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Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

blood thicker then water

Posted by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:27 PM
  • 9 Replies

I have been with my boyfriend for three years. Together we have a 11 week old  and I have a 7 year old from a previous relationshsip. We just bought a house together and basically we call each other husband and wife. I am always introduced has wife and he claims my 7 year old as his own. he is very close with his family. He has a good relationship with his mom and dad. My issue is his siblings. His sister just moved in with us. She watches the kids until she finds out a job. Basically she doesnt make any attempt to look for a job, which at first bothered me but since she is basically my nanny I am not complaining. My issue is she is up all night and sleeps all hours of the day. She just recently started cleaning up the house. When is brother comes to visit I feel like all I do is clean up after them. my husband is always like if my siblings end up homeless they are moving in.. And in my mind I start screaming. His two younger brothers are huge slobs and are kind of lazy. If I say anything negative about their behavior he blames me and throws me under the bus saying I am complaining about them. Its got to the point where I dont ever want to complain about anything. He complains about our electric bill and water bill is so high and I couldnt imagine what it would be like if his brothers moved in. But I always feel like he will blame me for it. I dont know if this all makes sense but I feel really distant from him now and I always want to tell him how I feel but I feel like he will just make me feel like crap . I know they are his family and I know I will never be as important to him as they are and he will always choose them over me. Maybe I just needed to vent to someone about this.

by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:27 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Squirrel1309
by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:49 PM

That's not right, if you two are (more or less) married,  you and the kids should be the priority. I understand being close with your siblings but there have to be rules and boundries! Can you sit him down sometime and tell him you are not attacking his family and you understand how close they are BUT this is your house too and there have to be rules for his family when they visit? Tell him you know how close they are and you support that but when it comes to your house, your utilities, and your kids there are going to be some boundries and rules! How is his sister watching the kids if she sleeps during the day?? Good luck! 

kacfl816
by Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:54 PM

I hope she wakes up to take care of our infant. Sometimes I come home and the house is clean. Other times I come home and its trashed. We also have dogs. I feel like I am the one who takes care of them and is constantly cleaning up after them. My husband is very hard to talk to. He gets very defensive of his family. When we had the first fight about the dogs messing in the house and no one cleaning up he started freaking out on me.. I am pretty sure its cause his sister told him she takes the dogs out and stuff. So of course I am in tears mopping the floor and kitchen counters after a day of work with no sleep cause of our infant. I just always feel like if I complain about it they will say something different and I am the one who is wrong. Thanks for listening

AudisMommie
by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 12:52 AM

I know exactly how u feel. For a long time my husband and I actually lived with my inlaws. My husband worked and paid the phone bill, satellite bill, he paid for groceries, and a lot of the time he helped out with the electric bill. I didnt work but I cooked and cleaned and of course watched my daughter. My husbands parents had told as at one point that the house was being left to us and to treat it as our home. That was all fine and dandy......until my husbands brother and siser decided to move back in. My brother in law is the biggest slob u will ever meet. my sister in law is the laziest person i have ever met. i will admit, my brother in law did have a job but as soon as he walked in the front door i might a well have been his maid. he left cups, plates, clothes, and shoes all over the house. he wouldnt ever pick up after himself. my sister in law tho had no job, was "looking for one tho". sad thing is that she was just as messy as my brother in law. she made a mess and was here all day long and could have cleaned up after herself, but it never happened. in fact, the only way she ever cleaned was if i had went out for the day, already cleaned btw,she would make a mess. throw a bitch fit about how nobody ever cleaned and then my mother in law would PAY her to lean up her own mess. I would get soooo mad, and i would tell my husband about it. my husband and i would get into HUGE fights over how they would do. he would tell me that we lived in his mom and dads house so we had to play by their rules. i understood that, i wasnt trying to be disrespectful at all, but i felt that his brother and sister were being completely disrespectful to me and my inlaws. it came to the point where i gave my husband an ultimatium. move out or a divorce. we moved out and we r so much happier on our own now. stand up for urself and ur kids, i had to

fivegirls333
by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 9:29 AM

if he wanted a "partner" and a "wife"...he would have married you.  women who expect nothing?  get nothing.  enjoy or cut your losses and stop making horrible decisions.  if you do not feel worthy of a good life?  at least do it for your children.  get some help, get some support, and stop laying with dogs.  the fleas never stop...

littlemrsd
by on Sep. 21, 2013 at 11:43 AM

I kind of agree with the poster before me. You aren't married, they really aren't your inlaws so you don't have a say so. If he wanted to make you his parter he would have married you. Talk to him, set rules and stick to them. It's your house to. If it don't change move on.

goddess99
by Michelle on Sep. 21, 2013 at 12:08 PM

Personally I don't think a man should put his "old" family before his wife and kids. I know you're not married but still. Maybe this is the red flag to not bother getting married to him.

kacfl816
by Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 4:30 PM
I try to make good choices and do right for my kids. That is why I bought the house for them. He talks about getting married and I always change the subject. I have no interest in getting married ever. Maybe its because every boyfriend I have had has always put family and friends before my feelings and needs. So I don't know why I expected him to be different. His mom says ita cause he feels like he has to take care of his siblings. Maybe one day I will realize it isn't going to change and will be in a better place.


Quoting goddess99:

Personally I don't think a man should put his "old" family before his wife and kids. I know you're not married but still. Maybe this is the red flag to not bother getting married to him.


kacfl816
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:20 AM

Probaly right, if he wanted me as his partner then he would of married me... I am stuck in this situation because I am not exactly a catch.

Pnukey
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:01 AM

The good thing is that you're not actually married. If he continues to put his siblings before you and his child, you do not have to stay! He can enjoy paying child support, while living with his siblings.

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