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I feel I am in the wrong marriage....

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:22 PM
  • 118 Replies
1 mom liked this

Well - I am so upset writing this because I think I am finally realizing that I am with the wrong person and I dn't even think I like him as a person. Our relationship was on overdrive -- met - got pregnant within 2-3 months, got married 6 months later and here we are with an almost 8 month old! We go through periods of very good times, I feel close to him but he is a VERY spiteful person. If I complain about ANYTHING he is super cruel, spiteful, twists stuff, suddenly I go from such a good mom etc...to that I have it easy and my life is a cakewalk. LOL! I care for our daughter 100% every single day and just started a business from home. Really? Cakewalk? If I take small breaks to go out and do something for an hour like a spin class to clear my mind - he thinks im selfish. Cuz he was working and I was at spin. When I was pregnant I had a VERY high powered corporate job and worked my butt off while he was home going to the gym, etc...(he is a fireman and works 2 24hr shifts a week so he has alot of time off).He will say things or do things to intentionally hurt me although he would never admit that. He takes no accountability.

Anyway - without going into too much detail - basically I feel like he doesnt 'lift me up'. That if I am pregnant, I cant have more attention, if I make time for myself thats bad cuz he didnt - I am like GO RIGHT AHEAD! NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU! It's just been really toxic. We are not best friends. In his eyes we are maybe but not for me. Like I said, I am learning more and more about who he is and see we have gotten married for the wrong reasons. I do/did love him but its been too up and down and he is very cruel. I am super upset because I obviously have a new baby who is very attached to me, If I leave, of course I will have to share custody at this point and that tears me up to think she will be looking for me. I am trying not to engage with him cuz it goes nowhere quick but I guess I am just honestly feeling like I have zero faith in him anymore, think he's a wolf in sheeps clothing, and is out for himself. When he is mad, he will say things like 'Oh did mommy wake you up?" because the baby JUST happened to wake up when I walked by. Things like that. Is this bullying? Absue? I feel like it is. Basically its like I have to not complain about anything or ELSE I will get treated like garbage.


I am sorry to burden you ladies but I feel alone right now. I feel like I have NO idea what to do and just don't feel like this is someone I want to be married to anymore - eventhough we have been married less than a year. Any advice?? Oh and we tried counseling a few times but it wasnt really productive and made it worse. He just lied and said whatever the therapist wanted to hear. He presents a good face to the world....but is a heartless and empty man to me.

by on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ricanmami88
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:30 PM
6 moms liked this
I'd leave him, than he will have no one to fight with just sit there and think about what he caused and lost because of his ignorance. No woman should be treated like garbage especially woman who are good. Just think about what you want, your baby doesn't have to witness his mean ways, you and baby need to be happy, and if that means divorcing him well so be it, your only hurting yourself staying amd putting up with his bullshit, you aren't garbage he proves himself to be.
Jaimegurl23
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:35 PM

Thank you...but i am so worried about no seeing my daughter everyday. He is a good father but lacks the patience and nurturing needed. He is a liar and I am afraid he is gonna try and take her from me. I am literally sobbing writing this,

Quoting Ricanmami88: I'd leave him, than he will have no one to fight with just sit there and think about what he caused and lost because of his ignorance. No woman should be treated like garbage especially woman who are good. Just think about what you want, your baby doesn't have to witness his mean ways, you and baby need to be happy, and if that means divorcing him well so be it, your only hurting yourself staying amd putting up with his bullshit, you aren't garbage he proves himself to be.


Ricanmami88
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:40 PM
4 moms liked this
He has to have proof of you being unfit mother to take away your child, get an attorney, write things down, keep proof that he verbally abuses you. Fight but don't give him what he wants, fight for you and your baby, if he's verbally abusive, he can be abusive in any other way down the road, don't wait he obviously doesn't appreciate you.

