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need counseling but husband refused to go...what should I do?

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 10:54 AM
  • 6 Replies
My husband and I have not even been together 2 years yet and we actually met jan 21st 2012. however we have sooo many problems and I am so unhappy and just want to leave but want to stay for our childrens sake. 5 yr old SD and 7 month old DD. a few months back he cheated on me via internet and I have been working hard to recover and gain trust. but he is fighting me tooth and nail if I ask anthing og him.He has told me multipule times he has no respect fot me then will take it back when he is not angry anymore, he refuses to see my family or visit them for christmas or thanksgiving because he doent like them (he is also not in contact w/ his family either because he doesnt like them) I am a big family person and actually moved states to be close to them. last night he yelled at me and called me a Fu@k!ng bitch when we were sitting on the couch w/ both girls. reason being.....he got an old computerfixed that he had from before us and I asked if i could get on it to make sure he didnt have any naughty pics that he forgot about. I said if he let me it would help me trust him. but he fought me on it:( when i got home from work he was in the other room and our DD said that daddy gave her a new computer. I said oh wonderful, I hope it works. she replied it does daddy turned it on and was clicking around on stuff. so when He came out i didnt freak out I simple said. does the computer work ok? and he snapped and said 'how the hell would I know; I havent even turned it on' I just got quiet and shot him a dirty look cause he lied strait to my face...again:( then he asked what my prob was and was relentless so i said 'bel told me you already got on the computer so you just lied to me' that is when he yelled at me! everything i would ask why he yelled at me after wards he would just say 'well, you shouldn have made me mad' no apology at all:( I am one of those super sweet people, soft spoken and I dont really cuss. I have only been called a bitch 1 time (other than the several times by him) and that was by my mom when I was a teen. I have always demanded respect and he has none for me. His oldest daughter seems to be the only ont that matters sometimes. Yes, most of the time he is affectionate and giving and he tells me he loves me liike geez 30 times a day. I am just so sad and It feels good to vent. I dont want out girls to grow up around that kind of behavior. I told him I needed counseling or I didnt know if I could do it anymore and he told me to go by myself cause he was not willing to give up any of his time with his daughter.:/ he doesnt realize how much he is hurting his family with his actions ( he cusses all the time and yells at me in front of the girls) oh, also...when I found out he cheated I hit him....not my finest moment but well deserved I think since he cheated multiple timxes....he now says if i ever slap him or anything again he will strike me:( I dont know what to do....should I leave and tay w/ my parents go give him a dose of what he will be missing? or find a way to get counseling??? he is a good man but he just has anger problems and others I guess....I dont want to have my daughter spend time w/ him w/o me cause I dont like the way he parents so divorce is like so something I dont want. sorry, I am just so confused right now.
by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 10:54 AM
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Replies (1-6):
johnny4ever
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Today at 5:59 AM
by Mrs. Depp on Jan. 1, 2014 at 11:30 AM

Move out ASAP!Protect your kids!

goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 1, 2014 at 11:43 AM

I'm sorry hun. He's not a good man though. If he wanted to change and got the help to do that then maybe he could become a good man. I'm a believer in marriage and that things can get better with work. Go to counseling by yourself for a bit and see how that is. Maybe if he sees you put fourth the effort, he'll follow suit later. Good luck!

Janet
by Ruby Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 2:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I think this is a good idea. Find a trusted counseler and go. They can also help you cope with him.

Quoting goddess99:

I'm sorry hun. He's not a good man though. If he wanted to change and got the help to do that then maybe he could become a good man. I'm a believer in marriage and that things can get better with work. Go to counseling by yourself for a bit and see how that is. Maybe if he sees you put fourth the effort, he'll follow suit later. Good luck!


MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Jan. 1, 2014 at 4:49 PM

Go to counseling by your self and hopefully he will see that it's helping and he will want to join you.

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 4:55 PM

I feel like you sort of need to force his hand.

Separate.

Make him go to counseling, re-evaluate, make a decision to move back in when the relationship starts moving in a direction you can live with.

I too am a firm believer that you should fight for your marriage, but I've never seen it work when only half the marriage is fighting. 

I think you need to force him to choose you. If you do that though, you also need to be ready in case he doesn't. Hugs to you, and bravo for reaching out and wanting to make it work.

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

Pammi86
by Pamela on Jan. 2, 2014 at 8:26 AM
If he's not willing to work on this or change then I think you need to leave.
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