by Jeanne Sager
Neighbors. Can't live with 'em; can't sneak a 'for sale' sign onto their lawn to force 'em out. Oh, true, there are people out there who have those "borrow a cup of sugar" neighbors (all five of them), but a Pew survey a few years back found more than half of Americans don't even know the names of the people living next door! Not exactly the "open door policy" you see on most sitcoms.
America is full of bad neighbors. Really bad neighbors. I once had a lady around the block who threatened to shoot my dog, right in front of my kid!
But that's nothing on what some folks deal with on their block. If you think you've dealt with the worst ever, well, just wait! The Stir asked folks to share their absolute neighbor from h--l stories, and let's just say we're glad we don't share a neighborhood with these folks!
1. The mentally ill man across the street who would lean out the window and threaten to kill "all you motherf--ers" when I was home alone with the kids was a "favorite." He also would tell my husband, every time he saw him, that he knew my husband took his wife's gun and he wanted it back (we didn't have the gun!).
2. Does finding a 200-plus-pound Wild Eurasian Boar with a ton of babies in your yard where your children play because the neighbor breeds them and doesn't fence them in qualify as having a neighbor from hell?
3. We lived upstairs in a duplex at one point, with a man living below. One day we were outside in the backyard, chatting with friends who had dropped by, and the man from downstairs walks out of the house, walks across the yard, gets to the edge of the garden, and swiftly drops trou ... and begins peeing in the garden ... while we just watched in horror (it was like a trainwreck; we couldn't look away).
More From The Stir: I Forbid My Son to Befriend the Neighbors' Annoying Kids
4. [Our neighbors] took a picture of my brother and me outside after I showed him our house (we were stationed at the same post and he was deployed by the time we got a house; he came home on R&R while my hubby was still deployed), found my husband on Facebook through a mutual friend of theirs, and sent him the picture, saying, "I thought you would like to know your wife is cheating on you!" They got pissed when he responded back saying that was his brother-in-law and to keep their nose out of my business!
5. The apartment building in front of my house was being run by an absentee landlord. There was always trouble and problems. They had dogs that were unfed, garbage all over, burning anything they felt (sofas, glass, bottle, tar, mattress, tires, etc.). Then two of the tenants teamed up and started dealing heroin.
One day I was about seven months pregnant, and I went outside to find my cat. A local guy who was friends with my husband when they were kids came out of the apartments next door. He got into his car, tied off his arm, and shot up right in front of my house. I was freaking out; I literally hid under my porch because I didn’t know what to do. When he left, I called the cops and they told me sorry, we don’t have a car in the area. I went nuts but it was pointless. For about two full years, I was scared to go outside. I wouldn’t let my niece and nephew play in the yard. I would carry the shot gun around to let them know I was armed. It was out of control!
6. The neighbor on the left side of my house is why I aggressively went after getting my pistol permit. He screams at kids if they even get near property line, drives his ATV up to my back door and screams at me if the dog or cat cross property line, sits in his car in our driveway honking horn if he wants to tell us something we did wrong, put nail strips in our trails on our property, rides his ATV around in middle of night on our property, sneaks up on me in the dark while I am putting wood in outdoor wood furnace, hangs out in an old camper with a C B radio talking to outer space, and we haven't seen his wife in four-plus years ... we think she's in the freezer. I have to keep shades closed on my bedroom window because we caught him looking in with binoculars from the tree line, dressed in those outfits Navy SEALs wear when they are hiding out.
7. My neighbor would report us to the landlord for my 2-month-old crying too loud and even came to our door once with a shot gun slung around his back telling me to "shut that kid up."
8. My last neighbor thought that I should keep my child indoors when she had her dog outside because he would get riled up if she was playing catch or swinging or running around. Not even being loud, just being outside. When I told her she was crazy, she tried sending me a bill for a fence she wanted to put up saying that since my child bothered her dog, I needed to pay half.
More From The Stir: 7 Celebrities Who Make Terrible Neighbors
9. My neighbor took my husband's truck one day without asking and drove it to town to get pizza for the guys blacktopping his driveway. Another time, we came home and he had unloaded the motor off of a refrigeration truck into the back of my husband's truck! It was never ending.
10. We lived upstairs in a two-story house, and our neighbor lived below. We were living in southern Virginia, where you can imagine it would get quite hot in the summer. It would be 100 degrees out, and we were dying in our apartment. We had all the windows open, we had fans going, we were sitting in a bath of ice cubes, and still, we were baking. We finally found out the neighbor (an older gentleman) had the HEAT cranked to 80-plus degrees downstairs ... and it was heading straight up into our apartment! We found out he was running his A/C and cranking up the heat to get warm. When we asked him to turn the A/C off, he got mad at us and threatened to throw us out (he was the landlord). Needless to say, we moved on our own!
11. We had a neighbor who truly had metal health issues. He told everyone we were drug addicts and dealers (we're not!) and videotaped our house constantly. He also sent a letter around our entire town telling people we were evil!
12. We had a neighbor who kept parking in our driveway. One early morning we wake him up to move his car because we have to get the car out of the garage. He screams and yells, punches me, punches my wife. I lose it and get him into a headlock and start punching him back while my wife screams for help. He finally wriggles free and to end it all before he drives away yells to me, "You're a man, you're a man!" I guess he'd never been beaten up by a girl before!
Think those are bad? Check out these neighbor from hell stories posted on Reddit:
13. I used to have a neighbor that would constantly throw trash over their back fence into my yard, did it all the time. During the summer, I would go out to the shed in the back and find the most random [stuff], like a ripped open stuffed animal, used diapers, etc. I started throwing the trash back over, but it kept coming back no matter how much I battled it!
14. We lived next door to this old man who sat in his front yard BLATANTLY just staring at us with binoculars. He only did it when my parents weren't home. When my mom confronted him, he claimed we were lying. We weren't. So one night we hear a noise outside, and my mom pulls up the blind to find herself eye-to-eye with this old man trying to look into our window.
15. My dad had a broken ankle, but noticed our neighbor collapse in his backyard. My dad ran over to him and helped him, called the ambulance, etc. Our neighbor sued my dad over it, claiming he worsened the injury!
Think you can top these? What's your worst neighbor story?