Quoting Jaimegurl23:

Thank you...but i am so worried about no seeing my daughter everyday. He is a good father but lacks the patience and nurturing needed. He is a liar and I am afraid he is gonna try and take her from me. I am literally sobbing writing this,

Quoting Ricanmami88: I'd leave him, than he will have no one to fight with just sit there and think about what he caused and lost because of his ignorance. No woman should be treated like garbage especially woman who are good. Just think about what you want, your baby doesn't have to witness his mean ways, you and baby need to be happy, and if that means divorcing him well so be it, your only hurting yourself staying amd putting up with his bullshit, you aren't garbage he proves himself to be.


Beebella
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:49 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm sorry sweetheart, you sound like a good person and you deserve to be happy. I definitely think you should leave him. He's not the man for you and it sounds like he will always be resentful that you got pregnant so soon and he was "forced" to marry you. I think that's here his cruelty is stemming from. He probably wasn't ready to be a husband and father so soon. He's going to blame you for everything wrong in his life because he takes no accountability and seems immature. Maybe try to pay low and figure out a plan to leave. Tell someone close to you so they can help you. Either your mom or a sibling or a friend. Map out a plan and give yourself a time frame. Your baby will be miserable if she grows up in a house with no love. You seem strong and independent and you will be just fine without him.
Jaimegurl23
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this

oh we are already there! He does NOT appreicate me at all - only when I behave how he wants. I am just disgusted I got married to this man and I feel so "stuck". I am going to talk to an attorney next time he is at work to get some info. I have been through a lot in life and have worked SO hard to be the person I am today. I am a good person. A very good person. Help a lot of people and love my daughter more than life itself. I am a good mother and his verbal assaults are just so ridiculous. I mean if I write down what he says cant someone just say I made that part up? He says enough in texts which are easy enough to keep but wont it be hard to prove that he said the things he said without a recording or something? I just honestly feel like im dreaming of having a new life. One where I can flourish as a person and enjoy my daugher and not have to be on his rollercoaster.

Quoting Ricanmami88: He has to have proof of you being unfit mother to take away your child, get an attorney, write things down, keep proof that he verbally abuses you. Fight but don't give him what he wants, fight for you and your baby, if he's verbally abusive, he can be abusive in any other way down the road, don't wait he obviously doesn't appreciate you.

Quoting Jaimegurl23:

Thank you...but i am so worried about no seeing my daughter everyday. He is a good father but lacks the patience and nurturing needed. He is a liar and I am afraid he is gonna try and take her from me. I am literally sobbing writing this,

Quoting Ricanmami88: I'd leave him, than he will have no one to fight with just sit there and think about what he caused and lost because of his ignorance. No woman should be treated like garbage especially woman who are good. Just think about what you want, your baby doesn't have to witness his mean ways, you and baby need to be happy, and if that means divorcing him well so be it, your only hurting yourself staying amd putting up with his bullshit, you aren't garbage he proves himself to be.



Beebella
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with a previous poster. Start creating a paper trail and write things down that he does to you or your baby. Record him on video or voice recording. If he is vicious he will try underhanded tactics so just be prepared and be armed with the truth.
Ricanmami88
by Member on Jan. 5, 2014 at 11:56 PM
Yes talk to an attorney, he or she can also give you advice and your not stuck you have options, if you worked so hard to be who you are you can work your way out of this crappy marriage. Don't just dream it make it come true find a way to print out the text messages, definitely store them and it could be challenging to get this divorce through but it's not impossible, you can make the difference. You only live once amd you amd dd should live it in a happy home, not around mean people.
celestegood
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2014 at 7:20 AM
1 mom liked this
You deserve to be happy. Document the abuse! If that means staying a few months, do it-but make your exit strategy.
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goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 6, 2014 at 9:06 AM

I agree with the others, leave for now, write everything down, good luck! *hugs You can do it!

johnny4ever
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by Mrs. Depp on Jan. 6, 2014 at 9:49 AM
2 moms liked this

He sounds like he is a emotional abuser.You don't deserve to be treated that way.

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