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My 8yr old dd is horrendous for me...like I mean screaming and yelling crying to the point of hyperventilating all because she's asked to finish her homework. This morning was the last straw. I asked her to buckle up in the car she refused to and told me no, so I had to get out of the car and buckle her up. She was mad I was doing that so she clamped her arms down so I couldn't buckle her up. I had to hold one arm outta the way just to buckle her up. She was soooo mad by the time we got to the bus stop which is literally right behind our apartment complex that she started wailing on my seat. Kicking it really heard. Thank god I was parked or we would have been in a ditch. I turned around and yelled which I try not to because it shows her she's affecting me. She continued to kick and yell at me so I pull a little bit of her hair as a diversion because she was in full blown outrage mode and she was acting like someone was killing her. Has anyone had to deal with a child who acts like this or am I the lucky one? She's been acting out towards me for about 4 years now. It's such a energy sucker when I have to get up early to get her ready for school and she acts like this. Her father and I are married and she has a 3yr old sister so it's not like she has a rough life. She has everything that she could want and my stepmom even gave her an iPod touch. Any ideas?
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 9:17 AM
Replies (11-18):
SlapItHigh
by on Sep. 17, 2013 at 10:56 PM

Sounds like she needs help. Can u take her to a therapist?  In the meantime, the best you can do is give her empathy, validation and love. How often do u hug?

luvmybug
by Amanda on Sep. 17, 2013 at 10:57 PM
I do this with my 9yr old. Well, I guess I can say that I HAVE done this. She is a lot more well-behaved now...

Quoting othermom:

My suggestion is take away everything from her room until she can learn to behave better and she can earn her stuff back.

Janet
by Ruby Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:37 AM
I think therapy would be a good idea.
jry
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:10 PM

For the homework, last year when my 9 year old son started to throw a fit and said he wasn't going to do it, I just calmly told him, "Fine, you don't have to do it, but YOU get to explain to your teacher why you don't have your homework done." After a moment of stunned silence and a "Huh?" reaction, he shouted, "Okay! FIne! I'll do it!" as if I had said I was forcing him instead of telling him he didn't have to, then he flounced over and finished it with mild grumbling, muttering and huffing to himself, which I ignored.

I think it worked because it gave him the responsibility for the choice of either doing it or taking the consequenses. He knew his teacher would take it seriously, he's lose behavior points, and he'd still have to do it anyway, but at recess instead of home. It also caught him off guard because he was gearing up for a fight, so it took the wind out of his sails. After that, we just had to remind him to occasionally to do his homework, and he settled for quietly grumbling to himself while doing it.

Note: this was homework that I knew he could whip through easily. His grumbles are generally about it being pointless and over stuff he already knows how to do. If it had been something he struggled with and was melting down from feelings of being overwhelmed, I'd take a different approach with tutoring and support. It depends on the circumstances.

A full-fledged kicking the car seat tantrum would probably get every single electronic device locked down with a password for at least a week. ALTHOUGH --- is there any possibility that your daughter is getting bullied on the bus or at school? If she's only throwing a fit over going to the bus or school, it may warrent further investigation. I was picked on in middle school, and the bus ride was especially horrible.

momofcdzte5
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:15 PM
My daughter did that shit ONCE...I beat her.ass...hasn't happened again....I don't and won't tolerate such behavior..I am not the one...the call me mama Sgt...for a reason..
johnny4ever
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by Mrs. Depp on Sep. 18, 2013 at 2:43 PM
Agreed

Quoting othermom:

My suggestion is take away everything from her room until she can learn to behave better and she can earn her stuff back.

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Sep. 18, 2013 at 3:51 PM

Hope things work out soon for you both.

PrettyMomma24
by Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 10:05 PM
It's not her fighting me to go to school, she fights me with everything. She gets plenty of love and attention.
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