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Feeling like a horrible parent

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 9:00 PM
  • 18 Replies

 my list could go on and on but day by day i am feeling worse and worse as a parent. i have 3 boys (8 1/2, 4, & 10months) i am a SAHM since feb. days are pretty routing with getting both older kids to 2 different schools but i get up and im on constant worry mode: getting the house clean, mopping, organizing,doing laundry, breakfast, lunch, pick up drop off, money, bills, husband, everything i want to tackle & feel aweful at the end of the day if i dont get it done. my 4year old is in his terrible 2's late i think, i spend most of my time yelling & getting him to listen is impossible. sometimes the kids wake up & ask me "mom are you a good parent or a bad parent?" i hate yelling & feeling like im the only parent who's kids act up & act out. its embarrassing someitmes if not most of the time. i feel like im not good enough for them and they deserve so much more than im giving them and that they would be better off with outme. (NO im not wanting to harm myself) just if my husband had them and not me. people look at me disgusted sometimes when my kids aren't listening to me like why can't i get a handle on my kids. i love my kids with everything i have i just think they'd be better off. someone can do so much better than i can at raising them. ive tried not yelling, behavior charts, sticker charts, reward systems & nothing works. for me i have tried walks by myself to destress but its not helping. i have depression which doesnt help & im battling weight loss but i just want to see my kids happy or happy to be around me and listen.

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 9:00 PM
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by Michelle on Nov. 4, 2013 at 9:10 PM
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Are you getting help with your depression? If you haven't seen your doctor, you should. I wouldn't worry about the house work so much, it's not going anywhere, focus on you feeling ok and your kids. Try to enjoy them, who cares if your floor is mopped. Know what I mean?

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:50 PM

the house work can wait concentrate on them more right now and also destressing yourself.  they could be acting out bc u r acting different being so stressed. do you think that they could maybe have adhd or something?

by New Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:30 AM
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I can completly relate with you. No, you are not an horrible parent just overwhelmed. I too am an SAHM but I am on my own completly for weeks at a time w/ 3 small kids. My DH works out of state so he only comes home for 2 weeks every 6 to 10 weeks. I am going through the same thing I worry everyday if I am going to do everything that needs done, kids to 2 different school, bills, housework, therepy for my SN 2 yr old. Guess what it doesn't get all done that would be practically impossible. I wake up and think of 5 things that have to get done for the day (laundry, appts,grocery shopping, bills ect.) I do my best to get those things done but if I don't well the world is not going to fall apart. If the house is not perfect oh well as long as my kids are happy and healthy and I am sane again the world will not end. Also organization is the key if things are not organized than I feel like a mess inside myself and tend to get angry easier and have lots of anxiety. Also if you have depression please seek help or take medication it really does help and does not make you an failure or a bad parent. Lastly take deep breaths and think this too shall pass, and make time for yourself. My 2 younger kids are toddlers and I make a point everyday to make them play by themselves and I excersise for an half hour everyday no matter what that is my time. I find that it makes me feel better releases the tension and in turn I can be a better mom because I feel better inside and capable of handling the day better. Trust me there are days I wish I could run away and never come back but that is when I take a time out for myself and I allow myself to cool down and regroup. Good luck mama :) I hope this helped a little and quit being so hard on yourself there is no perfect moms only on CM lol !!
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:33 AM
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I suggest talking with your doctor about the depression and speaking with a therapist regularly. I went on meds when my oldest was born and it changed my world. I can think through situations more calmly and my breaking point is much greater. Therapy has helped also. Insight into yourself and how you process things is amazing. If your on meds they may need adjusted. No shame in needing to up a dosage during high stress times. I have had several incidents over the past 9 yrs were I had to adjust my dosage. It's fine. Kids can be difficult and all boys are a handful of big energy. When you wake in the morning say a prayer and ask god to help make you the best parent you can be that day. Ask him to guide you and provide you strength, patience and favor. Tell yourself that you will approach the day with a happy heart and a calm mind. Hope the older 2 are helping with the cleaning and I fully understand the 4 yr old not listening. Place firm rules and consequences, don't be lax. Good luck
by Sarah on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:43 AM
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I could have just wrote 90% of what you did in your post. Being a mom is HARD WORK. I don't care what anyone says.

