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Should we let him go? EDIT

My 10 year old ds (adoption gets finalized tomorrow) has been invited to a sleep over this coming Saturday and I'm not 100% sure I should let him go.

Just a little back story. We got custody of him back in September 2013, after a year and a half of being physically and sexually abused along with his 7 year old sister by their stepfather. When we got him he was very violent towards his little sister and started showing aggression towards my girls. He got to the point that he was rubbing himself on them and telling them nasty things and he almost shoved his little sister into our brush pile while we were burning it. After a hard decision we finally for the safety of everyone admitted him to a children mental ward. He spent part of October  all the way to right before Christmas in there. With medication and therapy he is a totally different kid, polite, pretty well-mannered for the most part, his behaviour towards the girls has changed big time.

The problem, not very often but sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night scared and will sometimes cry out for us, he even will have an accident in his bed. He has yet to spend the night with friends, only family. I really would like to see him go, he needs friends but another part of me is scared for him. What if he wakes up and gets scared that he cries or he ends up peeing in his sleeping bag? Then the kids will totally make fun of him. We have worked hard to pick up his confidence, just one bad night could really hurt him. What would you do?

EDIT: So after talking with the parents and talking between ourselves, we have decided that spending the night probably isn't a good idea for right now. So we have decided to let him go at the 2 oclock drop off and we will be picking him back up at 10pm. The other parents thought it would be better if he had a sleepover when it was just him and their son, instead of with 7 other boys. We have it planned for the follow weekend for that to happen. Thanks everyone for the advice.

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:25 AM
Replies (11-20):
MamaJwlz
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:28 PM

I wouldnt let him go, not yet, anyway.


* Be kind whenever it is possible. It is -always- possible. *
2m2t
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:30 PM

I would talk to the adults in the house he would go and let them know about potential issues that may come up, I would also talk to them about what to do to calm him down. If they would agree to have him over and manage any potential situation then, I would let him go. I wouldn't say anything to him before I would hear from the other parents. 

Another situation I would consider: going with him. I know it is not common, and it doesn't look good for his friends... but you would just visit with the mom not spend the time with him...

Quoting waytomanykids10:

 Oh he wants to go really really bad, he has done nothing but bounce off the walls since he got the invitation.

Quoting Janet:

How bad does he want to go?

 


Mommy.Erica
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:37 PM

Let him go.. explain to the parents his issues.. and be on call if you need to go get him

Janet
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:53 PM

I would let him then. Talk to them about him. (as much as you feel you need to) Then if he changes his mind as the night goes on to call you.

Quoting waytomanykids10:

 Oh he wants to go really really bad, he has done nothing but bounce off the walls since he got the invitation.

Quoting Janet:

How bad does he want to go?

 


TAG_ur_it
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:03 PM

get him some pullups.  His PJs will do a pretty good job of concealing them.   I would have a talk with the parents who will be supervising.  Let them know to keep him closer to the door and have them communicate with him so that he knows where to find them if he wakes up scared. 

ramita
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:08 PM
I'm not sure what I'd do, but I do know I'd consider giving him the options of staying for the evening until whatever time the parents are gonna put the kids to bed. Then pick him up. Y'all can just say y'all have plans the next day or something. Just a thought.
KenneMaw
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Can you let him stay until about 10 or 11p?  We used to do that with our DD and it worked great.   We just said we had do get up early the next day due to plans we already had.    With everything your DS has been through, I think I would give him a bit more time since he has only been home for 2 months.   Another idea - would you be willing to have a sleepover for a 1 or 2 friends at your home to get used to the idea.

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:08 PM

I would talk to the mom that is hosting the sleepover and get her opinion talk about a "plan" on what to do if this happens.  I would also talk to your son about it.   To avoid all embarassing possibilities I would buy your DS some GoodNites or whatever they are called, they look and feel like real underwear so the other kids don't catch on but at least if he has an accident nobody will know. 

littlepinkrose
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:21 PM
I would let him go. Get one of those thin good nights sheets one of those can be placed in his sleeping bag. It has sticky stuff on one side and is made to be placed on top of sheets but you can use it for the sleeping bag too. That way no one knows it's there and if he has an accident no one will know unlike if he wet the whole sleeping bag. And it should not be a big deal if he cries out. Kids are usually understanding of someone having a nightmare we have all had them.
Mselb1925
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:23 PM

Maybe have the sleepover at your house?

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