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How would you handle this? >.

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 4:15 PM
  • 20 Replies

So I am currently seeing a man who I absolutely love and he adores me. I am 21 weeks pregnant and we have been together since I was 4 weeks pregnant. He adores our son also.  My sons bilogical father has not been there once. He is aware I'm pregnant and we do communicate civilly most of the time. Recently though he's been being a complete add about my SO. He keeps saying things like "well if SO is there I guess he's his father since thats what you want" or "I'm not going to be around if SO is there" "I'm not going to the ultrasound if SO is there" and the best is "I'm not even sure he's mine I think your lying". The last one hurts. I don't sleep around and I am a 100% he's the father. When I try to make things right or make things ok he gets mad and irritated saying things like "I don't have time" "I'm working" "I'm tired". I feel like these are all excuses and he just doesn't want responsibility. When I brought up him signing over rights he threw up his hands in defense and got REALLY mad saying how I just wanted him to sign over rights so SO could adopt him etc. etc. Yes that is why but i have NEVER once told him this. I'm so sick of being caught in the middle. I'm not putting the bio fathers name on my sons birth certificate and my son will have my last name. My SO is getting fed up with him also. He has never contacted my SO. However my SO has seen me cry over this man calling me a worthless excuse for a mother (which the bio does often). The bio has 3 other sons and is living with one of the mothers of 2 of his sons and claims theres nothing going on. I'm so sick of this. He's mad because I'm in a happy HEALTHY relationship. How do I get out of this sick cycle...I feel like this is abuse emotionally. I can't take him saying the things he does, making me look like a liar and making me feel like a bad mother. How would you handle all of this?

by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 4:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 2, 2014 at 4:26 PM

Just stay with your SO and have limited contact with your ex. If he wants to know how the baby is doing he can call. It's really his call, I think. He is either going to at least pay child support and see his son on weekends (or whatever) or he's just going to say screw it and sign over his rights. You don't need to include his name on the birth certificate either way, Give your son your last name.

LadyBug190
by Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 4:33 PM

I intend on him having my last name. As for him seeing Nickiey I will fight before till I'm blue in the face befor he gets to take MY son off without me. My SO has already made it clear also that we will fight for our son. Thanks so much for your input <3its a boy

Quoting goddess99:

Just stay with your SO and have limited contact with your ex. If he wants to know how the baby is doing he can call. It's really his call, I think. He is either going to at least pay child support and see his son on weekends (or whatever) or he's just going to say screw it and sign over his rights. You don't need to include his name on the birth certificate either way, Give your son your last name.


oscarsmom70
by on Jan. 2, 2014 at 4:46 PM

This sounds like a challenging situation for everyone, LadyBug190.

I don't have any great, personal advice for you, but I wanted to atleast let you know I'm sending you lots of hugs and encouragement!!

Hang in there.

LadyBug190
by Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you so much <3 it is challenging but I'm glad my SO is still here through it all <3 Sending hugs back <3 

Quoting oscarsmom70:

This sounds like a challenging situation for everyone, LadyBug190.

I don't have any great, personal advice for you, but I wanted to atleast let you know I'm sending you lots of hugs and encouragement!!

Hang in there.


MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Jan. 2, 2014 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

What she said.

Quoting goddess99:

Just stay with your SO and have limited contact with your ex. If he wants to know how the baby is doing he can call. It's really his call, I think. He is either going to at least pay child support and see his son on weekends (or whatever) or he's just going to say screw it and sign over his rights. You don't need to include his name on the birth certificate either way, Give your son your last name.


johnny4ever
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by Mrs. Depp on Jan. 2, 2014 at 5:35 PM

What a toughie.How nice you have a support boyfriend.

LadyBug190
by Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 5:58 PM

Its nice to have his support <3 He's wonderful <3

Quoting johnny4ever:

What a toughie.How nice you have a support boyfriend.


splatz
by Sarah on Jan. 2, 2014 at 10:23 PM

I think you need to give him a chance to be there. Even if hes a jerk. The courts will be in your favor if you are actually trying to keep him involved. Let him choose to not be there, but at least give him a chance. 

amberNewman0213
by Member on Jan. 2, 2014 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this
If u having a SO that is good to your son is all it takes for him to use as an excuse not to parent then he shouldn't have the joy anyways. I'd leave it alone if he wants to be a dad good if not well then good. Lol but I wouldn't go out my way for him to step up.
LadyBug190
by Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 8:34 AM

I've given him chance after chance. It's to the point where all I get from him is snarky comments about the mother I am and my SO. 

Quoting splatz:

I think you need to give him a chance to be there. Even if hes a jerk. The courts will be in your favor if you are actually trying to keep him involved. Let him choose to not be there, but at least give him a chance. 


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