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Desperately seeking advice before its to late.

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:20 AM
  • 17 Replies

Okay I am a 27 yr old mommy of a 7 year old, 5 yr old, 3 yr old and an almost 31 yr old. Plus we have a 2 and a half yr old dog and a 10 wk old puppy.

The advice I need is this. My fiancé and I are both out of work and looking right now. So we are both stay at home for the time being. But mostly we do both work. He stays up almost all night long, most of the time it is all night and all day long. Then when he does go to sleep its when we are all waking up for the day. Then he sleeps all day til the kids go to bed. Then magically he wakes up. Right. When he does wake up at night or even during the day this is what he does. He drinks rock stars like they are crack. He plays call of duty for hours. Plays his guitar. Draws and designs tattoos. Or he spends hours in the garage doing useless and pointless crap because we are just renting. And excuse me while i brag a little and compplain a littel here but I am the one who, gets the kids breakfast. Gets them ready for school, lunch,back packs, homework, dressed, teeth, hair, snacks, supplies. I then take then to school. I come home and I still have the 3 yr old to take care of. She is in the process of finally going in the big girl potty. So I've been cleaning up pee pee and other stuff, wet clothes, towels, underwear, plus the 19 wk old puppy has been learning to potty outside also. So yes there is that issue. I get the kids doctor appointments, and take them. Our oldest is almost 7 and he has been my step son for the past 4 years now.  He has ADHD and I make sure he gets his medicine before during and after school. I am the one to order it, fill it, pick it up and give the medicine to him when it's time. I feed the youngest lunch, I pick the kids up from school, do snack, homework, baths and dinner. And i get them ready for bed. sometimes he will cook though. He mows my moms grass and ours of course. He fixes what needs to be fixed, but at his own time. I feel like a single mother. It is really starting to bother me lately. He is a great dad. I love him my daughter loves him and I love his son like he is my own. He does have his good days and great traits. When I really need it he lets me sleep in til like noon. He will cook if its something I hate doing. He will take all the kids outside or to the park so I can get some peace once in a great while. He will make me anything I ask him to make once the kids are in bed. But it still really hurts me when he acts the other way, and its beginning to be more and more like this. He sat here tonight and was petting his two yr old dog, which I feed and bathe, and give attention to all the time, and she sleeps with me and my pup. Anyway he said to me "I need to spend some quality time with her tomorrow and maybe do something fun. She is starting to feel sad and ignored because of the puppy" I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at him "you think she feels ignored? How the heck do you think I feel them??" But I didn't. I bite my tongue to avoid and argument. I need help here. How can I get him to see that he is being extremely lazy and not helping to support his family very well? Is it too late for us? Should I just end it? Or should I keep fighting for something I know is truly good, but is just.....I done even know......HELP!!!!!!!

by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyReal
by Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 4:01 AM
2 moms liked this

Wow...those are great questions that only you can answer.  It seems like you have a lot of frustration which given the situation is understandable.  I would say talk to you husband because life is not easy nor will there always be a free flowing of happiness and contentment.  Communication is needed here and you need to not only let him know how you feel and what's going on but allow him to do the same.  You seem to have a good thing and a great (misguided or uninformed) guy  so YES,  FIGHT FOR IT!!!

johnny4ever
by Mrs. Depp on Sep. 14, 2013 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this

HUGS!!!

johnny4ever
by Mrs. Depp on Sep. 14, 2013 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this

You 2 need to have a discussion for sure! 

Kellyjude1
by Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Communication is key. He needs to understand how you feel and take it seriously. You keeping everything bottled up inside is not a good thing. Maybe the two of you go out to eat someplace or spend some quality time together and then you both can open up and talk. If he loves you he will listen and respect your feelings. Let him know you are not trying to put him down that you know he can do wonderful things but that you just need a little more help. Maybe he just does not realize all you do simply because you are the one doing it all..lol.  I hope this will help. 

silverthreads
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this

You deserve to be treated better than that.  Try some counseling for the two of you and if that doesn't work you should move on and make a happy life for you and your children.

honeygram4
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like he is on vacation instead of looking for work. When he did work, did he do certain things then?? I would definitely FIGHT. Love itself is not a fight, but it IS worth fighting for, good luck sweetie... {{hugs}}

Ajfam257
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 11:44 AM

Thank you for all the advice. I know something has to change before I lose my mind. I love him and my family more than anything in the world. But I cannot keep taking things on myself like this. Thanks again guys. I'm new to this site as well and I'm looking for good people to be able to talk to. 

Janet
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this

You just need to sit down and have a good heart to heart. Tell him just what you told us. That you love him and he is a good person. Then tell him what you need from him. He needs to know how you feel. You need to hear how he feels. Let us know how it goes if you do talk to him. You can't just give up on a person without even trying to work things out.

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him.

splatz
by Sarah on Sep. 15, 2013 at 12:49 PM

You need to sit him down and explain to him exactly how you are feeling. Write it down if you think you can't say it without getting into an arguement. Men are just really lazy and stupid sometimes. He may not even realize that he is doing it. 

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