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Mom to Mom Mom to Mom

Small Town VS. City Life

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I just want some other moms opinions on this subject. Sorry that it might be a little long.

My mom has a gyspy soul and moved us around a lot, that being said I grew up mostly in the south until I was 15, and my mom moved us to Michigan and ive been here ever since, dying to go back "home".

My mom now lives in PA, and my dad lives in TN. None of my siblings live here either. My husbands family all live in AL, where we met and grew up together.

Both dd (5 & 9) have only ever known life in the city, and their fathers both live here, with their families.

DH and I want to move back down south to raise our family in the small town life with close family surrounding us. I have extended family here in MI that I rarely see, or even speak to. (we are ttc)

I have joint custody of my dd with their fathers, and neither would politely agree to a move, so I would have to ask a judge permission.

If we move, we would probably go to TN bc that is where my dad, brother and dh's brother live.

The only reason we are still here is bc of the kids. I cant just pack up and go, but idk if its a good choice to see a judge. What if he/she doesnt allow the move?

My question is this: Do you think I should go through with the hearing, and take the chance that my case gets denied? Should I allow my children to make the choice themselves? Should I just leave it alone and stay put? 

I know that my dd's would be well taken care of if they chose to live with their fathers, (they have great relationships) and I was the one who got the summer visits and such, but I cant get over the feeling that they would feel like I abandoned them, or didnt want to take them. Also, I do not want to be the part time parent. I have had them full time their whole life, and theyre girls, they need their mom. 

I do not want to leave them, I want to be selfish and take them with me, but it makes me feel like a horrible mother to say so, especially because we have a friendly relationship with their dads. Also, they only see their dads every other weekend, and they dont see their extended family often enough that it would be so heartbreaking to be 900 miles away.

DD #1's dad has said in the past that he would allow her to choose where to go, however, i dont think a child should have that much pressure put on her. He has a large extended family and they have strong opinions. He cares a lot about what they think and what they would say as well.

DD #2's dad would fight it tooth and nail, basically bc his dad left him when he was a child, he only has a brother and his mom passed a few months ago. His daughter is "all he has" and she is his best girl.

I cant think of anymore details to add, so please ask if you can think of something I may have left out. I am only looking for another mothers perspective, someone who isnt biased and only has an opinion.

I am not trying to maliciously ruin their relationships with their fathers, and I would agree to any visitation options they chose, with the exception of the every 6 month thing, bc that is not stable for a child in school.



by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Replies (11-16):
Proud2bamomma
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 2:49 PM


I understand your point about the fathers issue, however, I was in highschool with my oldest daughter, when she was born I grew up and her father didnt. We were together over 4 years. My second daughter I was with her father for 4 years as well and we just didnt want the same things. I dont think that is so unstable. I am married now and I wouldnt have gotten married if I didnt know he was the one. Neither of them have a memory of me being with their father, as they were both really young when we split, so i doubt they are traumatized from that. Like I mentioned before, this is just a thought going on. Nothing is being addressed seriously, I was just wondering what other moms thoughts are on the subject. 

Quoting Jinxed8:

Wow ... this is quite the situation.  Personally I would stay put at least for a few years and wait until your girls are older like 12.  when they can somewhat make independant decisions.  Moving them away from their dad's at such a young age especially the one who has the really good relationship is not fair.  If they were dead beat dads it would be another story but it doesn't read that way.  I can tell you this much, I got divorced from DD's dad when she was 6 years old.  We both moved to a different house within the same town.  We live close to each other and he only sees her 4 days a month.  And still I know it has traumatized DD in some way. 

And no offence here but if your DD 1 and DD 2 both have different dads and you're moving away, trying to conceive #3, with Dad#3 - the judge may most likely go against you as you may not be showing the best stability in partners.



Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 3:07 PM
Like I said I'm sure you have your reasons and it doesn't take away from your abilities as a mom - but as far as a family court judge is concerned, I'm just telling you how it may look. I would leave it be for now, until your girls are a little older
Quoting Proud2bamomma:


I understand your point about the fathers issue, however, I was in highschool with my oldest daughter, when she was born I grew up and her father didnt. We were together over 4 years. My second daughter I was with her father for 4 years as well and we just didnt want the same things. I dont think that is so unstable. I am married now and I wouldnt have gotten married if I didnt know he was the one. Neither of them have a memory of me being with their father, as they were both really young when we split, so i doubt they are traumatized from that. Like I mentioned before, this is just a thought going on. Nothing is being addressed seriously, I was just wondering what other moms thoughts are on the subject. 

Quoting Jinxed8:

Wow ... this is quite the situation.  Personally I would stay put at least for a few years and wait until your girls are older like 12.  when they can somewhat make independant decisions.  Moving them away from their dad's at such a young age especially the one who has the really good relationship is not fair.  If they were dead beat dads it would be another story but it doesn't read that way.  I can tell you this much, I got divorced from DD's dad when she was 6 years old.  We both moved to a different house within the same town.  We live close to each other and he only sees her 4 days a month.  And still I know it has traumatized DD in some way. 

And no offence here but if your DD 1 and DD 2 both have different dads and you're moving away, trying to conceive #3, with Dad#3 - the judge may most likely go against you as you may not be showing the best stability in partners.




Janet
by Ruby Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 10:54 PM

I agree.

Quoting schatzi869:

I'm sorry, but I would never move and take my kids from their fathers, especially if they have really good relationships. it would be different if the fathers were absent or bad parents.


lizard3731
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:55 AM

I grew up in a big city.  I've lived in small towns since dh and I got married 28 years ago.  I prefer small towns, but if I were you, I'd stay where you are until the kids are grown.  I couldn't stand to leave my kids and I'd feel bad if they couldn't see their dads.

delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 1:06 PM

 I don't like a lot of moving myself...

RaisinGirl78
by Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 1:13 PM

This.  

Quoting nuts4scouts:

There is no pressing reason to uproot your daughters, and take them 900 miles away from their fathers (and, yes, that is exactly what you would be doing).

Moving simply because you prefer to live in a small Southern town does not qualify.

Put your daughters needs first, and stay where you are.

If you can not do that, I suggest you sign over custody to their fathers. As you stated, you can still have a relationship with them, you just would not be living with them.



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