I am new to the world of step parenting. 3 months ago my dh's 12 year old daughter reached out to him via cellphone. The last time dh saw her she was 3 years old. I'm not going to go into too much detail but I will say dh got into dome trouble. He was put on probation. Her mother took dh back to court to seek out full custody and revoke his visitation. To our surprise the judge granted her full custody and revoked dh's visitation. I know your think he must have done something really bad. Long stoey short dh was convicted as a sex offebder for engaging in sex with his 15 year old girlfriend who protrade herself as a 17 year old.
Well over the years he continued to pay his child support, provide her with health insurance, pay for all after school activities and send her $100 on christmas and her birthday. We put up pictures of her all over the house (mostly baby pictuees and her 2nd and 3rd birthday pics). As our children got older we told them about her and showed them pictues of her. Our plans never weee to exclude her feom our lives. Our doors were always open and our arms were always willing to welcome her.
3 months ago dh got a very surprising phone call from his daughter asking to see him. He picked her up and they went out to lunch. He conveied to me that not much was said. She did however ask to see him again and asked if she could come over for christmas. Dh told her yes of course. There have been quite a few visits since that day.
Dh brought it up to my attention that he is feeling like her reasons for wanting to see him were not to build a relationship, but to use him. Things she say's and does make him feel the relationship they are building are not based on each other but material things and places. For instance she always has to know what they or us are doing before deciding whether or not she wants to tag along, she constantly tries to get dh to buy her things, always claims she's bored if we hang out at the house playing games baking or watching movies, doesn't seem inteeested in getring to know us or dh, she never calls dh between visits, invites her friends to do stuff and says her dh will take them ect.
Dh goes out of his way for her. Calls her at least twice a week, invites her over at least once a week, goes to her ball games, takes her our just the two of them ect. I am trying to be supportive. I don't know what to tell him. Any advice?
on Aug. 26, 2013 at 9:07 AM