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Need to VENT about my Husband!! Please Read and give your opinion.

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Ok first of all I'm 25 years old and he's 24 years old...we've been together for almost 8 years but married 2 years and have a 5 year old that will be going to Kindergarten in a cple weeks. I'm a stay at home mom and he works 3rds...ANYWHO...he's a very caring person likes to help out his family out and mine which is totally fine. I'm the one that figures out what were spending each week on bills and I write it all down on paper so he can look at it anytime....and I'm not gonna lie we are in debt with credit cards and what not "thank god I cut alllll my cards up a cple years ago" but anyways His mom is married and they both work their house is paid off, her husband drinks and plays lottery everyday it seems like and they both smoke cigs...My mom is single, pays a $500 rent, and all her other bills her self and she smoke cigs "yucky"...But what I don't get is his mom likes to talk to her son "my husband" about how there behind in bills or ugh i'm not gonna have enough money to pay our cell phone bill this month when she knows how he is..He would do anything to help his mom...which I kinda understand...I guess.... she had sugery last week and is off of work for 2 weeks BUT her husband is still working... and of course me and my husband is on her cell phone plain and we pay our share of $136 and so is his sister but her mommy pays for her cell phone that is a SMART PHONE smh... she doesn't work, lives off of the goverment, and won't get a job becuase she doesn't wanna pay rent and she is 23 years old...but  anyways this month is horrible with bills, school fees, supplies, clothes, soccer fee, and etc.. But my husband is working 12 hour days just so he can pay the cell phone bill of $300.00!!! Why the hell can't her husband work over!!! and I'm stressing over it because if we pay that we won't be able to get groceries! and last week we couldn't cuz we didn't have any money left after bills which was fine cuz we had a lot of grocerys but this week were getting pretty low..and I keep telling him I'm fine with helping out family BUT we need to make sure we get our bills paid, food, and make sure our daughter has everything she needs like medicine, etc. but noooo everytime I talk with him about this he goes whatever your stupid and calls me names or whatever...and then he goes are you seriously worried about getting food this Friday...if we need to we got plenty of family that lives around us we can just go there and eat..HELL NO i'm not gonna have other people take care of us just because your mom and dad don't know how to save money and pay their own bills...I mean come on ugh I think if we would get divorced it's because of over money and him not caring and not wanting to make sure were good with money before he goes and agrees to pay his moms or sister stuff...which!!! he NEVER talks to me before he agrees to paying his moms bills to get my opinion... I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm just ready to call his mom up and just tell her hey you got to stop telling chris "my husband" your money problems because he will go out of his way to help her and not care if were late on one of our bills or one time my daughter had a fever we couldn't even buy some pain/fever meds for her cuz we didn't have any money!!!! how sad is that...

I know it's his money blah blah blah but our family comes first thennnn we can help family out IF we can and got the money too.  But yeah my single mom can pay her own bills she has only ask us a cple times to help her out but it's mostly to bring some food over when me and my daughter comes over and thats it. doens't make ANY sense at allllll. :-(

Sorry for so long and it's probably so confusing but if you could please tell me what i should do.

by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 12:44 AM
Replies (11-17):
by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this

It's possible that your MIL feels like she's lost her son to you and the money thing is just her way of feeling like she has some say/control over what he does still. I had similar issues with my MIL for the first few years of my marriage only not involving money. My MIL tried to control everything we did down to telling me how I should arrange my furniture in the first place we moved in to on our own. She would call constantly and have my husband come over to fix things/do things for her. Honestly, I wish I could give you some advice that would for sure help. I know with my MIL I eventually had to just try to befriend her(even though she still drives me crazy) and eventually she stopped all of the crap she had been pulling. My Mom sent me this when we were in the worst of all of the problems and my husband very reluctantly read it and finally saw some light as well.

Just like yours my husband was saying I was the screwed up one and his Mom was doing nothing wrong. It was finally a turning point in him not letting his Mom continue as she had been. Hope this helps. Good job in not already freaking out as much as you could have at this point!

by on Aug. 15, 2013 at 11:23 PM

Gosh THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR ADVICE / OPINIONS!!! This all is helping me out a lot and giveing me ideas on how to make this all work out I appreciate everyone for helping. I just hope all this changes soon!!

-Nicole <3

by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2013 at 10:02 AM
1 mom liked this

When a man gets married, he is supposed to leave his parents. Not emotionally, but he then is responsible (not only him) to take care of his 'new' family. His responsibilities lie with you and the children first. Then if there is anything left over after needs are met and he feels a need to help, then and only then should he be offering to help.
Though it seems to me that a household with two people working, should be able to pay the bills. If they can't then they are spending way too much money on things that are wanted more than needed.

I personally would cut them off financially. Not emotionally.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 10:47 AM

THat's right-you are a team, or should be and it's wrong not to put his family first.  Can you have a calm conver about the bills you can't pay?  He shouldn't call you names or anything.

by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM
no offence but the mom should be helping out u guys not the other way around ... try talking to him with out getting emotional cuz after all its his mom and he feels the need to protect her and guys tune out when we get high pitched and all so relax and try talking in a way he'll understand ... if that doesn't work i'd try saying to the mom ... in a non confrontational way that you guys have a kid to raise and although you'd like to help in anyway its hard when there are so many expences that come with rsing a child and that her son is just to nice to tell her no but it has been putting you in a bind ... in a nice way cuz if u go calling to blast her ur just gonna make it worse ... praying for you

A+C=LOVE ... married 8-9-11 ... Expecting our first sept 2013 !!!

by on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM
Your right,it doesn't make any sense. I think his mom calls and tells him this because she knows that if she does he will offer to pay for them and his lazy sister! I would come right out and ask him if it's more important to him for his lazy sister to sit on her butt and get a free smart phone or for his own family to eat,have over the counter meds and be healthy. I would take your phones off her plan and get your own plan or pre paid phones,so your stuff is separate from her's.
by Amanda on Aug. 16, 2013 at 2:28 PM
Ummm.. Your husband needs to cut the umbilical cord already and focus on the family he helped create. Let them take care of themselves. You need to straight up tell him he needs to consult you before lending money or big purchases. It is the FAMILY'S money. Not just his. *hugs*
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