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Dealing with a 19 yr old daughter with a wild side...

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2014 at 11:44 PM
  • 11 Replies

Ok, so I could really use some sound help- my daughter is not someone I can trust- she has on numerous occasions lied to me or withheld the truth, as recently as today... I am one that does look inot her phone at times- when doing so I find she is not hte girl I know- she has never been one to share much and I fear her getting further from reach- drinking, smoking pot, not sure about sex...so hard to know how involved to get by starting a conversation that often she remains silent...how can I talk to her without her feeling threatened andto get her to open up?The hardest part is knowing things- 

by on Jan. 19, 2014 at 11:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
awebber4
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 1:58 AM
Take her some place you both enjoy. You have to show her you can be her friend too and she can trust you. She feels like you are going to judge her and make her feel bad if she opens up to you. Give it time and patience.
mindful23
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 3:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Feel sorry for you mama. Give her time and space. Sounds like she has control of her own life and theres not much one can do. She needs professional when shes really. Just give her support and dont delve into her personal stuff. Thats a sure way of pushing her further away from you.

Good luck


johnny4ever
by Mrs. Depp on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:46 AM

Sit down and talk with her..Communication is key.

mrsnoble2004
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 10:23 AM
3 moms liked this

Honestly I think if she is 19 she's a little old for you to be going through her phone. You are going to end up driving her away. 

goddess99
by Michelle on Jan. 20, 2014 at 12:47 PM

I agree, she's an adult. Tell her get a job and move out.

Quoting mrsnoble2004:

Honestly I think if she is 19 she's a little old for you to be going through her phone. You are going to end up driving her away. 


Kay300
by Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:07 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter will be the same age in a few more months.  She lives her own life, I have never searched her phone,...  She would never Trust me if I did that...   My daughter has drank, what kid hasn't...  She may have tried Pot, my newphew has smoked pot..., yes we don't want them doing that, but its not that big of a deal these days in a way..........    -----    A person this age does have to experiement a little with things and thats how they find their own way....  ----   I agree with the post that said, you two go do something you both love to do, and maybe there will be time to talk a little,.....   that means, letting her talk, not you.... --  Like someone said, at 19... all you can really do is be there for her and try and be a friend....      (One More Thing, at 19 you need to have your daughter on Birth Control, I took my daughter to the primary care doc, and he prescribed her birth control, if they are not sexually active, they aren't put through the pap smear so remember that, she doesn't need to go through that now... the Nurse said, they don't require the pap till age 21 or sexually active....  Please do this for your daughter.... unless you already have.... 

RKL10
by on Jan. 20, 2014 at 2:11 PM
I agree with this very good advice here

Quoting Kay300:

My daughter will be the same age in a few more months.  She lives her own life, I have never searched her phone,...  She would never Trust me if I did that...   My daughter has drank, what kid hasn't...  She may have tried Pot, my newphew has smoked pot..., yes we don't want them doing that, but its not that big of a deal these days in a way..........    -----    A person this age does have to experiement a little with things and thats how they find their own way....  ----   I agree with the post that said, you two go do something you both love to do, and maybe there will be time to talk a little,.....   that means, letting her talk, not you.... --  Like someone said, at 19... all you can really do is be there for her and try and be a friend....      (One More Thing, at 19 you need to have your daughter on Birth Control, I took my daughter to the primary care doc, and he prescribed her birth control, if they are not sexually active, they aren't put through the pap smear so remember that, she doesn't need to go through that now... the Nurse said, they don't require the pap till age 21 or sexually active....  Please do this for your daughter.... unless you already have.... 

Pammi86
by Pamela on Jan. 20, 2014 at 7:37 PM

I would take her to do something fun with you and then bring it up!

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2014 at 8:48 PM

I agree that she's at the age when you are sort of passed the line of "snooping" and worrying. I guess I'd just sit her down and lay it all out. The good, the bad, the ugly. She needs to understand the real life consequences for her actions (and she probably knows this, but maybe needs to hear it again). She needs to know you are there for her, but that you don't support these behaviors.

If it pushes the problem, so be it. In my experience, it is better to lay down the law at this point than to enable the behavior. She's old enough to not only make her own decisions, but to suffer the consequences of them as well. You might want to lay out the LEGAL consequences of many of these actions, and the effects that a criminal record would have on her future, at this point, forever.

My husband is an attorney. He's dealt with several juvenile deliquents. Even as young as 16 years old, he won't talk to the parents. He wants to talk directly to the kid - because in most states, the court treats 16 and up as an adult. 

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

splatz
by Sarah on Jan. 21, 2014 at 4:42 AM
The fact that you were snooping through her phone to find these things out will probably already make her pretty defensive when you try to discuss it. But like someone else said. Just lay it all out there.

At 19 she's old enough to know better. She's also old enough to know the consequences of her choices.
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