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HELP need advice!!!

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 1:51 PM
  • 59 Replies

Hi Parents!

Im in dire need of some advice

My daughter is 5 years old and for some reason she has a fear of my cousins boyfriend. She has known him since she was about a yr old. Shes always been rather strange with him. At the age of 1 alot of kids are shy with people they dont know so nothing came of it. my cousins boyfriend didnt come to every family function and they were always breaking up and getting back together so it wasnt like she saw him that much. But when she did she would hide her face and not look at him or anyone around she started doing this at the age of 2. i would take her in other rooms to get her away from him but she always seemed upset still.. months have passed and she seemed to be over it, she wasnt ever friendly with him she just didnt hide or shy away as much. we my cousin and her bf broke up for awhile so my child did not see him. once they got back toegther it started all over again and now shes 5 and isnt showing signs of getting better. my husband and i have told her not to bring him around my daughter , we had a family party at  my parents house and we wanted to make sure our daughter felt comfortable there so we asked nicely for him not to come to my parents house. my cousin was extremely upset with me that we said something and a huge fight broke out and we havent spoken since (3months its been)

my issue is that my sister (who i am extremely close with) is having her sons(my nephew) 1st bday party this weekend, what am i suppose to do about my 5 yr old? is it wrong that i dont go? my sister understands what we have been going through but i feel bad not attending his 1st party. im not sure if my cousin and her bf are even going but i cant ask her bc its such a sensative situation and we dont speak anymore.

others have said to just leave my 5yr old home with my husband but his issue is that since our youngest seems so upset over this guy that i shouldnt take my oldest (8yrs) around him either. my 8yr old has never been shy of him. she doesnt care about him one way or another.

 

sooo lost and confused!! please help with any advice.

we have spoken to a therapist but she said it would take along time to figure out what her issuse is with my couins boyfriend.

by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 1:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sheather
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 2:11 PM

BUMP!

mamasloves
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 3:55 PM
1 mom liked this

udo u think he did something to ur daughter to make her feel his way about him?

 

Linda733
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 4:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I would be wondering what is causing her behavior around him? Has he ever been alone with her where he would have an opportunity to harm her in any way? As for the party i understand you wanting to go to the party so why don't you just ask your sister if she invited them and take it from there. If they are going maybe you can talk to your sister about the tough spot you are in 

SlapItHigh
by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 4:23 PM
I would go with just your 8yo unless you have red flags about the guy too. Do you?
goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 27, 2013 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I would ask family members if that guy will be there, if not, we'd all go. If so, them I would go with my 8 year old.

celestegood
by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 7:51 AM
I was wondering that.

Quoting mamasloves:

udo u think he did something to ur daughter to make her feel his way about him?

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
celestegood
by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 7:51 AM
This.

Quoting Linda733:

I would be wondering what is causing her behavior around him? Has he ever been alone with her where he would have an opportunity to harm her in any way? As for the party i understand you wanting to go to the party so why don't you just ask your sister if she invited them and take it from there. If they are going maybe you can talk to your sister about the tough spot you are in 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
celestegood
by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 7:52 AM
1 mom liked this
I would go, but watch her like a hawk. In my sight at all times. Maybe he just makes her nervous? Idk
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sheather
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 4:59 PM

 

my husband and i are both very concerned about whats causing her to act this way. its never been just my daughter and him around alone but he has played with the kids before while we were outside in the summer time. (back when could tolerate him) we always thought that she would eventually get over this but she hasnt and its breaking my heart , not only mine but hers too. i know she wants to play with alll her cousins but shes letting her fears get to her and i feel so bad that theres nothing i can do or say to make her feel any better. my sister sent out evites online and my cousins mom (my aunt) replied to as going. my sister did not have my cousins email but she knows about the party and were not sure if shes going. i havet spoken to her in over 3months now bc of the way my child acts. she gets upset that we ask her not to bring him to our house. so its a very very touchy subject to ask if shes coming and i hate that.l dont want to live my life accoring to what they do and when they will be around the family. my sister understands whats going on and she feels so bad, she wants to see us all go... i just feel so stuck

Quoting celestegood:

This.

Quoting Linda733:

I would be wondering what is causing her behavior around him? Has he ever been alone with her where he would have an opportunity to harm her in any way? As for the party i understand you wanting to go to the party so why don't you just ask your sister if she invited them and take it from there. If they are going maybe you can talk to your sister about the tough spot you are in 


 

celestegood
by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Can you do play dates with the cousins, no men allowed? Otherwise, maybe counseling would help?

Quoting sheather:

 


my husband and i are both very concerned about whats causing her to act this way. its never been just my daughter and him around alone but he has played with the kids before while we were outside in the summer time. (back when could tolerate him) we always thought that she would eventually get over this but she hasnt and its breaking my heart , not only mine but hers too. i know she wants to play with alll her cousins but shes letting her fears get to her and i feel so bad that theres nothing i can do or say to make her feel any better. my sister sent out evites online and my cousins mom (my aunt) replied to as going. my sister did not have my cousins email but she knows about the party and were not sure if shes going. i havet spoken to her in over 3months now bc of the way my child acts. she gets upset that we ask her not to bring him to our house. so its a very very touchy subject to ask if shes coming and i hate that.l dont want to live my life accoring to what they do and when they will be around the family. my sister understands whats going on and she feels so bad, she wants to see us all go... i just feel so stuck


Quoting celestegood:

This.


Quoting Linda733:


I would be wondering what is causing her behavior around him? Has he ever been alone with her where he would have an opportunity to harm her in any way? As for the party i understand you wanting to go to the party so why don't you just ask your sister if she invited them and take it from there. If they are going maybe you can talk to your sister about the tough spot you are in 




 

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