having a large group of friends over this coming weekend. One of the guests is an old family friend who recently moved back here after being gone for 6 years.

Here is the dilemma. She is a recovering alcoholic with almost 2 years soberity. Admittedly she doesn't put her self in positions that could cause her to falter.

Our gathering is an end of summer type of BBQ and we had antcipated having beer and mixed drinks. In support of her, I decided not to have alcohol. While everyone is mostly supportive, I have heard some grumblings about it.

She called me and told me she would be fine even if there was alcohol there. She doesnt want to be the cause of any hard feelings from anyone else.

My gut says no alcohol and if other friends get upset, too bad. But at the same time I am usually not one to accommodate only one person and ignore the rest.

What would you do? Or am I just over thinking it all?

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 5:34 PM

I think it's great your friend is trying to stay sober, & it's wonderful of you to support her.  All parties & such we've hosted have always been dry, so I wish I had some advice.  Sorry.  :-(  Is there a way to do bring your own drink, whether it be alcohol/non-alcohol? 

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:01 PM

Tough situation. I  would probably go with whatever she says.

by Sarah on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:23 PM

I'm honestly not sure.. 

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:26 PM

If she says it's fine, I'd allow the drink and hope everyone will be thoughtful of her struggle on a personal level.

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 6:49 PM
I think if you don't have the alcohol it may seem as if you didn't trust your friend in the situation of alcohol. I would again tell your friend how proud you are of her for being sober . ;)
by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 7:03 PM

I have been there several times. I had a block bbq and one person just got back from treatment so I decided to tell everyone that Mav was coming and I simply asked everyone not to bring booze. 50% of them brought it anyway. Mav was ok with it and the person the maddest was Mavs wife.. To this day she still don't talk to those 50%. So if you are the one having the party and booze is expected ,I wouldn't tell anyone you are not having booze and explain the problem when they all show up. If you tell them you are not having booze then they will bring their own. First off be sure to ask the recoverer how he feels. Maybe go from there... 

by Michelle on Aug. 6, 2013 at 7:21 PM

I would serve booze. She's a big girl and has been sober for a while. She should be able to handle it.

by on Aug. 6, 2013 at 8:57 PM
out of respect for her struggle I wouldn't serve it ... if people wanna BYOB you cant stop that but you personally don't have to

A+C=LOVE ... married 8-9-11 ... Expecting our first sept 2013 !!!

by on Aug. 7, 2013 at 10:54 PM
If she says that shes fine with it i would allow it She has to adjust her life to not give in because the world will not change for her. I would allow it but not like a full on bar Then I would ask her through out the evening if shes doin ok and look her in the eyes and ask her deeply if shes ok and if she not then stick by her side and help her thru it or depending on the time have a cut off time of the drinks that way it doesnt get out of hand
by on Aug. 7, 2013 at 11:55 PM
I would say since you are ok without serving alcohol and you are hosting the party you should not feel like you have to serve the alcohol. It's too bad some people are not being understanding. They can have alcohol anytime. Why do they have to have it on that night?

I know some people are like that about alcohol, though. We rarely ever have alcohol at our get togethers, and everyone still has a great time. My FIL wants the alcohol all the time, but oh well. He can have it when he gets home. We don't feel alcohol needs to be at every gathering like he does.

At the same time the person in recovering may prefer you serve the alcohol, because she does not want to be singled out and thinks she can handle it. Since you had already planned to have alcohol before you knew she was coming to the party, she may feel that she does not want her sobriety to change your plans. Maybe talk with her some more and let her decide.

I hope you enjoy your party and everyone has a good time either way! Good luck!
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