Bacon Deodorant & Other Stinky Beauty Product Ideas to Avoid
by Rebecca Stokes 17 hours ago
That's it. I'm calling an immediate ban on the bacon trend. It was fine when they put bacon in my ice cream, I sighed through the idea that I'd have to have bacon in my smoothies, but when you put bacon in my beauty products -- you have gone too far. Seriously, how we haven't had a pig endangerment problem yet, I don't know.
The latest addition to this insane trend -- bacon-scented deodorant. Yeah, you heard me. Why smell like your own sweat when you can smell like your own sweat ... and also bacon? So basically this is what I smell like whenever I go to brunch hungover. That's what I'm hearing. This is almost too nasty for words.
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Good thing I love words too much to much to stop there. In a weird way, this isn't that different than teenage girls insisting on smelling like cupcakes all the time. We've linked foods we love to happiness, and rightly so. But here's where the logic gets skewed. We try bringing those foods into our beauty regimes. We think if our smell makes people happy, they'll sleep with us -- which is true, but only up to a point.
Smelling like vanilla and sugar is fine, I'll let that pass because those aromas complement the human person. But bacon? You guys. We might as well be smearing our bodies with flank steak. Here are 5 other things we should keep away from our bodies.
1.) Onion Body Wash
Nothing says shower fresh like a smell often confused for the stank of a pubescent boy.
2.) Hamburger Foot Powder
The only thing that should ever smell like a burger is a burger. If your foot smells like a burger, go to a doctor. If you WANT your foot to smell like a burger, see a mental health professional.
3.) Grilled Cheese Perfume
You know what? I take it back. This could be awesome.
4.) Beef Stew Lip Gloss
I'm sorry I think I just threw up in my own mouth. Then I licked my beefy lip gloss and it happened again. This is arguably the devil's own vicious circle.
5.) Salmon Lotion
At least salmon's mild. I might give it a pass. Halibut lotion? Then we're having a conversation ... once every cat in the world has stopped licking you.
Would you ever try something like bacon deodorant?