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Do you think I was in the wrong?

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So here's some background info-- I was given temporary custody of my 2 nieces in June. The father just recently got out of jail and is allowed supervised visitation at any time he wants as long as I consent. The mother had the same visitation but was arrested several times during a 3 week period so her visitation was transferred to DHS. I was told by our case worked that the mother is not allowed to see the kids outside of DHS without permission from the case worker. My youngest niece is having tubes put in tomorrow. The mother contacted me today saying she was told by our case worker that she could be there for the surgery. My case worker has not called me, has not sent me a letter/email or anything else. I told the mother that until I hear from the case worker, I was not giving her specifics on what hospital/when we will be there due to the fact that I DO NOT KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THE CASE WORKER ACTUALLY AGREED TO IT. The mother informed me that the case worker was out of town. I tried to call the office, left her a message, asked for them to contact her and have her call me, basically everything I could to speak with the case worker today. I have not been able to speak with her. So I told the mother again that I was not going against what I was told on her say so. Now both of the kids parents, my brother and his girlfriend, are saying I'm being childish, going against the case worker, being selfish, and trying to exclude them from the kids lives. In my opinion, I was not doing any of those things. I'm trying to follow the rules set forth to me by DHS while trying to do what is best for the kids. So... My question is, could I have handled this differently? Or did I do the right thing? Thanks!
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 8:40 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 12:03 PM

No, you did the right thing. Let the case worker tell you that you're wrong. 

by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 10:18 PM
I think your doing the right thing
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 10:58 PM
Rough situation but you did the right thing. I would have done the same.
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 1:23 AM

You did the right thing! plus if they were so mature and perfect well they would have custody of the kids.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 1:31 AM

You did the right thing. If she couldn't provide proof that's on her and next time she should be smart enough to do so. With as much trouble as she's been in, I wouldn't trust her word about anything.

by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:13 AM

your heart wants you to allow the mom there yes. and that would be the 'right' thing to do maybe, but NOT the legal thing. you are bound to do as the caseworker says, and so you really don't have the right to decide for yourself right now. you simply followed the rules set out for you. so it wasn't YOUR decision at all! and therefore you simply shouldn't hold any blame for it. (but i do understand your heart wanted you to break the rules, and it must have been really hard for you. so sorry!)


by Amanda on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:27 AM
You did the right thing. Don't worry about it. Just keep following the rules and you'll be fine.
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:33 AM

you did the right thing. 

by Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:45 AM
Thanks everyone! Come to find out, the mother was given permission by the caseworker to be there. But the caseworker "forgot" to contact me. I am waiting for her to get back in town because we are going to have a discussion about that. I don't feel like she should she make decisions like that without speaking to me first or at least informing me of her decisions. Someone else from the DHS office contacted me while we were at the hospital and told me she had spoken to our caseworker and she had given the mother permission. So the mother was able to come to the hospital right before we were discharged. She is still ticked off at me, but I still feel I did the right thing and don't really care if she likes it or not at this point. So once again, thank all of you for reaffirming that I did the right thing!
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:09 PM

I don't think you are are doing what you are instructed to do!

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