I need advice regarding my future mother-in-law. I am a young mom and live with my fiance's family until we both complete college. I am very grateful to have a place to stay without having to stress over bills. However, I have a few issues with her and do not know how to let them go or talk to her about them. I am normally very laid back and quiet by nature. She is not. She is very blunt and forceful. I admire these traits in her but also hate them as they are the cause of my problems.
First, she belives that up until my son starts school, I should not work. While that is a good idea, it is not going to be practical as in two years when we both graduate, I have student loans to pay off.
Second, she believes that because I am home all day taking care of my son as well as attempting to take online classes I should be able to have the house spotless. She constantly nags that she raised three kids, took online class, had dinner fixed by 6 o'clock, and had the house clean. The problem is she wants it spotless not clean. She also believes I have plenty of time to do school work while chasing after a one year old who wants to get into everything. Because of this, she says I never spend any time with him while I try to do homework when every one else is home.
Third (and the biggest problem), she tries to make my decisions for me. While I was pregnant, she and her mom decided what my son's theme for his things would be. Yes, I was not entirely there mentally, but I did want a part in the decisions that she wouldn't even talk to me about. I foolishly let it slide. Honestly, she basically named my son herself while my fiance and I did agree in the end because it continued family tradition. The recent her trying to control the decisions ended with her buying a themed birthday cake without even talking to me about a theme. It is supposed to be cute but really?! He is MY baby. We had also decided on a date as his birthday as well as mine and my future sister in law's are just days apart. She goes and changes the date to a day my own parents cannot be there for his official FIRST birthday party. I was so angry that I argued with her. What made it worse is that while I was trying to be polite (while shaking from anger) she was yelling and calling me a liar. She also said I was working everything around my parents schedule and always taking him to see them (when I often don't see them but once every two weeks though they live down the road). Her husband calmly stated that it was just a matter of miscommunication. He later agreed I was right however. Unfortunately, I had to tell my parents the disappointing news.
What should I do?