So.. dh and I have been together for a little more than 3 years. When he and I started dating I was living with my parents with my two dds. They are now 6 and 9. They took to dh very quickly, and he fell in love with them as well. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. My oldest dd came home from her dads (they have different dads, long story) and mentioned that she wanted to live there. She only goes over there every other weekend, and just recently hasnt been left at a sitter on his weekend. He has a gf, she doesnt live with him and he doesnt have any other kids. My dd gets to do pretty much what she wants. There arent really any rules, he doesnt think kids need structure. I think she wants to live there because its always a good time when shes there. She is the only kid, and she isnt "competing" for attention. Her dads gf is awesome, and dd apparently wants to call her mom.. (im not sure where that came from, but she does call dh dad)
so.. the question i have is do you think that a 9 year old really knows what she wants, and where she wants to live? Am I a terrible mom for letting her move in with her dad and his gf full time? I dont want to keep her at my house if shes unhappy, but im worried that she thinks the grass is greener, and I dont want her upset if its not all gumdrops and sprinkles when she is there all the time.
Im also worried (i know its lame) about what my family will think of me for letting her live with her dad. He is fully capable of raising a child, he doesnt parent the way I do, but he isnt putting her in harms way either. She has obviously lived with me her whole life (her dad and i split when she was just 13 months old).
What would you do??
I have read so many great points! I appreciate all of the feedback, this has been my most successful post yet!!
I have read lots of moms saying that dd wants to be able to do whatever she wants, and i sort of think that too, but i also know she isnt a bad kid. She doesnt have the same strictness, as in an early bedtime, or any type of routine when she is with her dad, but then again, he only gets her every other weekend. I dont know how fair it is to assume he wouldnt change that.
He has already mentioned that he wouldnt tell her she cant live with him, but that he would change her schools. His gf works in the school district that he would move her to, and he would do that so she could take dd to school.
Ive also read that moms would be afraid of this backfiring and id lose custody of her. Id like to mention that dd's father and I have been good friends since before we started dating.. that was back in 2001. I doubt things would go badly, but I plan on taking the precautions to prevent it.
Again, thank you to all the moms who have been very helpful. I will be talking to dh about this situation more in detail, and bringing up the points I have been told.