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What Are Your "Oh God, I'm such a mom" Questions?

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:04 AM
  • 10 Replies

25 Crazy Things Only a Mom Would Ask Herself

by Jeanne Sager

frustrated motherThe other day I sent my husband a frantic email asking, "Did you remember to put [our daughter's] lunchbag in her bookbag this morning?" These are the sort of questions that haunt me now that I'm a mom. Did I pick up a present for little Johnny's LEGO birthday party this weekend? Will the stretch marks EVER fade? Will my boobs ever look like they did when I was 20?

Yes, it's true, ladies, you are the same woman after kids. But the questions that plague you are not. Behold ... if you ask yourself any of the following on a regular basis, well, you might just be a mom!

1. Is that poop on my hand?

2. (During sex): Oh my God, did I just hear footsteps?

3. Is that someone breaking into the house or did the dog just step on the See N Say again?

4. How looooong until bedtime?

5. When is the last time I ate a meal that wasn't in nugget form?

6. Who even thought to call them nuggets anymore? Doesn't that sound like something you'd dig out of your nose?

7. Speaking of noses ... is that leftover food stuck to the table or a dried booger?

8. Is cereal for dinner healthy? Oh screw it. KIDS! Rice Krispies! 

9. Do I REALLY get to go to the grocery store alone tonight? Yippee!

10. Did I take the frog out of his pocket before I threw those jeans in the wash?

11. Does this minivan make me look like a mom?

12. Is this song from Yo Gabba Gabba or The Wiggles?

13. Is Sleeping Beauty's real name Aurora or is that Snow White? Which one has the little dwarves and which one has the fairies? And why do I care again?

14. Is there a kid with peanut allergies in Sam's class or is that the one in Lila's? Or is the kid in Lila's class allergic to strawberries? Crap ... I hope we have turkey.

15. Will they need therapy if I keep calling them by the dog's name?

16. WHY did I sign up to be a chaperone? WHY?

17. Cheddar Bunnies or Goldfish?

18. If I joke that I want to sell my kids to the zoo on Facebook will someone report me to CPS?

19. Does Twilight Sparkle have the purple mane or the pink one?

20. What the heck is a Ninjago anyway?

21. Is Chuck E. Cheese the 7th circle of hell or is that a playdate with Jimmy and his mom? Maybe the 9th circle?

22. Can they really tell this is a diaper bag?

23. How do you get Desitin out of carpet?

24. Will my kids be embarrassed if I wear a bikini? Will I be?

25. Do LEGOs sprout extra pointy edges in the middle of the night?

What is your "Oh God, I'm such a mom" question that you find yourself asking?

by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:07 AM

#25 now!

by Ruby Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:10 AM

I love this! Thanks for sharing! It's so true!

by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:22 AM
Is that dirt on the back of his neck or fine hair growing in ? ( after I've scrubbed it red and he's crying) should have been a clue!
Cafe MichelleP
by Head Admin on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:47 AM

Is that smell the wet dog or my sweaty child?

by Michelle on Mar. 15, 2014 at 11:50 AM

Lol sad but true.

by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 1:27 PM
Nearly all of those!
Plus: is it completely evil to hope my kids pet dies before I have to clean or feed it again?
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 2:07 AM
All true! love this.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 2:11 AM
lol...wen did mama take shower last ?? oh well one more day wont for hair go dirty few days..

do i have 2 kids or 3 ??

is that dog poo or kids or something else?
by Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 7:20 AM
Why is the rum.always gone??
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2014 at 11:24 AM

lol #22....when mine were babies, my diaper bag became a carry all for purse, diapers and a little of it all:)

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