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How to get the family to help more?

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:58 PM
  • 12 Replies

I love my family, I really do. They are all great in their own and many wonderful ways. So how do I get them to help out around the house MORE without constantly nagging. complaining, and demanding? I have done all kinds of chore charts with rewards etc, I have made my husband Honey Do lists (that sit around so long they collect dust, even when they are taped to the fridge!!)

Sometimes I just think it's not even worth it and it's easier just to do it all - laundry, cleaning, meal planning, grocery shopping, bills, organizing, decorating, pet care, emails, scheduling etc etc etc myself. But then I get resentful and know that no matter what, with 2 capapble kids 7 and 17 and a husband I shouldnt be doing 95% of everything myself!

Most if the time they will do anything I ask, if I ask, and sometimes 5 times! Or they help when they feel like it and have a million excuses when I ask for help.

I do work, part time, but am in and out of the house all day. My husband works 6 days a week and of course the kids are in school. Also my dear family members each have certain mental health issues (all 3 have OCD) and 2 are on medication which I know for a fact affects drive or lack there of.

I wish I could just be so happy to be the doting mom, dutiful wife, and just be happy for help when I get it but not get so mad, resentful, and self pitying when I dont. And stop trying so hard to make everyone willingly behave like good little minions all the time!

What percent (Honestly ladies) do you do around the house and in general for your household and family?

How do you get them to help? What works?

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:58 PM
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by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 3:40 PM
1 mom liked this

80%....go on strike!lol

by Michelle on Nov. 23, 2013 at 4:41 PM

85-90% of Indoor housework. 0% of Outdoor work. I'm a sahm so I guess that comes with the territory. My dd will do chores for cash and my dh does most outdoor work, dd does the rest (cleaning dog area). My dh will also do dishes Only because I have a skin condition and doing dishes hurts. If I don't feel well my dh completely takes over and does whatever is needed. I too have honey do lists that have been in place for about 3 years, things still not done lol. Idk how to get them to help more, sorry =( But you're not alone!

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 4:51 PM

85-90% but when I ask my boys to do stuff they usually do.  They are 17/19 one in high school and one in college (local) both have part time jobs.  My DH is compeltely disabled cannot lift a finger, or leg, or arm (literally) so on top of the house work I also have to dress, shower and feed him.  My boys are pretty helpful and will do anything I ask but I'm home most of the time while dh is working in his office at home (he can still do a bit of computer work so he's still employed) so I can keep up with the house usually.  But I also cater part time so this weekend I'm working and trying to keep the house in some kind of order.  My oldest did clean the ktichen yesterday oh and a HUGE win for me is my boys do their own laundry 100% of the time.  So it doesn't seem too over whelming MOST of the time....

by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Go on strike. Seriously!

Now I don't do that myself. I did however have many times when I flew off the handle & yelled at my kids for not helping me out around the house. I even cried to their dad about the lack of help I get from them (we are divorced & the kids are all old enough to help). 

Now I have a dry erase board next to the fridge (they can see it as they walk in the house after school). It gives specifics "R- clean bedroom L- clean rec room B- do dishes" plus they all have one specific daily chore to be done. They all get home at the same time, they have a snack, do chores, & then do homework. It is rare that I have to come home from work & remind them to do something.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 9:12 PM


Don't feel guilty that you don't take joy in the daily grind.

Those who do are weird.

I think it is worth noting my kids are 6, 4, and 1. For frame of reference.

- I don't do DH's laundry (as stipulated while dating, haha. This means when I take his dress shirts out of the dryer and hang them before they wrinkle he's like head over heels happy and feels like he owes me something. It is great.)
- My girls (6 and 4) make their beds, unload the DW, clean up all toys, and do their own nighttime bath routine and morning get dressed routine. Those are their "jobs" right now. They don't get allowance yet.

Have a family meeting.

Lay it out. If your kids are old enough to pitch in, force them to. Dont nag. Don't remind. Don't ask twice. Just have a family meeting (preferably at a time when it inconveniences them), explain how the family functions as a UNIT and everyone has a role, and then, like others said, if they don't help out, go on strike.

As in, stop stocking the fridge and see what happens. Stop making dinner for everyone and see what happens. Just stop. But make it obvious and make it inconvenient/uncomfortable for them for a while.

It helps that my husband is totally on board with the idea that being a stay at home mom is just as much work (more) as working all day. He gives me the entire weekend off. But we've come to that arrangement through communication. His support is everything when it comes to getting my kids to pitch in.

For me, it works that there is a healthy balance of guilt-tripping them, but also showing them that their help is actually valuable and necessary.

But a big part of it is that I don't have that "servant's heart" naturally. I tend to demand help and I tend to demand that my family worships me in the form of gratitude. And I really wish I could give this to every stay at home mom I know, because it is wonderful, and I dont' hate my life. :)

Claire Wait

My blog:

by Jennifer on Nov. 24, 2013 at 10:33 AM

It's just hubby and I and the dog here so I do 99% of the work, he occasioanlly will give the dog a bath and take the trash to the curb. He does mow the lawn in the summer but we take turns.

by Member on Nov. 24, 2013 at 10:41 AM
Instead of reward charts, start taking privileges away. The 17 yr old wants to go to the mall but didn't clean the bathroom? She doesn't go.
The 7 yr old wants to rent that movie but didn't put her clothes away? No movie.
Your husband has stuff you've asked him to do....this one is tricky....I would probably sit down with him and plead for him to pitch in. Make him understand that you are not a a nice way as possible lol

I am a sahm with a 6 and 3 yr old. I do the majority. My kods are to make yheir beds, keep thwir rooms clean. The 6 yr old has stuff she does each morning before school plus fokding and putting away her clothes (I dont expect perfection....just have it done)
The 3 yr old mostly does pick up stuff and wiping down when I clean. If they don't pitch in, we don't get donuta on friday or we skip that bday party we were invited to.
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 4:12 PM

Kids don't do a thing no matter how much I am on them about picking up things. Luckily my husband helps me without me asking him to especially when my work hours go crazy.

by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 12:54 AM

Something I would need to work on myself.....I'm not the best around the house either...

by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 3:03 AM

i am ocd. just a little. so.......... i make lists. constantly. i have every day lists. weekly lists, and monthly lists. and before my kids OR my hubby get to do ANYTHING? they can do the 3 or 4 things on my list, while i'm doing the other 20 or 19 ..........

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