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Follow up to my other post about punishment

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 4:56 PM
  • 7 Replies

Ok so after and incident on school bus that resulted in me getting a call from the driver, DD's punishment for the week was : she got the television taken out of her room, I confiscated her new Monster High doll and had to fess up to her father about what she had done. 

Now you must understand that the TV in her room for her is a BIG deal !!!  She spends a LOT of time in her room watching her TV, it's her way to unwind, relax after school, she even eats dinner (by choice) in her room 90% of the time in front of the TV and after her shower, she relaxes and gets ready for bed while watching TV.  Yesterday she came home from school and called me at work to ask if she was allowed to watch TV downstairs. And I said yes, until I come home from work.  But during dinner no TV, after dinner it's straight to homework, 6pm-7pm homework then shower and then she stays in her room until it's lights out.

DH thinks I'm being too soft by letting her watch TV after school.  He says I'm going soft and it should have been no TV at all, all week.  I am being too soft or is he being too harsh ?

And to my huge surprise my ex-husband who's usually as tolerant as an rabid badger  didn't blow a gasket when she told him about the incident and was all mushy about it.  ???

by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 4:56 PM
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Replies (1-7):
goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 12, 2014 at 5:50 PM
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I kind of agree with your ex, with no tv at all.

MusherMaggie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 5:51 PM
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She really should not eat dinner by herself 90% of the time in her room. She should have ongoing limits to TV time. Does she have any ongoing responsibilities? She sounds in need of ongoing discipline, not just boatloads of punishment when she does something wrong.
MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Feb. 12, 2014 at 5:52 PM

I agree.

Quoting goddess99:

I kind of agree with your ex, with no tv at all.

goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 12, 2014 at 5:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with MusherMaggie. Have dinner together as a family, that can help so much. It's a great time to talk and find out whats really going on in eachother's lives. Maybe just a few small changes could help a great deal.

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 9:16 AM

you agree with my husband ... not my ex   ;)

punishment was not discussed with my ex, she just had to tell him what happened

Quoting goddess99:

I kind of agree with your ex, with no tv at all.

 

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:10 AM

The whole TV things I admit,  is my own doing.  A lot of the bad habits she has now are my fault.  I started a few years back when I got divorced and became a single mom.  Time management was an issue and everyone was telling me to extra tend to DD so she wouldn't be traumatized.  When, I turned the "playroom" into an office, she got the TV in her room and eating in her room started out as a "treat" and then it became a habit, she will eat with us as well, but she chooses to eat in her room most of the time.  She does have ungoing limits on TV time ... She can watch it from the time she comes home from school until homework and then the last 30-40 mins before bed.  Sometimes she chooses to read instead or do art projects or play.  Sometimes we do activities as a family like play board games, cards or ping pong. 

As far as reponsabilities she has the standard ; clean your room, empty your lunch box when home from school, pick up after yourself, empty her trash, put away her clean laundry, she also feeds the dogs and/or cats when they are out of food, she does other tasks when asked like clean dishes, set the table.  But no,  I'm not one of those moms who makes my child my cleaning lady.   She has disciplin, but am I militant ? No.  My husband tells me all the time that I'm too soft.  He's right.  I just don't want to be the Super bitch-mom all the time.  You know, my parents were very strict and I just resented them, lied and stole.  When I was older, I came to respect my parents out of will not out of obligation.  I'm also very independant from them.   It's not necessarily the relationship I want with my own daughter later.  She doesn't get punished super often but when she does, it has impact.

Quoting MusherMaggie: She really should not eat dinner by herself 90% of the time in her room. She should have ongoing limits to TV time. Does she have any ongoing responsibilities? She sounds in need of ongoing discipline, not just boatloads of punishment when she does something wrong.

 

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:13 AM

 Dinner as a family has some issues which are too long to explain.  She is served at the table everynight, she has her choice of eating with us or take her plate to her room and the choice is hers.  I do get 1 hour of one on one time with her each night which is used to do homework and talk and more time if she chooses to do an activity before homework.  I also talk to her on the phone everyday when she comes home from school.

Quoting goddess99:

I agree with MusherMaggie. Have dinner together as a family, that can help so much. It's a great time to talk and find out whats really going on in eachother's lives. Maybe just a few small changes could help a great deal.

 

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