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I love my MIL, but...

Posted by on Oct. 21, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  • 24 Replies

Ok, at the moment I really need to vent.  And, it would be helpful to get some feedback on whether or not I am overreacting.


So, I have three boys.  My oldest is 9 and my younger boys are twins who just turned 4.  My best friend has a little boy who is almost 7, so he is right it the middle of my boys, age wise. 

For years, I have handed down clothes and toys from my oldest to her son, and then she passes them right back - plus more that she has added - for my younger boys.  And, at the moment, her son has outgrown his bike, but we have one that is much too big for the twins and much too small for my oldest - so I told her she could have it.

Trouble is, last year we took it to my mother in laws house and forgot it.  Since my oldest sone was already too big for it, we just bought him a new one and never bothered to take the old one home.

I didn't think it was a big deal and I have mentioned my plans to give it to my friend to my MIL and she never said anything about it.  That is, until today when I texted her and asked if she could bring it over when she came to our house this weekend.  She replied and told me that she and my FIL had talked about it and they decided that they were going to keep that bike at their house, for their grandkids, sorry. 

Now, I am glad this was all through text, because I am not sure how I would have reacted, and I have a really good relationship with my MIL for the most part - of course, this doesn't really surprise me now that I think about it.  She is rather overbearing.  But, I was blown away in the moment and really mad.  It's not like she came to me and asked if they could keep it or even discussed it with me at all - No, they just decided on their own.

I tried to stay calm and replied that I didn't want to be rude, but that was our bike and I was giving it to my friend.  To which she replied that they had helped pay for the boke (which, I don't remember, but it is possible) and they were keeping it for their grandkids.  (second time she said she was doing it for her grandkids, which for some reason got on my nerves too.)

I just dropped it and apologized to my friend and explained that we wouldn't be able to give her the bike - and of course, she was totally ok with. 

I have not spoken to my MIL since, and am not sure what to say, or how to even articulate why I am so mad.  But, it has been a few hours now, and I am still pretty upset about it.

My husband said he would talk to her about it, but I would like to know if I am overreacting and get some of your opinions as well.


**Edit** My MIL doesn't have any other grandkids besides my boys, so there isn't anyone else who can use the bike for a few years.

by on Oct. 21, 2013 at 11:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
celestegood
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Hmmm. Tough situation. I would wait a few days and think about it. Then, once you have your thoughts together, approach her. If it were me, I would tell her in a nice way, that you didn't tell her that it was ok to keep the bike, and it would be nice in the future if she asked. That way, you haven't stepped on her toes, and you can say you talked to her.
And you might decide its not worth your time to talk to her. Pick your battles wisely.
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celestegood
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Oh, and good luck!
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Momofmenagerie
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Mmmm, I think if it were me, and I'd left a bike over at a relatives place for a year, friend says, " no biggie" this is one you shrug off...( with an alcoholic beverage when she's there if needed, but just one!)

The " our grand kids " getting to you makes it seem there is something else caused an issue?

Your BF seems to understand that your arrangement may not always work. Be happy she's understanding because quite honestly? You've stored it at MIL's house for awhile now, it doesn't seem like something to get too bent out of shape over.
goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 22, 2013 at 9:27 AM

I'm assuming then she has more grandkids than just your boys? Sounds like she's just being hateful and holding the bike hostage. Since your friend does not care, I would let my dh handle her and Never leave another thing at her house.

cali_gurl
by Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 10:59 AM

I would be mad too. Especially if the tone was off. But if they did help pay for it and lots of grandkids use it, I see her point to. My dad would do something like this and I would get over it. LOL

KW1280
by Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:05 AM
I agree


Quoting celestegood:

Hmmm. Tough situation. I would wait a few days and think about it. Then, once you have your thoughts together, approach her. If it were me, I would tell her in a nice way, that you didn't tell her that it was ok to keep the bike, and it would be nice in the future if she asked. That way, you haven't stepped on her toes, and you can say you talked to her.

And you might decide its not worth your time to talk to her. Pick your battles wisely.

sweetgrl1022
by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:33 AM

Thanks, everyone for the replies!  And, by the way, she doesn't have any other grandkids, my boys are her only ones.

sweetgrl1022
by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:34 AM


I think I would understand more if there were other grandkids, but there aren't.  My boys are her only grandkids.

Quoting goddess99:

I'm assuming then she has more grandkids than just your boys? Sounds like she's just being hateful and holding the bike hostage. Since your friend does not care, I would let my dh handle her and Never leave another thing at her house.



sweetgrl1022
by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:36 AM

If there were other kids in our family who could use it, then it wouldn't have even crossed my mind to offer it to my friend.  But, it's just my boys.  She doesn't have any other grandkids.


Quoting cali_gurl:

I would be mad too. Especially if the tone was off. But if they did help pay for it and lots of grandkids use it, I see her point to. My dad would do something like this and I would get over it. LOL



goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:43 AM

Yeah your mil is just being hateful now.

Quoting sweetgrl1022:


I think I would understand more if there were other grandkids, but there aren't.  My boys are her only grandkids.

Quoting goddess99:

I'm assuming then she has more grandkids than just your boys? Sounds like she's just being hateful and holding the bike hostage. Since your friend does not care, I would let my dh handle her and Never leave another thing at her house.




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