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Marriage, kids, what about me?

Posted by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 10:54 AM
  • 13 Replies

I have been happily married for 20 yrs, we have 2 children 7 and 17. I am turning 47 next month and am feeling like I have lived to take care of everybody and need more. I am feeling a major lack of balance in my life. I realized this am, yes lots of women are like me we work, we take care of our families etc etc but I think, and correct me if I am wrong, many women have "me" time, a hobby, the gym, friends etc and Most adults, again correct me if I am wrong, take time to do grown up things - like go out to dinner a movie, with friends, little trips etc. My dh really is my best friend and I knew good and well what i was getting into, he has been a great provider and father and friend but is it wrong of me, at this stage in my life, to want to be treated like a "woman". I would love for him to say "Honey we are going to dinner this friday" or anything, just make some plans, take me out, away from this house and all my chores and the kids and the pets etc. Or just once in a while bring me flowers or perfume. he has never been romantic but anyone can try right? When I brought it up he got defensive and was like "You never liked me for who I am" and "We dont have all kinds of money!" but for your dh to show you appreciation, not just by doing the dishes or mowing the lawn, it doesnt have to cost a lot. To go out alone - sans kids - for a glass of wine is not a big expense. And he would do all of these things if I planned it or reminded him etc etc but that's my point, I plan and take care of everything all the time, when is it ever my turn?

by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 10:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 1, 2013 at 11:10 AM

It sounds like if you're waiting for your dh to make the move it's just not going to happen. And I understand you don't want to make all the plans all the time but if that's what you have to do to get out of the house for a night or weekend, then just do it. Plan something fun and tell your dh next weekend we're going away. Sorry dear, but plan something fun anyway.

splatz
by Sarah on Nov. 1, 2013 at 1:57 PM

I think its only normal to want time for your self or adult time with your family.

Pammi86
by Pamela on Nov. 1, 2013 at 3:58 PM

My dh and I have been married for almost 6 years! When we were dating he was always doing things for me! Now he does not! It drives me crazy bc he too uses both those excuses! I will say what I always say and wish my dh would learn! Try to learn something new about eachother every day! Take time for yourself and mostly do not let the romance die! That is where problems come in and I know first hand!

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Nov. 1, 2013 at 4:38 PM
2 moms liked this

Totally agree.

Quoting goddess99:

It sounds like if you're waiting for your dh to make the move it's just not going to happen. And I understand you don't want to make all the plans all the time but if that's what you have to do to get out of the house for a night or weekend, then just do it. Plan something fun and tell your dh next weekend we're going away. Sorry dear, but plan something fun anyway.


CLEKate
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:03 AM

Sounds pretty normal to me.  I go through bouts where I am dis-satisified with what I have.  But then i typically rebound and realize I have it pretty well--even if not "perfect."

fudgybuddymom
by Linda on Nov. 2, 2013 at 9:22 AM

I agree with the first poster. You will have to plan the fun times for just you & your husband without the kids. Maybe after you guys go out a few times even tho you planned it,he might like the idea & start to do that on his own because it was so much fun. And by on his own I mean to plan to take you out without your planning it. Just keep it simple like that glass of wine on a Friday night at a place you both like. Simple is what guys are about!

Janet
by Ruby Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 4:02 PM

I agree. It is just his personality.

Quoting goddess99:

It sounds like if you're waiting for your dh to make the move it's just not going to happen. And I understand you don't want to make all the plans all the time but if that's what you have to do to get out of the house for a night or weekend, then just do it. Plan something fun and tell your dh next weekend we're going away. Sorry dear, but plan something fun anyway.


luvmybug
by Amanda on Nov. 2, 2013 at 5:05 PM
It's totally normal to want to be treated like a woman. But it sounds like your DH isn't really on board. *hugs*
alc4evermom
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:21 PM

 Did he take you out while you were dating?  I know it sounds like a stupid question but I always have to wonder when I hear women say their husbands do these things.  Was he helpful in the past and then it changed? About the gym thing, a lot of them have childcare hours such as a YMCA and I have always taken advantage of that.   Don't let a dude even if he is your husband stand in the way of a good health and fitness program.  If he has a problem with that I wouldn't allow his lack of support to stop me personally.  

CrossStitchMum
by Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:27 PM
My DH is the same, but to be fair even when we 'dated' every date we went on was a double date with his brother and his gf or an outing with his whole family. So now it's just changed to spending every minute with the kids instead. I can count on 1 hand the amount of times we've been out of the house sans kids since we've been married.
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