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Half brother isn't allowed to meet my son...do i have any say?

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I have a 9 month old son with my fiance. He was previously married and had a very messy divorce from a very bitter woman. He has a 7 year old son with her and she refuses to let him see him and for my son to meet him. I know she has rights over her son so I don't think there is anything I can do. I'm worried about what to tell my son when he gets older. Do I not mention that he has a brother? I don't want him to think that I kept him from his brother, because I'd love for them to meet and I don't want to tell him the truth "his mommy thinks your a bastard child and doesn't want her son to be around you" What do i do??

by on Feb. 20, 2014 at 12:12 PM
Replies (61-63):
CJsMama519
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 9:53 PM

EVERYONE who has commented on my OP please read this. Thank-you.


This is believe it or not the short version of the amount of things that have happened. I feel like with this post getting so many crazy, off topic, rude and judgmental comments(along with some very helpful ones as well :-) ...I needed to explain as much as I could, so maybe those of you lashing out like you know the whole story or even a minute part of it, can know as much as my brain can handle to explain right now. Now you can stop filling in the blanks with your rude and hurtful assumptions...which btw-isn't answering my original question or offering anything positive. This site's supposed to be for mother's to connect with other mother's and give insight to situations to try and help, not to use as a tool to attack people for reasons you see as justified.

He has tried absolutely everything. In the beginning of our relationship my fiances' son was allowed to come over whenever he wanted (as long as his mother didn't have to do any driving) So we would drive about 30 min any chance we got, multiple times a week and he would sleep over at our place every other weekend, sometimes two weekends in a row....Then when my fiance told his her that we we're expecting a baby and asked her if it was okay with her for him to tell their son, she said "yes, I absolutely think he should know" enthusiastically too! We had his son over and we told him, well, his father did. Immediately after this precious little boy comes into the living room, sits down and has a HUGE smile on his face and says "I'm happy, but I'm sad too" I asked him what he was happy about and what he was sad about. He responded with "I'm happy because your going to have a little baby of your own, but I'm sad because it's going to hurt real bad to get the baby out of there" He was ecstatic. He would touch my belly and say hello to his brother or sister and give kisses. He called his mother right after this and was VERY excited. Telling his mommy how happy he was that he was going to have someone to play with and how happy he was that I was going to have a baby. The next day we brought him home to his mother's house. My fiance brought him to the door as he always did and would usually stop and talk to her, she just said took her son in and shut the door. She didn't respond to any of my fiance's texts or calls for about a week, to the point where he got very concerned and had a well being check done on the house. He was paying her over $300 a week in child support at that time too. She contacted him a little more than a week later saying she didn't think it was a good idea for her son to be over alone at our place anymore, she gave no reason, nothing. We asked her to come over with him if she would like, or I would even leave the house and let her come and be with her son at our place so he can be with his daddy too, she refused. Then she went a little crazy, sent some bizarre messages, and cut off contact. She got a lawyer (after they both had agreed to not use lawyers as he was paying her WELL over what the state would have required) He was still trying to be amicable, and she took him for everything he had. And please keep in mind, they owned a condo together that my fiance had paid for and paid off, and he GAVE it to her, because he didn't think that would be right to split the cost of selling it and put his son and ex wife out of a place to live. He also made very clear to her if she ever needed anything done around the house or was having issues he would help her. Needless to say, she got a good lawyer, my fiance was naive I guess but also understandably confused as well! She went for a VERY high amount of child support a week, along with a lot of other really ridiculous clauses. After all this I had my son and had a rare syndrome called HELLP syndrome, had my son 3 months early, and we both almost died. He was born at just under 2.lbs and I was intibated and on machines to keep me alive, receiving one after another blood transfusions. It was bad, and my fiance lost a job he had booked for his company that was going to be at least a $50,000 job. Then we lost everything. I had a nurse taking care of me, he couldn't leave me, I had almost no vision, my blood pressure was at stroke level almost constantly...and then we lost our apartment. We had to move into my parent's house to try and get back on our feet, and we're still here just trying to get by. His ex knows all of this, and the last time they went to court, he was behind on child support because he had reported that he had lost his job due to a medical emergency, her lawyer asked to judge to purge him(which means they think you have money and you're just holding out so they sentence you to prison for a certain amount of time, or you can pay the "purge" to get out as soon as you pay it. I sat with 4 mo old preemie and watched her lawyer speak and then they cuffed my fiance and took him to prison. We were both shocked. He had been paying, and had been sending in the appropriate paperwork explaining financial hardship, but he wasn't able to afford that and then her lawyer fees are also included in the purge agreement. So I had to borrow $2,400 from a family member to get the father of my son out of prison. ***$1,200 of that was from child support arrears (which at $300 a week is 4 weeks, and they weren't consecutive***The remaining $1,200 I had to pay was for her damn lawyer!!! All of this after our son had literally been released from the nicu weeks before! Since then there has been no communication really at all. She won't respond to anything, she just has her lawyer send paperwork, my fiance cries over how much he misses his son and how he's terrified of what she is telling him, but is stuck in between a rock and  a hard place because he's still not fully caught up and the child support reduction paperwork that was filed months ago still hasn't been finalized. It's kills me to see him miss his other son so much and it kills me to not be able to see his son as well, and to see his son and mine together.

Now, we're living in one bedroom in my parents house with our son. My fiance works constantly and we're barely making enough to get by for ourselves, and paying child support on top of it. He's facing jail time again because she's going after him for contempt for back child support, and I'm just trying to hold my family together.

The End.

celestegood
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 1:22 AM
1 mom liked this
Eventually, they will meet. Just tell him he has a brother, and someday he can meet him.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
celestegood
by Gold Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 1:28 AM
1 mom liked this
I kind of dealt with a similar issue, but it was never resolved. I married a man who has an ex wife in Germany. She left him, and he moved back to the states. Four years later, we met and married.
She called us and told my husband her new husband beats her. That she wants him back. He told her off, and offered to take his kids so she can get it together. She hung up, and we never heard from her again. We called her. We wrote. We called her brother, sister, her mom and dad-not one person told us a thing, and her brother said, "I don't know and good riddance-I don't care."
So, wow.
We never heard from the kids again. They are adults now, 23 and 24.
I told our kids about their older siblings, and that their mom doesn't want them around us. They asked questions, and I did (and my husband did too of course) the best I could to answer any and all questions.
I always assumed his ex wife left her husband and disappeared to another city in Germany. Not that we'll ever know.
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