So, this is the first post I've really made in Cafemom... I'll apologize in advance if it ends up being a long rant; though honestly joined to have someone to talk to-so thank you in advance for listening.
I'm a 23 year old, single mom working full time (and by full time, i mean all the time.. 50-60hrs a week.) and feel like I am at my wits end. I knew things wouldn't be easy as a single mom, but didn't know it would be this hard either.
I am paid rather well for my age, and from an outsiders perspective you would think I really have my stuff together.. so why is it I can't find happiness with in this new chapter in life? I feel like the more I try to ponder what's going on with me and how to stray from this plateau of negativity I've been stuck on-the worse things get.
I work in a rather stressful environment, which leaves me feeling mentally drained and just not motivated to deal with much afterwords. I put my daughter in a daycare, which is more like a preschool than a daycare and ever since I've seen a huge change in her as well. Between work, and my baby... I am ready to throw in the towel.
I've been getting more and more reports from the daycare (they send them home daily to let parents know what the kids do during the day) stating that my daughter has been having a rough time listening at school and I can't help but think it's my fault.
I took the advice of walking away when I get really angry, and I feel like it's just given my daughter the idea that it's okay to just ignore things that you don't feel like dealing with-like teachers asking you do something. It's not even at school any more though, she's been having a really hard time listening at home too. Things have gotten to the point that I usually cannot get a response from her until I am screaming at the top of my lungs-which is not the relationship I want to have with my child. She has an attitude in her response to everything.. and again I can't help but think it's all my fault... and if I don't correct it now, only god knows how our future years together will be. So, instead of me losing my cool... I walk away.
I don't know if it's the stress from my job, being on my own as a young adult, being a single parent... or a combination of all three but I just feel like I'm ready to throw in the towel and just crawl into a hole. I've tried talking to a therapist (I had my entire life until having my daugher... and between work and her, i just don't have the time any more) but don't feel like I really got anywhere... I don't want to be on antidepressants... I just don't know what I can do to shake this. I'm not sure if this post is actually asking for advice... but am sure I'm probably not the only mom to feel the way i do right now... I guess probably was just looking for someone who could relate to hear me out. [disclaimer: apologize for being debbie downer, but again appreciate you all allowing me to vent. :(.]