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Caught between a rock and a hard place ...

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2014 at 4:24 PM
  • 36 Replies

I'll make a long story short.  DH and I met online and had a long distance relationship.  He lived 700 and some miles away.  My parents met him for the first time about 2 months before we got married.  He's been here with me for 3 years now. 

Every summer we take a trip back to his home State so we can visit his family.  So a business trip came up for me in Chicago that's a drivable distance from DH's home town, after a lot of pondering, negociations, check on custody dates etc  I've decided to combine my business trip with a family vacation. 

I asked my mom if she would be willing to come and join us, fly with DD to Chicago ; My mom was all for it I told her, she wanted to fly to Chicago asap and spend the week there, take care of DD while I'm working .   Then I told her the Friday after I'm done working, we drive down to DH's home town, stay the weekend and fly from there come back home and that's when she told me ; " I'm not sure I'm feeling up to going with you there" I was kinda stunned. This would be her chance to see where DH comes from, meet his mom, meet his sister and niece and all ... When I told DH he said ;   I swear if your mom doesn't put in the effort to come and meet my family when she's RIGHT THERE, I'm never going to another family gathering on your side again. 

What do you think ?

FYI My mom would be staying in a hotel !!! I'm not making her stay in someone's home. 

by on Feb. 17, 2014 at 4:24 PM
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by Jennifer on Feb. 17, 2014 at 4:36 PM

Does she not care for your husband and that is why she doesn't want to meet his side of the family?

by Michelle on Feb. 17, 2014 at 4:42 PM
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Oh gezz well Idk, I can see both sides I guess. Did your mom say why she didn't want to go? Honestly I probably wouldn't want to bother either if it were me, it's not her family,  I wouldn't feel comfortable going either. But then I can see why your dh wouldn't want to bother doing your family stuff after that. I'm sorry, you're in a no win situation unless your mom changes her mind.

by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 4:58 PM

 that's what I don't get.  She cares for him.  For the few times that he didn't show up for stuff she gets upset asks where he is.  We have fun together we have an amazing race pool with her.  She's mentionned wanting to come and meet his family before.  I just don't know ...

Quoting MistressMinerva:

Does she not care for your husband and that is why she doesn't want to meet his side of the family?


by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 7:39 AM

Rock and a hard place is putting it mildly when you're being issued an least your mom was being honest.embarrassed

by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 7:47 AM
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I can see it from both perspectives.  In fact, it sounds like something that would happen in my family.  I'm always defending/making excuses for one member of my family or another.

I can understand that your mom might be uncomfortable visiting with DH's family, especially if the plan involves staying at their home. 

And I can understand where your DH is coming from too.  It may seem that she is being rude by not wanting to meet his family.

Hmmm.  This IS a tough one.  Have you suggested a hotel for your mother?  That might make things a little less uncomfortable for her.  She can have her privacy and space when need be.

As for ultimatums.  I don't know.  DH and I consider them "off limits", they are unfair and cause unecessary tension.

by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:27 AM
I agree, this is a tough one. Your husband is trying and not sure why your mother all of a sudden backed out. It does require a person to prepare to meet the family, but find out what your mother's reasoning is behind her change of mind decision.
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:39 AM

It's a little weird.

Your husband's ultimatum is also a little weird though.

I don't know. My parents get along swimmingly with my inlaws, and I cannot stand my MIL. Haha. We also have ALL the grandkids, so they are forced to see each other for most holidays because I just invite them all here at the same time. So you know, I don't really give them a choice. I think my mom would love to see where my husband grew up (a farm in Michigan) - but I also think if the table was turned, my MIL would be weird about going to my parent's house.

You kind of need your mom to babysit, right? Just give her the option of flying home early out of Chicago while you take your daughter to Daddy's house.

As for your husband... ugh... I don't know. Try to convince him to take the high road, rather than sinking to your mom's weird social level here. :)  Good luck.

Claire Wait

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by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 9:30 AM


Not sure...but here's how I was about things like this.....Our early days I would avoid or put off with visits because I felt uncomfortable. I also was not the best socially towards some and so things would be tense when I tried to go and so to not be bothered I would avoid or refuse and only go to my side of the family.....things are somewhat better now....

by Sarah on Feb. 18, 2014 at 9:46 AM
Is she feeling weird about staying with his family for the weekend? That sort of seems odd to me. But I guess it just depends on your family dynamics..
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by Ruby Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 9:49 AM

I can see her feeling funny about staying with someone she never met. Hope it works out for you.

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