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Brink of Divorce --- 9 month old

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:49 AM
  • 35 Replies

So I am living at my parents now pretty much separated from my husband. We met, got pregnant, got married and had a baby in under two years and while yea that's a lot for anyone to handle, there are some things that are really making me consider divorce. I've even retained a lawyer. In the last I found raunchy pics on his computer. Got upset because it's not ok for me ( I realize other people feel differently), and told him that was a deal breaker. Ever since I have repeatedly found pics, emails to himself that were of singles ads, and porn. For me it's about more than the pics or porn - its about the blatant disrespect time and time again. The promising, the lying, the hiding. He tells me he does it out of spite because he feels controlled. I've moved out because he didn't keep his word, came back and it happened again. R also blames me for his actions. If I didn't go through his stuff - he would never continue to spite me....aside from this situation - he can be very mean. Uses stuff against me that I confide in him with, says stuff that is super hurtful and turns it all on me. He's made me feel so so unappreciated, under valued and my pregnancy was hell. Was all about him, his way, his timing, his boundaries...we tried counseling and #1 he just told he therapist what he wanted to hear...he was wrong etc...and after 3 tomes "he got it". Was above continuing. Well along came a situation where he perceived me to be a nag. Treated me like consternation crap n was awful to me for 3 days...that's his usual timeframe then acts like nothing happened. Needless to say I'm messed up from one day being amazing and the next 'I'm not allowed to complain, want something more or have an opinion...and if I do - I'm ungrateful, a nag, a miserable person etc...
He's now on his hands n knees cuz I've had it with his lies, meanness, inconsistency and unaccountability. He starting seeing a therapist again n feels its working. I want to believe him bad but this is the 4th chance?? 3rd time moving out in under 2 years...am I delusional?? I guess I wanted my daughter to have a nuclear family n it's killing me knowing age won't. But things have been reaaaaaaalllly unhealthy. Help. I'm confused. I don't want to waste anymore of my life, trust or tears on him but I also wish it was different...

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Beenhereforever
by Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this
That's what happens when you sleep with someone you don't know.... What did you expect was gonna happen? You are doing the right thing
Jaimegurl23
by Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:54 AM

you think so? part of me wants to believe he will change...but I guess evidence proves that he wont each time I went back.

goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:58 AM
4 moms liked this

If there's not trust and no respect even after you've tried over and over then you are just spinning your wheels and wasting time. You know your child can still have that traditional family, it will just be with someone else later (stepdad).

goddess99
by Michelle on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this

He's not going to change. If the threat of losing his wife and child doesn't kick him in the butt to change, nothing will.

Quoting Jaimegurl23:

you think so? part of me wants to believe he will change...but I guess evidence proves that he wont each time I went back.


Janet
by Ruby Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:03 AM

Yeah, I have to agree!

Quoting goddess99:

If there's not trust and no respect even after you've tried over and over then you are just spinning your wheels and wasting time. You know your child can still have that traditional family, it will just be with someone else later (stepdad).


Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

Take my word on this : STAY AWAY.  

No therapy, no promises will change his ways.  My ex-husband was like that.  He could be the nicest guy on earth and turn around and be vile and vicious.  I stayed married to him for 12 years believe it or not, because I took my vows seriously, then because we had a baby...  in the end, we divorced.  He criticized me to death too, and ended up leaving me for a 20 something year old.   He came crawling back a few months later and it was my greatest pleasure to tell him "Not if you were the last man on earth"   Breaking up and getting back together 3 times in 2 years is not healthy and has set the pace for the rest of your relationship.  Just bite the bullet and file for divorce.  You will be better off

 

Jaimegurl23
by Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:15 AM

I am afraid I wont meet anyone else...my self esteem is so shot...hes trying everything under the sun. Therapy, this and that except for what I asked for. I asked for my name to be on the house deed - he said no. So everything is still his way. He wants me to come back and just believe his word again because NOW he gets it. I know I can't...how do I believe a word of what he says when it has blown up in my face again and again?? I am 34 and worry about wasting any more time to end up years later here at my parents with maybe TWO kids...I dunno. Just sad and angry it is this way. Angry with myself that I got pregnant without knowing someone and marrying him despite MANY MANY red flags.

Jaimegurl23
by Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:17 AM

Thank you. Was he is a jerk during the divorce? I am worried he will be a completely vindicitive, spiteful and awful person...are you happier now? Did you meet someone nicer?

Quoting Jinxed8:

Take my word on this : STAY AWAY.  

No therapy, no promises will change his ways.  My ex-husband was like that.  He could be the nicest guy on earth and turn around and be vile and vicious.  I stayed married to him for 12 years believe it or not, because I took my vows seriously, then because we had a baby...  in the end, we divorced.  He criticized me to death too, and ended up leaving me for a 20 something year old.   He came crawling back a few months later and it was my greatest pleasure to tell him "Not if you were the last man on earth"   Breaking up and getting back together 3 times in 2 years is not healthy and has set the pace for the rest of your relationship.  Just bite the bullet and file for divorce.  You will be better off



Mazie0723
by New Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:24 AM
You will find someone, someone amazing who knows your worth and will treat you like you DESERVE to be treated. Change is scary but its for the best. I stayed with a man for 4 years who wore me down to nothing. Told me I will never find a man who loves me or who will care for my daughter like their own.

I met a man who is amazing treats me like a queen and loves my daughter and our kids together all the same. Good Luck!
Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:28 AM

 In the end I was so numb ... I had been in single mom mode for months I didn't care anymore but I didn't want to be the one to instigate the divorce. My father was going through cancer, there was a lot going on.  One night he handed me a glass of wine and said "I'm not happy anymore" to which I replied "I know" - we talked it out and agreed to separate.  I cried, I'll admit it because for me it was nearly 15 years of my life down the toilet and an epic fail.  I found out after the fact that he had a girlfriend ... then it got a little nasty.  Nonetheless we took a common lawyer for the divorce, I drafted the conditions, the separation of goods and never saw a court room it was done very quickly. 

it got nasty afterwards.  Once we were apart he wouldn't let go.  He would check up on me and freak out when I wasn't home, got jealous when I started dating and was constantly calling me.  He threw a fit when I got engaged and re-married.  He keeps insulting my husband out of spite and jealousy.  He's always trying to get me alone, wants to talk, wants to meet and I refuse.  The only way I speak to him out is through texts.  I actually had to drag him in front of a lawyer in the fall to dot the "i" s and cross the "t"s because he was getting way out of line.

it's the best thing that ever happened to me.  You don't realize how un-happy you are until you are free of that situation

Quoting Jaimegurl23:

Thank you. Was he is a jerk during the divorce? I am worried he will be a completely vindicitive, spiteful and awful person...are you happier now? Did you meet someone nicer?

Quoting Jinxed8:

Take my word on this : STAY AWAY.  

No therapy, no promises will change his ways.  My ex-husband was like that.  He could be the nicest guy on earth and turn around and be vile and vicious.  I stayed married to him for 12 years believe it or not, because I took my vows seriously, then because we had a baby...  in the end, we divorced.  He criticized me to death too, and ended up leaving me for a 20 something year old.   He came crawling back a few months later and it was my greatest pleasure to tell him "Not if you were the last man on earth"   Breaking up and getting back together 3 times in 2 years is not healthy and has set the pace for the rest of your relationship.  Just bite the bullet and file for divorce.  You will be better off

 

 

 

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