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Just For Fun: 10 Halloween 'Treats' That Should be BANNED

Posted by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 11:56 AM
  • 31 Replies

10 Halloween 'Treats' That Should be BANNED

by Jill Smokler

Here’s the thing about thoughtful, considerate, health-conscious parents: They always ruin it for the rest of us, including Halloween. At some point over the last few years, some responsible mommy got her panties in a wad and decided kids needed something other than pure unadulterated candy at Halloween. Something safe, healthy, and/or useful.

Screw that. Give the kids something beneficial all the other 364 days of the year. On Halloween, give them chocolate and sugar. Indulging them this one day out of the year won’t make them obese. With that in mind, I refuse to hand out any of these candy alternatives ... 

1. Raisins. Happy Halloween, kids! Have a box of humiliated grapes.

2. Pencils. Nothing says “I am the least fun person ever” like a mom distributing school supplies.

3. Toothbrushes. I know you’re a dentist, but give me a break. Give the kids a free toothbrush when they visit you next month to treat their Halloween-fallout cavities.

4. Halloween erasers. First, novelty erasers barely work as erasers, which is like owning a pair of scissors that aren’t made for cutting. Second, they will become stupid and outdated the minute the calendar rolls over to November 1. Also, you can’t eat them.

5. Pennies. I don’t care if you’ve carefully counted out twenty of them and put them in a cute bag. Pennies are a worthless annoyance, even in quantities of twenty. Especially in quantities of twenty. In fact, I’d rather you just give me the cute bag.

6. Stickers. Because they will end up on my floor, or the windows of my car, or the bottom of my shoe, or in someone’s hair. No.

7. Religious crap. I respect your faith, but not your intent to impose it on my children. No Bible verse cards. No tiny Bibles. And, sweet Jesus, no pamphlets about how Halloween is satanic. You know what’s legitimately evil? Not giving out candy.

8. Juice boxes. Might as well hand out water guns filled with grape juice.

9. Apples. You know who’s always handing out apples in the fairy tales? Witches, that’s who.

10. Coupon booklets. Halloween is about the immediate gratification of 1) getting candy and 2) eating candy. Whereas a coupon involves 3) me having to take the kids somewhere to redeem the coupon and 4) probably having to buy something else. Too many steps. No thanks.

For children, Halloween is one of the highlights of the year, for approximately one reason: Candy. Quit ruining it with your responsible “treats,” humorless grown-ups. Give the kids the damn candy. You know, so I can eat it.

Do you agree with this list?

What other 'treats' do you think should be 'banned'?

by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 11:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 28, 2013 at 12:57 PM

I think popcorn balls should be banned.

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Oct. 28, 2013 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Hey now, I always liked getting those when I was a kid....lol

Quoting goddess99:

I think popcorn balls should be banned.


MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Oct. 28, 2013 at 1:49 PM

All those above should be banned.

johnny4ever
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Happy 11th Birthday Daniel!!!
Yesterday at 7:30 AM
by Mrs. Depp on Oct. 28, 2013 at 5:41 PM


Quoting goddess99:

I think popcorn balls should be banned.

Yep!

SlapItHigh
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 6:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Me too!


Quoting MistressMinerva:

Hey now, I always liked getting those when I was a kid....lol

Quoting goddess99:

I think popcorn balls should be banned.



SlapItHigh
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 6:56 PM
2 moms liked this
We usually get 99.9 - 100% candy around here. But I wouldn't mind getting pencils, erasers and stickers. It's too much candy.
musicmom08
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:32 AM
Then I’ll be tricking them by handing those things out. ;-)
Daltensmommy88
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:45 AM

Absolutely! People who give out anything other than candy are very ridiculous. Kids go for the candy and nothing else. Anybody handing out anything different is just setting that child up for disappointment.(Parent to lol)

MrsErdos2011
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Well it is called TRICK or treat.

la_bella_vita
by Silver Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:51 AM

 Pencils, erasers and stickers do not bother me.

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