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I'm 110% perfect! Are you too?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2014 at 9:27 PM
  • 3 Replies
I work in the school district and a small child asked me if I was perfect. I responded with a "no, of course not." Than I thought more about it and I realized I had lied to him. I am perfect with a perfect family and perfect people don't lie, so I offended myself. Here is a day in the life of 110% PERFECTION:

My perfect husband wakes up and gets ready and leaves for his perfect job. My perfect alarm clock goes off and I crawl out of my perfect bed. My perfect sons share a room, so I wake them both up and one at a time they get up and get dressed in their perfect clothes for school. Neither want to get out of their perfect beds, so one is perfectly hollering at the other to, "get up, its your turn, I got up first yesterday!!" Oh, what music to my perfect ears. They eat their perfect breakfast and than out the door the 3 of us go. My perfect vechile is in the perfect garage. Oh, oops, we can't seem to get the perfect garage door open. Perfectly DAMNIT, it's frozen to the perfect ground. The boys tug and it opens and I back out my perfect car. It loudly whines down the perfectly rutted icy road, it is a perfect 5 below zero outside. My perfect 12 year old can't find something in his perfectly clean backpack and starts telling me, in a rather perfect tone, "you rushed me out of the house and I left it on the counter." Perfection right there ladies - a perfectly mouthy 12 year old, music to my perfect ears. I didn't have to work this perfect day, so back to my perfect home I go. The perfect dog is out of the fence, sitting ON TOP of my perfect picnic table in the perfect front yard. So, I open my perfectly good front door and the perfect angle dog and I enter and: badabing!! My most perfect cat, pooped on the perfect rug in front of the perfect door. Why? because I perfectly forgot to sift the perfect litter box, BEFORE we left for school. Oh the joys of having animals of perfection. Later in the day, I hear a licking sound. There is my perfect pork roast in my perfect crockpot, bubbling over and the perfect cat is licking the floor. I grab my perfect paper towels and rags and start cleaning everything. That took 30 minutes out of my perfect day. Oh, the joys of being so perfect!! The perfect four of us are all home now and ready to eat the perfect pork roast. My perfect sons set the perfect table and pour the milk. Milk perfectly spills all over because they were perfectly horsing around. The food was great, because it was perfect. We clean up the perfect kitchen and get ready for evening. My perfect sons take perfect showers, than decide to have a ball war with perfectly round small soft vinyl balls. When one misses hitting the other perfect child, the wall shakes and my perfect wall hangings shake too. With my perfect voice, I scream, "enough, get in bed and read." One child of perfection, can't find his book, so he starts the blame game with everybody, "it was right here, now it's gone, who moved it, where is it?" Oh, the sounds of perfection, once again are ringing through my perfect ears... Who is up for the challenge? Who is more perfecter than our family!!!
by on Feb. 8, 2014 at 9:27 PM
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Replies (1-3):
12yrmama
by on Feb. 8, 2014 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

;) I know what you mean. I am only in control of my perception. I perceive that things are right on track and I will keep chugging along.

12yrmama
by on Feb. 8, 2014 at 9:43 PM

My day:

The kids were ready and excited to start their day, what a lust for life, at 5:30. Perfection! The toddler has such brimming pride in her body image she stripped naked in a minute flat. Perfection! My dd will be a great leader and quickly rise to the top of any challenge, by ordering someone else to do it. Perfection! Our son uses his natural teaching skills to point out every mistake I do/say at all moments of the day and in any company. Perfection! Dh was such dedication to his job he will work through our anniversary, again, for no monetary compensation. Perfection! The gerbil came gracefully to the end of his life only moments before dinner guests arrived. The children so bonded to their pet wrenched open the cage to say goodbye, face to face.(cage now in garage...) Perfection!

Senile-felines
by on Feb. 8, 2014 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this
An absolute perfect world for you, also! Geez are we so lucky!! LMAO!! I'm literally laughing out loud...

Quoting 12yrmama:

My day:


The kids were ready and excited to start their day, what a lust for life, at 5:30. Perfection! The toddler has such brimming pride in her body image she stripped naked in a minute flat. Perfection! My dd will be a great leader and quickly rise to the top of any challenge, by ordering someone else to do it. Perfection! Our son uses his natural teaching skills to point out every mistake I do/say at all moments of the day and in any company. Perfection! Dh was such dedication to his job he will work through our anniversary, again, for no monetary compensation. Perfection! The gerbil came gracefully to the end of his life only moments before dinner guests arrived. The children so bonded to their pet wrenched open the cage to say goodbye, face to face.(cage now in garage...) Perfection!

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