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Am I really that bad? What would you do? Kind of long.

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 6:30 PM
  • 19 Replies

 

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Okay my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately.  First let me say that we have two kids DS is 19 months and DD is 5 weeks.  My house gets cluttered I will admit.  I'll let things pile up on our Foosball table for a couple of days before I get around to it.  And no the laundry is never caught up.  I make sure the kitchen gets cleaned and the living room straightened up as much as possible with DS running around.  I make lunch and dinner.  My DS eats cereal for breakfast and DH and I don't really eat breakfast.  Well our arguments have gotten really bad lately like today.  He told me he's tired of coming home to a pigsty (again yes cluttered but nothing bad just kids stuff and DH's things he leaves lying where ever he last used it).  He said it's disrespectful to him and the kids that the place isn't spotless at all times.  Today I hadn't gotten to the kitchen because I've been running around taking care of the kids.  Both are sick, of course that doesn't stop DS from running around and playing.  Well what has me upset and wondering if I'm really as bad as he says is that he threatened to leave today and take the kids.  He said he would leave and I would never be allowed in there lives.  This hurts a lot cause I've already lost one child I couldn't stand to lose another and he knows this.  He says I'm taking advantage of him and not helping out.  He's the one who doesn't want me working.  He says since the house isn't spotless and that I don't cook every meal that I'm not contributing at all.  He says I'm lazy and just lay around all day.  Not true!  I take care of and play with the kids and clean what I can when I can.  I have been running on very little sleep lately because of DD and I'm sick today.  Yet he went off cause the kitchen wasn't clean when he got home from the store.  I had loaded most of the dishwasher and had thrown away all trash.  I was feeding DD when he walked in and he immediately started in yelling saying how could I be so lazy not to get the kitchen done before he got back.  I mean what was I suppose to do?  He acts like I should be able to be in two places at once.  I'm at my wits end.  Any time I say I'm trying about anything his response is "You f****** lying a** b****"  How is that a lie?  I just don't know what to do anymore he makes me feel so worthless sometimes and inadequate.  Yet he has his moments like this morning before he went to the store he went to go get him some coffee.  He came back with his coffee but also a cappuccino for me (love those!!!!) and two red roses and a pink one that he had picked for me while he was walking.  I don't want to leave him but this emotional roller coaster is killing me.  What would you do?

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 6:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 29, 2013 at 6:59 PM

I would Not tolerate him talking to me like that. No man has ever talked to me like that because they knew better. Your dh sounds like a little conniving b***h. Tell him if he can't treat you with respect that his sorry butt can leave. Please stand up for yourself and your kids. Don't let him railroad you.

Junebaby18
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this
His expectations are way too high to say that the house has to be spotless at all times. I also wouldn't believe his threats of taking the kids. That ain't gonna happen. He would then be 100% responsible for both of them and I doubt he even knows anything about taking care of them.
MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Oct. 29, 2013 at 7:32 PM

Agree with this.

Quoting goddess99:

I would Not tolerate him talking to me like that. No man has ever talked to me like that because they knew better. Your dh sounds like a little conniving b***h. Tell him if he can't treat you with respect that his sorry butt can leave. Please stand up for yourself and your kids. Don't let him railroad you.


goddess99
by Michelle on Oct. 29, 2013 at 7:35 PM

Then tell him a spotless house isn't going to happen right now unless he's the one doing the cleaning and that harping on you isn't helping.

Quoting Junebaby18:

His expectations are way too high to say that the house has to be spotless at all times. I also wouldn't believe his threats of taking the kids. That ain't gonna happen. He would then be 100% responsible for both of them and I doubt he even knows anything about taking care of them.


harream
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:33 AM

 That sounds like my house ;-)

 We have 3 kids 6 1/2 and younger and its very hard to keep the house spotless. All you can do is do your best with the house.

 He has no right to talk to you like that either. Try and talk to him about it and maybe suggest a house cleaner a couple days a wk for a month or so when the baby is on more of a schedule. I'd also suggest going to see a counselor. Good luck

Mrs.Thomason
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:43 AM


I've talked to him about the way he talks to me and his response is that if I did my job he wouldn't talk to me like that.  He would also never go for a house cleaner he says it's my job and no one elses.  I have also suggested counsiling and his response to that was a very unequivical "Hell No".  He doesn't believe in counselors.  It's also nice to know that it's not just me when it comes to the house.  I think he believes that all houses should look like the ones on tv.

Quoting harream:

 That sounds like my house ;-)

 We have 3 kids 6 1/2 and younger and its very hard to keep the house spotless. All you can do is do your best with the house.

 He has no right to talk to you like that either. Try and talk to him about it and maybe suggest a house cleaner a couple days a wk for a month or so when the baby is on more of a schedule. I'd also suggest going to see a counselor. Good luck



delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:33 PM

 Hope you can work things out...

harream
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:50 PM

 So sorry, I don't think guys realize how much work it is to keep house and take care of kids especially a new born and a toddler. Your house will get better (still waiting for that day here ;-)) Wish I lived by you, I'd come help you.

 Have you thought about freezing some meals so that you always have something on hand? I like doing it with crock pot meals. Pull it out the night before to thaw and put it in about 8 and it's done by 4. (helps limit kitchen mess to)

Quoting Mrs.Thomason:

 

I've talked to him about the way he talks to me and his response is that if I did my job he wouldn't talk to me like that.  He would also never go for a house cleaner he says it's my job and no one elses.  I have also suggested counsiling and his response to that was a very unequivical "Hell No".  He doesn't believe in counselors.  It's also nice to know that it's not just me when it comes to the house.  I think he believes that all houses should look like the ones on tv.

Quoting harream:

 That sounds like my house ;-)

 We have 3 kids 6 1/2 and younger and its very hard to keep the house spotless. All you can do is do your best with the house.

 He has no right to talk to you like that either. Try and talk to him about it and maybe suggest a house cleaner a couple days a wk for a month or so when the baby is on more of a schedule. I'd also suggest going to see a counselor. Good luck

 

 

 

amy585
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 12:58 PM

try flylady.com and if he thinks the house has to be spotles all the time is unreasonable. flylady helped me a lot, seems like it doesnt take any time to clean now :) hope things get better for you

momtodab
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 2:32 PM
I have two 4 yr olds and a 9 months old that still doesn't sleep all nightm thank you breastfeeding lol but I would not tolerate anyone yelling at me in front of my kids. He'd laying on ass in the floor. Marriage is a partnership as in equal. Leave him home all day with the kids and see what happens. He wouldn't make it. My dh works 45-50 hours a week but guess what so do I. We had this disagreement and I left him with kids he didn't last 3 hours. Stay at home mom is a tuff job and it doesn't stop at 5. You two need to talk and compromise on something or try couseling. If he won't do that I'd leave. But that's me. I don't the bad relationship thing and it doednt change if both parties can't work on it. And 5 weeks old that's a small baby! He needs a reality check
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