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Guilt tripping Mothers

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:34 AM
  • 24 Replies

May this be a reminder for me , never to be like this with my daughter :

So about 2 years ago I had my hair dyed like this :

when I had it done, my mom (who's on the very straight and narrow) said "oh ... I'm not really liking this" [jab #1]when she saw my hair ... then again my mom doesn't agree with me ever, when style is concerned ... she often comments on how I look (anything from the fact that I have some weight to lose, to the fact that I like to wear band shirts, that I wear nothing but jeans).  A few months ago I said something about not having time to go to the hair dressers before going on vacation and my mom even commented on "well you already have so many colors in your hair, a 3rd or 4th color is not gonna make a difference"  [jab #2]

So yesterday my parents are hosting a family breakfast ; and somehow "different" hair styles get into the conversation, and so I say "well it's all a matter of opinion, whe I got my hair done like this Mom clearly told me "I don't like it" yet I get so many compliments on my hair by people, surprisingly enough it's mostly by older people" and I left it at that.

Sooo doesn't my mom call me later last night and starts just ripping me a new one, saying she's NEVER say something like this to me, that it would just be so rude and yadidiyada and I made her look bad in front of everyone.  And that I certainly don't do my hair like this to please my parents because if I did want to please them I wouldn't do that blah blah blah ... holy Fking hell !  So to buy my peace I said you're probably right, I'm wrong, ok then ? Buh-bye.

Pfffffffffffffffffffff she has a selective memory - she can be incredibly criticizing of me on the flip side she can be incredibly nice and helpfull but OMG please let this be a lesson to me ; never to be like this with my own daughter. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday and I don't even feel like going now .

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:02 AM
4 moms liked this

You'll have to develop selective hearing to go along with her selective memory =) I like the hair.

splatz
by Sarah on Nov. 4, 2013 at 2:34 PM

Oh geez lol... I'm with Michelle on developing selective hearing! 

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 3:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 yup ... from now on I'll just let it slide off my back like water on plastic and shut up and my distance. 

Wow I wonder how she would react if I called her out on the fact that she said my husband looked like a cave man the first time she saw him because he has long hair and a beard.  (I remember because #1 I thought it was incredibly rude of her and insulting towards me and #2 it was funny because my husband actually has a nick name that has to do with caveman although to this day I have NEVER told my husband about that) 

Quoting splatz:

Oh geez lol... I'm with Michelle on developing selective hearing! 


 

Janet
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 4:58 PM

There are a lot of mothers like that. I'm glad I'm not one. Better your mother than your mother in law though.  Lol. How is your mother in law BTW?

DanaG70
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 9:34 AM

 Do we have the same mother??

I learned a long time ago to just say "OK mom" and move on, no sense in arguing with her.

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:07 AM

 Frankly I am very gratefull for her.  My X-MIL was a total bitch and I put up with that for nearly 15 years.  My MIL is great. She accepted me for who I am, she took the full role of grand-mother with my daughter.  She has been very cool with the fact that I took her baby 700 miles away from her and we only get to see them once or twice a year.  If she has a reason to hate me, this would be it !  She always takes my side, has a great sense of humor and you know what ? she doesn't judge.  She's not perfect ... nobody is but all things considered I'm damn lucky to have her.


Quoting Janet:

There are a lot of mothers like that. I'm glad I'm not one. Better your mother than your mother in law though.  Lol. How is your mother in law BTW?


 

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:09 AM

I've butted heads with my mother SO MANY TIMES over the years, I'm truly frankly fed up with the whole thing.  Just when I thought she was over the shock of my second marriage she brings shit back up.  Then she'll complain that I withdraw from her and don't keep in touch enough ... well shit !  Figure it out woman  


Quoting DanaG70:

 Do we have the same mother??

I learned a long time ago to just say "OK mom" and move on, no sense in arguing with her.


 

DanaG70
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:17 AM

 I hear ya, when I left my ex, my mom told me that I'd never find a man that will take me with 4 kids. Here I am 13 years later with my husband, who loves me and my 4 kids.

It took her nearly 10 years of that to like my current husband. I could go on all day, some of the things my mother has come up with has shocked me to no end, like the time she accused me of being a drug addict... (I'm not, nor I have ever been an addict of anything).

Quoting Jinxed8:

I've butted heads with my mother SO MANY TIMES over the years, I'm truly frankly fed up with the whole thing.  Just when I thought she was over the shock of my second marriage she brings shit back up.  Then she'll complain that I withdraw from her and don't keep in touch enough ... well shit !  Figure it out woman  

 

Quoting DanaG70:

 Do we have the same mother??

I learned a long time ago to just say "OK mom" and move on, no sense in arguing with her.

 

 

 

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 Well lucky for me , my mother doesn't blame me for the fail of my first marriage ... hard to do when he left me for a 20 something after 12 years of marriage.  But she never quite accepted my second one.  It started off as a long distance relationship which my mother did not understand.  We got engaged 9 months into the relationship and got married 6 months later.  My mom thought it was too fast. My mom freaked out because my husband isn't "clean cut" he has long hair, and when I met him didn't have a dime to his name but I didn't care.  I wasn't after money and neither was he.  When you  have to start over at 35 you look for other things ... does he make me happy, can I see myself with him in 20 years, is he a spender ? a cheater? Can I trust him?  Does he have a good heart, a good sense of humor, will he love my daughter like she's his own?.  The fact that he was willing to leave everything behind (family, home, state) to be with me says a ton in my book.  But my mom never got over the fact that he didn't come from money and ivy league education and has long hair.  We met on a music forum (no e-harmony or anything) so my mom thinks that the only reason I got with him is because I was blindly in love and saw nothing else, that my love for the metal genre of music is the only reason we're together. 

The truth is DH helped me be myself again, break the facade I had put up all those years, the fakeness, the front.  My true friends saw it.  Everyone was telling me they had never seen me like this.  To this day people tell me "You glow in your pictures, you look SO happy"  But my mom thinks I've gone wild again because I go to concerts on a regular basis.  I'm sorry I'm not a brown noser like my sister and I don't make an effort to fake my life to please them, I am who I am ; take it or leave it !

Quoting DanaG70:

 I hear ya, when I left my ex, my mom told me that I'd never find a man that will take me with 4 kids. Here I am 13 years later with my husband, who loves me and my 4 kids.

It took her nearly 10 years of that to like my current husband. I could go on all day, some of the things my mother has come up with has shocked me to no end, like the time she accused me of being a drug addict... (I'm not, nor I have ever been an addict of anything).

Quoting Jinxed8:

I've butted heads with my mother SO MANY TIMES over the years, I'm truly frankly fed up with the whole thing.  Just when I thought she was over the shock of my second marriage she brings shit back up.  Then she'll complain that I withdraw from her and don't keep in touch enough ... well shit !  Figure it out woman  

 

Quoting DanaG70:

 Do we have the same mother??

I learned a long time ago to just say "OK mom" and move on, no sense in arguing with her.

 

 

 


 

iamcafemom83
by Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like you made her feel how you felt when she made these unnecessary comments! Guess she can't take hearing what's come out of her own mouth very well.
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