You need to take a step back & breathe. Make a list with a few tasks a day & if you get them all done... great! If not there is always tomorrow. The house will always be there (most likely you are the only person who notices its not perfect anyways!). The kids will not be little for long. Try to enjoy it while it lasts. I've found slacking on the house just honestly makes me a happier person/parent. Its going to be messy again in 2 minutes. 

Order in dinner, have a movie night in your pjs, & just pretend the housework isn't there. I promise you will feel 10 times better! 

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:10 AM

I understand how you feel and it can be frustrating.  There are some things you can do to make it a little easier on yourself.  Like others have said, tone down on the housework, also don't worry about loosing weight so much.  Focus on your family and you will be happier.  As far as your 4 yr old, I understand.  My oldest (5) has been saying she doesn't like me or even that she hates me lately.  However, even though it does hurt when she says that, I KNOW that she loves me.  I have been using how they describe tinkerbell in the live action Peter Pan... she's so small that she only has room for one emotion at a time.  The difference between kids and adults is just that, their lives are so simple, and ours so complicated.  One thing you can do is to catch yourself in the moment (I know it's hard)  take a deep breath and try a different approach.  Make a list of things you want to get done THAT day, and if you don't get them all done, it's OK!  Look more at what you DO instead of what you DON'T!  Also realize that you are their mom for a reason, you understand them and love them more than anyone else.  People look at parents with kids that don't behave... that's just how it is... let em look!  As long as you're not abusing them, they can't do anything and it's none of their business.  I would suggest going to a doctor, get something to take the edge off a little so you can clear your mind and realize what you need to do for your family. Hang in there, it's temporary, but your love for them is not :D

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:49 AM
I dont think i would consider you a bad parent, and no, youre not alone. My 9 yr old seems like she is still in her terrible two's. All my children (well my first 3, my youngest is 5 months & oldest 9) i have 4. When my older 3 dont get what they want they will yell, and they usually stop when they know im not paying attention to their outbursts then they calm down. But lately i have been yelling myself and giving them attention to their outbursts. Then thats no good for noone so im there with ya. And dont let others fool you with their children. All children go through temper tantrums, at all ages. And your not the only parent that yelled at their children. Let me know if you need another mom to talk to.
by Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Sounds like you need a weekend away from the kids to regroup and feel better. Let dad stay with the kids and go visit family or friends. We all need a break. Get the help you need with the depression from a dr.

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 1:37 PM

Hello Mama,

I don't think you are a horrible parent at all. Us, MOMS have an incredible task when it comes to our kids, husband, house chores and so on .... I would suggest you definitely pay attention to the depression and the weight loss situation. I know if the pounds dissapear you start feeling better about yourself and then attitude can change little by little. If you are open to a suggestion to the weight loss, I can definitely help. Please private message me. The house will always be there as other ladies have said. Things don;t have to be perfect. Just be your best, which I think you are. Lists can help .... just take one step at the time. Read positive books. I hope this helps. Stay strong Momma! 

by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 2:13 PM

we all go thorugh similar feelings ... I am a working mom, full time and I have one daughter who's 9 and dyslexic and has quite the temper.  I have the same problems as you, she doesn't always listen and I"m fed up of always being the bad guy.  I have full custody ; my ex-husband only has her 1 weekend out of 2.  With DH she is the super fun child because he's the super fun parent.  With her bio-dad I'm not sure how things go but he surely over compensates for the fact that he never sees her so it leaves me always being the militant bitch of a mother who pushes for homework and keeps the schedule on time, forces homework and chores.  It sucks.  I feel like a bad parent too most of the time as I'm getting older I'm running out of patience too. 

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