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Help my 10 year old son is out of control!

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 5:37 AM
  • 59 Replies
My dh and I are at our wits end with him. And please don't tell me a good a** whipping will help. He is violent and very mean. I do have him in therapy. He refuses to talk. We are on the verge of having him committed. We love our son, but I'm afraid he is gonna hurt one of us. He has a younger brother that gets most of the physical abuse. Please how do we handle this? Please don't think that we let him do what he wants. I,m at my wits end! HELP
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 5:37 AM
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by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 5:45 AM
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Have you tried taking everything away. No tv computer, or electronins. every thing comes out of his room,except the bed, he gets two or three outfits. And nothing else.  Tell him when he acts right for a certain amount of time he earns back an item. Then over time he gets back privileges. Dont give in. Once he has a few things and he acts up again take it all back out and start over.

The only other suggestion is boot camp or military school

by Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 5:48 AM
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Isolation from positive reinforcement often creates more violence.

Continue therapy.  Are you also in therapy as parents and then also with your child?  Have you talked with a behavioral therapist?  If not GET ONE.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 8:34 AM
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I used to work with delinquent teens in a wilderness therapy camp. I'm going to suggest you get professional help before your son does something detrimental to himself or your family.

What a professional therapist is going to essentially do is figure out why is he acting out? That is step one. Figure out what need he's attempting to meet through violence. It is one of 4:

- love
- power
- freedom
- fun

Then,  they will provide tools for your and your son to learn and teach him how to meet his needs appropriately. He also apparently needs to learn how to deal with anger issues. Violence is nothing to mess around with, and getting control of this earlier rather than later is key. (At some point he is going to do something at school or in public and end up with a criminal record.)

You say you are thinking about having him committed. If you are truly at that point, I'm telling you to go with your gut. If it is as bad as you say, you are not crazy to think that you need an intervention and professional help. Good luck.

If you have time, a great and somewhat short read is Reality Therapy by William Glasser. This was the basic approach we used in our program. Our boys lived at this camp and didn't "graduate" until they met all their behavioral milestones. It was life-changing for 90% of them, but very very intense.

Claire Wait

My blog:

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 9:27 AM

 Good luck with everything, keep us posted.

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by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:04 AM

I have a friend with a 10 year old daughter like this. I applaud you getting him help  All she does is make excuses and the little boy gets beat on. I don't know the answer but at least you are trying.

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:39 AM
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Thanks for all the positive post! I refuse to give up on my little boy! Even if it means inpatient help.
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:51 AM

well what does the therapist say ??  I think he or she is way better than any of us to give you advise !  Violent behavior is not to be accepted.  What can you do ?  Consequences, punishment, therapy, help .. maybe he needs to be medicated ?  Does he have a diagnosed problem ?  How does he behave in school ? Or is the agression stricly at home ?

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:03 PM
Is there alot of tension and yelling at home? Is any of the parents fighting depression? What about are overly controlling? Perfectionist? Is the kid a perfectionist, have control problems, or even have depression?
There are so many reasons kids act out. Don`t take me wrong. I am not trying to blame anyone. Kids have problems like anyone else. With no reasons outside there own minds. Just trying to get a feel.

Have you ever tried doing art with him. Let him get out his struggles in a safe and fun way? It may sound silly but it really can work.
What about taking him to a soup kitchen to help others out. Get him involved the community helping others in some way?
by Michelle on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:09 PM
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If his therapist agrees with the impatient help I would go that route. Good luck dear. Keep us posted.

by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 1:56 PM
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The main thing you need to figure out is WHY he is violent. Every action has a motivation behind it. Then once you figure that out, you figure out why that is working for him and then change that. It may seem like I am laying the blame at your feet, I'm not, I'm putting the power in your hands.

If you do decide to commit him, please please please, do your research. I had to commit my oldest and all they ever did was put him in a straight jacket and shoot him up with drugs. If I had known then what I know now, I could have handled him better. I would have known what I could have done differently to get a more positive result. I have figured out that the power was always in my hands,I just didn't know it.

Good Luck Mamma!!!!  (((HUGS)))

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