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Posted by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:46 AM
  • 23 Replies
So I have been living with my in laws for 9 months now. But they control everything I do to what I say to how I can discipline me and my husband kids it is getting on my last nerve, especially when my teenage sister in laws start telling us we are abusing ourchild, now we are no where close to doing that we love our kids and would never come to the thought of it. I really needed to vent because im so tried of this and moving out has been on my mind for a long time. But we cant seem to find any thing and it fustrating. Has anyone gone thru something similar? /'
by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 2:46 AM
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by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 5:50 AM
Sort of.

Except the controlling part.

The thing they did that pissed me off, and still does, is when I would tell my oldest daughter no to something and they would undermine me bying letting her do or have whatever she wanted anyway.

There were a few other things but I really don't feel like typing it all up.

Anyway, it's hard. But try to keep in mind that they are giving you a place to live and try to ignore things they say to the best of your ability. However, respectfully stand up for yourself, don't let them view you as a doormat, and talk to your husband about your feelings. Just be sure to tell him that you love his family and are super appreciative, but your feeling uncomfortable for those reasons. He should stand up for you both as well.
by Michelle on Nov. 20, 2013 at 8:27 AM

I hope you find a new place soon!

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:38 PM

 We lived with my husbands parents for 1.5 years! I wish we were still living their, they are the best.... :)

simple smile

by Jennifer on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:43 PM
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I hope you can find your own place soon.

by Member on Nov. 20, 2013 at 12:44 PM
I couldn't do it, not for one day. Good luck to you :0)
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by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 8:36 PM

we lived with my mom n law and Ioved everybit of it. She was a big help

by Sarah on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:47 PM

I lived with my ex-in-laws but only for a few months while I was pregnant with my oldest. Not a fun experience. 

by Sarah on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:48 PM

Hope you guys are able to get your own place soon though! :)

by on Nov. 20, 2013 at 11:50 PM
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Yes, I lived with my In-Laws. Biggest mistake ever. Everyday was a nervous breakdown for me. When we moved out we became very close. They are great people, but living together was a nightmare. 

by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 1:38 AM

That sounds tough!!! Yes, I have been there. Grandparents feel it a right to undermine and relatives always have opinions. It is the law of the land. 

I found that grandparents that babysat were especially quick to butt-in on off time. Less babysitting, less right to give input. 

In the meantime, hopefully you have physical boundaries to get away from them. 

Then make a list of all the great things about them and be sure to vocalize how great they are.  It could be just that they have strong views, did a good job parenting their own kids, or were supportive of you in some way.  Let them know you are one of them by seeing their value.

After buttering them up, eloquently start asserting boundaries.  Basically you, the parents, must be able to provide the final word.  Yes, you live with them out of the kindness of their heart, but help them to see that they are hurting the family dynamic, which is in a stressed enough by whatever feelings you have about not having your own place.  

Also keep in mind that those crazy relatives who freak out and say that you are abusive are just as freaky in all other aspects of their own life.  They will live their own misery.  So as much as they hurt you, they are hurting.  Perhaps they pretend to be happy in their own justifications, but when one person shares such negativity, they suffer the burden of being the messenger. (Messengers are usually offed, in Shakespearean plays.)  Tell them it is ok to have a different opinion and that we all do the best we can. Oh the pain of being a teenager - always making asses of themselves!  

You sound like you already have an immense capability for handling stress.  By my standards you haven't even begun to vent! So cheers to 9 months!! Hang in there, there will be an end to this madness! ;) And can't you just wait to see what horrible mistakes those rotten teenagers make in their life times! hahaha Oh but I'm wicked. 

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