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Can you tell me the truth WITHOUT bashing?....

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:18 AM
  • 36 Replies

So we moved here about 2 years ago, we did so because our oldest daughter is autistic, and the school she was going to was AWEFUL for her, they just ruined every inch of the little progress we had made in the year she was there. She had FINALLY managed to learn to go potty, she was FINALLY starting to say 1-2 words at a time and she was making eye contact, not haveing to keep everything the same way as often and had stopped screming so much. ALL that was Gone by the end of the year she had almost totally regressed. was back in training pants at night, screaming, ocd, etc. so we decided, against better judgment and advice and common reason, after seraching tirlessly, and without success of finding another nearby school with a GOOD program for her to move across the state, where his sister lived and had found a school. We knew when we went that he would have to find a job - he was leaving a high paid and high postion job for Nothing- find a home and start ALL OVER. But for Emi, we would give the shirts on our backs and cross the world if need be. But as time went on, it proved harder than we expected, the school has been Awesome for her! and he found a job but it was a quarter of what he had before, and it was aweful on him, the eviroment was terrible the clients, aweful to him and NO raises or promotions were offered in that job. 

OK I know this is loooong, bare with me, K? I am getting there. lol

Times were REALLY hard. we could barely keep the roof over our heads and food on the table. We Never asked for help except during Christmas one year to get our girls a few gifts. Then we had dd2, unplanned but Not unwanted. Getting a little tighter. But ok, I nursed her for the first 9 months, breast is best on baby and pockets and all that, ya know. So no prob. Well everyone I knew said 'well, your are nursing so you dont have to worry about BC. Right? WRONG! lol. I could not take bc because it alway messed me up, but I figured, nursing, i did not have to worry. 1 Week After she weaned herself, I found out I was SEVERAL weeks preggo! What!? Whew! ok, well we still managed to streeetch it. 

But the job he had was causeing him so much stress he started having chest pains, gained 15 lbs, became depressed, it was time to get out. So finally he started looking else where and a friend, -a Lady, eh hem! =/ lol- gives him a number and tells him they are hiring. A company in the field for which he actually went to school, building computer! Great wrok, but... even thought te new company seems great, he is starting at the bottom, a pay cut. At least there are raises and promotions, but for now we are in over our heads. and then Last night. The car BROKE!!! $300 for a new part when we don't even know where we are going to get money for food and rent this month! So car part OR food/rent? Also that means we can not get to the appointment we had for today to sign up for the christmas program for our children. That means No gifts, No dinner for Christmas this year, because we can't afford gifts or a special dinner this year.

And also, Now 2 years later, we have still not managed to get our house, the credit he worked so hard on to boost so we could buy a house was shot when we fell further and further behind.  And of course we don't have the money for a down payment anyhow. But If the house was the least of our worries it would be ok.

So anyway my question is this? Am I wrong to reach out and ask for help from our community? I am SO ashamed to have to do so, but I have No family here, my only and best friend is strugging herself, she tries to support us emtionally but she lives so far away. My only sister is deployed in the navy but can't help financially either. My brother is so far into his drugs and drinking and gangs, I have not spoken with him in years. And I was 'orphaned' 3 years ago when my dad passed. His mom helped us out Alot but now she has alztimers and has to be cared for, so no help there. I don't know what else to do.

I have gotten gov help as far as food/medicaid, but with the ecconomy getting worse they have cut our food allowance down to almost nothing. 

So, is it OK to ask for help? Or would that be pathetic? I don't know what else to do. This is what I was planning to put in my Ad on CL:


 Help for a family in need 

I am asking for help with food for our family. There are 2 young children and a baby, and 2 adults. Please understand I am not one to ask for help, this is a first for me on this, and out of desperation and a last resort. Husband had to leave his job, and got another job with a decreased income. We were already having an almost impossible time keeping both food on the table and a roof over our heads and the electric on, many months we had to do with out some necessities, food, soap, diapers, etc so that we could pay for elec, rent and basic food for the kids. Now we are not sure how we will make it stretch. At the same time the help we were getting with food, that we were relying on to get us through was extremely decreased. With Thanksgiving coming up, and our daughter's birthday too this month, it should have been, as it was every other year, a month to look forward too, but I am afraid it will just be Too tight. We looked to the Lehigh community services for help but they needed us to come in for a 'consultation appointment' in order to help us, but they wanted to put it on a day when hubby is working which would mean a day of lost work for him because we only have one car and since I can not drive, and would not consider moving it, to another day. The food pantry's were the same thing. I have managed to go to the food pantrys occasionally when hubby is off or I can find a ride, but I cannot rely on that. I am not asking for money, and I would not expect it, I am just asking for help getting food for the month. Maybe the necessary toiletries, if possible. Whatever help you can offer or help with would be appreciated. Thank you and Blessings

by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bcauseimthemom
by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:25 AM

If you are posting on CL, expect rude responses. It may get deleted. Don't pour out a sob story... even if they are true, people tend to think you are lying.  Call 211 and see if there are any other options other than the place you were going to go to.  Call your DHS worker and talk to them. Contact your child's school and let them know what is going on. There are groups here that offer help if they can.  What state are you in??

Tiggeroo
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:32 AM
3 moms liked this

I agree with pp about rudeness, it's sometimes like a plague on CM! With that said, you shouldn't feel ashamed to ask for help, unless you happen to be a free loader, which I don't think you are. How is your daughter doing in school btw?

