Well - I am so upset writing this because I think I am finally realizing that I am with the wrong person and I dn't even think I like him as a person. Our relationship was on overdrive -- met - got pregnant within 2-3 months, got married 6 months later and here we are with an almost 8 month old! We go through periods of very good times, I feel close to him but he is a VERY spiteful person. If I complain about ANYTHING he is super cruel, spiteful, twists stuff, suddenly I go from such a good mom etc...to that I have it easy and my life is a cakewalk. LOL! I care for our daughter 100% every single day and just started a business from home. Really? Cakewalk? If I take small breaks to go out and do something for an hour like a spin class to clear my mind - he thinks im selfish. Cuz he was working and I was at spin. When I was pregnant I had a VERY high powered corporate job and worked my butt off while he was home going to the gym, etc...(he is a fireman and works 2 24hr shifts a week so he has alot of time off).He will say things or do things to intentionally hurt me although he would never admit that. He takes no accountability.
Anyway - without going into too much detail - basically I feel like he doesnt 'lift me up'. That if I am pregnant, I cant have more attention, if I make time for myself thats bad cuz he didnt - I am like GO RIGHT AHEAD! NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU! It's just been really toxic. We are not best friends. In his eyes we are maybe but not for me. Like I said, I am learning more and more about who he is and see we have gotten married for the wrong reasons. I do/did love him but its been too up and down and he is very cruel. I am super upset because I obviously have a new baby who is very attached to me, If I leave, of course I will have to share custody at this point and that tears me up to think she will be looking for me. I am trying not to engage with him cuz it goes nowhere quick but I guess I am just honestly feeling like I have zero faith in him anymore, think he's a wolf in sheeps clothing, and is out for himself. When he is mad, he will say things like 'Oh did mommy wake you up?" because the baby JUST happened to wake up when I walked by. Things like that. Is this bullying? Absue? I feel like it is. Basically its like I have to not complain about anything or ELSE I will get treated like garbage.
I am sorry to burden you ladies but I feel alone right now. I feel like I have NO idea what to do and just don't feel like this is someone I want to be married to anymore - eventhough we have been married less than a year. Any advice?? Oh and we tried counseling a few times but it wasnt really productive and made it worse. He just lied and said whatever the therapist wanted to hear. He presents a good face to the world....but is a heartless and empty man to me.