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Porn and lying

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 9:27 PM
  • 11 Replies
1 mom liked this
I've posted on here a few times about my relationship. I'm on the brink of divorce. I keep finding slutty pictures and porn on my husbands computer when he is swearing up and down he isn't doing anything then WHAM there it is. And like raunchy stuff...I've expressed that while I know some women don't care about it - I do. Before people on here go and bash me and say its no big deal or get over it, realize that's YOUR opinion. We have other issues: he twists everything on me, uses personal info during a fight as ammo against me, is VERY VERY spiteful and blames me for all of his actions. If I didn't snoop then he wouldnt have kept looking at porn behind t back. He says things like 'shouldn't have pissed me off...' it's all very mean. I feel like I don't know who I married. He's all defensive in one breath and justifying everything then he is sweet and SOMEWHAT remorseful promising change then....I find more. He takes no accountability and said the last batch I found was because someone at his firehouse must have went on and saved them...it's beyond hurtful - the lies especially. The broken promises. He saw it tore me up soooo much during my pregnancy especially and still kept doing it. My daughter and I temporarily moved out and I come to find out months after we 'reconciled' that that was basically the first thing he did when we left!! So porn is destroying ur relationship and we left becuse u keep doing it but....ur gonna keep doing it then berate me because I don't trust u and tell ME I have issues?? Do I have insecurity issues? Yes. I had some unresolved things from my past due to some bad relationships but he uses that to make the case that if I wasn't so insecure or needy then he wouldn't have HAD to spite me and keep doing these things. We have a 8 month old and I'm torn up thinking about shared custody n I'm sure he is going to be a total pr*ck when we r getting the divorce but I'm like wow this is not what I feel a marriage or relationship should be. I feel the porn and lying ruined our marriage. He acts like nothing has happened which is typical. Completely oblivious. He was saying to me how sorry he was when it first happened but then I overheard a conversation with his dad when he thought I was in the shower. "so she found some pictures...so what. Oh well". So I took that as hearing the truth. He thinks nothing of it no matter HOW bad he destroyed me time and time again and I guess it also proves it will never change....thnx for listeninf
by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 9:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
linmei
by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 9:42 PM
Sorry your having this problem. If your not ok with it then its a problem. Obviously. Maybe you should seek counseling? Talk to someone in the church? Maybe seek help for this type of behavior? If It's an Addiction maybe he needs help. If he doesnt care about your boundaries and doesnt want to change or go to counseling.. the question is this are you willing to stay if he continues? If not seek help for you marriage. Remember it takes two to work it out.
Jaimegurl23
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 11:35 PM
We tried counseling and he was in it half heartedly. He goes for a bit (we went together) and the it dies off. Then something happens again and I'm ready to leave n he comes up with something else or pulls the therapy card again. It's so toxic...there are so many layers to this that it is sad to say but we would both have to be essentially two different people or perfect to make this work out. He is literally begging me and the only reason I have stayed is my daughter. But it's gotten to the point where she is old enough and can sense the tension or gets upset re: fighting. That breaks my heart. E lives in a world where 'sorry' will always cover it. It won't and can't:..not after the 4+ time of promising he won't look at that stuff or promising he won't be mean or spiteful in a fight...he keeps failing. I just feel like everything I've wanted or needed doesn't matter n I don't like the direction my life is going in.
celestegood
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 7:56 AM
I am so sorry you are going through this. Can you go into counseling together? If your hubby puts in effort, it can really help. Otherwise, go yourself.
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Jaimegurl23
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 8:18 AM
Hi thanks. I just indicated above that we had and it's been a huge waste of time
delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 8:50 AM

Hugs....Hope you are able to work things out for yourself...

johnny4ever
by Mrs. Depp on Feb. 1, 2014 at 8:54 AM

I would do a trial separation maybe

MSJAP2010
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 1:52 PM
If he is going to continue to lie & be spiteful, I say it's time to divorce. He sounds like he doesn't want to change
JTE11
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 11:23 PM
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It's NOT what a marriage should be. He is addicted to porn and is abusive to you. He has no regard for you whatsoever. I always recommend counseling but there has to be a willingness and a sincere desire to change and it doesn't really sound like he cares. As much as I don't tell people to get a divorce, this is one time I'm saying it. Your baby will be growing up in a house filled with abuse, lies, anger, and porn if you don't get away from this person. I am so sorry this is happening to you but your DH cares more about the porn and controlling you than you or the marriage. Protect yourself and your baby and get out. H's going to beg and suddenly become nicer if he thinks you're going to leave but it's only about controlling you, not any real interest in being a healthy married couple or he would have made real effort to make real and lasting (that's the key part) changes. Anyone can start therapy and go for a while just to make the other partner happy for a little while so they forget to leave. Don't let him try to pull that emotional BS with you and see him clearly for what he is doing and go. Hugs to you, mama, you deserve so much better than what he thinks you do.

splatz
by Sarah on Feb. 1, 2014 at 11:27 PM
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If he doesn't see the issue and how much it hurts you he will never change. :(
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celestegood
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2014 at 2:03 AM
You indicated that you went together. Why not go alone? It can help you cope and learn techniques to deal with the issue. He doesn't have to go, although it helps.

Quoting Jaimegurl23: Hi thanks. I just indicated above that we had and it's been a huge waste of time
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