There are plenty of programs that can help. Have you tried local churches or food banks in your area? Thrift stores are great for clothing issues if you have them, gifts too for that matter! Children rarely care what gift they get. If they've never seen it before it's new to them! I hope things get better for you!

goddess99
by Michelle on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:38 AM

Go to churches and ask for help. Talk to the social worker at your dd's school, she/he may be able to help or at least give you places to try. Good luck.

Saphira1207
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Ummmm an ad on Craigslist will get you more scams and jerks than real help.  Go to the local churches, food banks, and social services office.  Usually they (church and food bank) can help you somehow with food.  Social services almost always has a way to help people with car problems.  I know in my old town (I moved recently)  the DSS office would help with fixing your car if it didn't cost too much or get you vouchers for cabs.  There's likely to be other programs you qualify for as well, given how much more difficult your situation has become.

If your oldest is that bad she may qualify for disability payments.  That would give you some income.

Also, start looking into getting a job yourself.  I know it's hard to find one, but maybe offer to babysit in your home.  You wouldn't have to worry about the cost of daycare yourself and you'd have more income.  There are also vouchers for baby sitting that you can get from the childcare unit at DSS if you get a job that doesn't let you stay at home and whose payscale won't cover the cost of it and allow you to pay bills.

And lastly,  find a way to make birth control work.  You would be fine if you stopped having more kids.  Having one with disablities is expensive enough, adding 2 more is going to break you financially.

shaiorta
by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I do expect rudenes, unfortunatly. but I can deal with that if just 1 person who is not rude decides to help. I di try to keep it short, that is EXACTLY why I did not want to post there, because of those other posts, lol The sad thing is, I alled dcs, 211 and salvation army.  They all said there is no help for me because we are not homeless or gave us the run around, 'well here is a number for you maybe they can help' kinda thing. I talked to a counseler at the school who saw to it that Emil gets free lunches, and snacks. and the school gave her a sweater for the cooler whether. The church we go to gave us a $50 walmart card, but I can't ask them for more. They help a lot of people and try to be there for us emotionally. We live in Florida, Fort myers. 

Quoting bcauseimthemom:

If you are posting on CL, expect rude responses. It may get deleted. Don't pour out a sob story... even if they are true, people tend to think you are lying.  Call 211 and see if there are any other options other than the place you were going to go to.  Call your DHS worker and talk to them. Contact your child's school and let them know what is going on. There are groups here that offer help if they can.  What state are you in??


Shai-Happy mom to Emi Angie and Baby 'Bells

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I agree with all the ladies above.

shaiorta
by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I went to dcf. they said 'your not homeless the econmy is too bad, sorry nothing else we can do.' seriously, no joke, that is what they said! Same for the SA, and now without the car I can't get to the pantry's, much less try to get a job. Hubby was lucky to have a neighbor offer him a ride to work or he would have lost his new job. I Did post an ad for babysitting though. nothing yet. But soon maybe. They Will NOT help witht he car and 'there is no money in the fund for childcare' unless we are a lot more poor. ???, and we don't have cabs OR Buses in this area. So you see, Florida stinks in terms of 'Help'! Really skunk smell stinks!! lol

Birth control has come in the form of abstaining lately! lol we just have not had that passion with everything going on. After losing our last baby though, He does not like the idea of us getting 'fixed' lol

Quoting Saphira1207:

Ummmm an ad on Craigslist will get you more scams and jerks than real help.  Go to the local churches, food banks, and social services office.  Usually they (church and food bank) can help you somehow with food.  Social services almost always has a way to help people with car problems.  I know in my old town (I moved recently)  the DSS office would help with fixing your car if it didn't cost too much or get you vouchers for cabs.  There's likely to be other programs you qualify for as well, given how much more difficult your situation has become.

If your oldest is that bad she may qualify for disability payments.  That would give you some income.

Also, start looking into getting a job yourself.  I know it's hard to find one, but maybe offer to babysit in your home.  You wouldn't have to worry about the cost of daycare yourself and you'd have more income.  There are also vouchers for baby sitting that you can get from the childcare unit at DSS if you get a job that doesn't let you stay at home and whose payscale won't cover the cost of it and allow you to pay bills.

And lastly,  find a way to make birth control work.  You would be fine if you stopped having more kids.  Having one with disablities is expensive enough, adding 2 more is going to break you financially.


Shai-Happy mom to Emi Angie and Baby 'Bells

splatz
by Sarah on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:19 AM

CL probably isn't the best place to get help. Have you looked into churches in your area? I would just start calling places. Explain the WHOLE situation. That your car is currently broke down so you have no transportation. There has to be help out there somewhere! 

hotmessbaby
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:19 AM
CL makes me nervous, there are way too many crazies on there. Be very selective about who you let "help" you. I really wouldn't have mentioned my kids or anything about their ages on there, but then I'm paranoid. I wish you nothing but greatness. Times are hard on so many right now. Stay strong and don't lose faith.
Lizzys_mommy13
by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Put the add out. The worst that could happen is someone see it and not help you. If you need the help, ask. There are good people out there that may lend a hand. 
If you get any rude responses to the ad, just shrug them off. There are people out there that can't understand how it feels to need so badly that you have to ask strangers for their help. Hang in there hun. 

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