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Punishment

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM
  • 20 Replies

Do you think it is ok to take a birthday or christmas gift away from your child as a form of punishment?

I ask because one of my sons BD gifts was a wii. He loves it of course. I don't agree with physical punishing like whoopings, they don't work. However, the child of mine has gotten suspended for a week for taking his brothers psp to school and playing with ith during class. The week suspension is not from that, it is from the fit he threw once it was taken by the principal. I want to permanently take his wii console. Should I make it a permanent or temporary thing?

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 5:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Roo1234
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 5:55 PM
4 moms liked this
I'm a firm believer that the discipline needs to tie directly to the lesson to be learned.

Perhaps he would learn more from having to apologize (to the staff) for the tantrum, and from brainstorming better responses for his anger, than from losing something that isn't really related to the offense.

I guess the bigger question is "what is your end goal? A lesson learned, or a punishment that beeeds anger and resentment?

goddess99
by Michelle on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I would not take it away permanently, then it's just a waste of money and everyone will be unhappy (I know you can sell it and all but still). Take it away for a couple weeks or a month then give it back if no other behavior issues have occurred.

johnny4ever
by Mrs. Depp on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:02 PM

I have learned taking long term does nothing for my son.24 hours does.

Mishy2
by Michelle on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:55 PM

I agree with this

Quoting Roo1234: I'm a firm believer that the discipline needs to tie directly to the lesson to be learned. Perhaps he would learn more from having to apologize (to the staff) for the tantrum, and from brainstorming better responses for his anger, than from losing something that isn't really related to the offense. I guess the bigger question is "what is your end goal? A lesson learned, or a punishment that beeeds anger and resentment?

 

mcginnisc
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Honestly, I think taking the Wii does apply here. He took a hand held game system to school- without permission AND it was not his. My girls would lose their electronics. As far as the tantrum, they would be writing apology notes to the staff at the school, the sibling ( for taking their item without permission) and we would also be discussing *how* to address the anger/upset that occured when being disciplined. He needs to understand that taking things that don't belong to him is wrong, but he also needs to understand that his behavior when caught was unacceptable. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

MrsFavors
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 11:50 PM

 

Quoting Roo1234: I'm a firm believer that the discipline needs to tie directly to the lesson to be learned. Perhaps he would learn more from having to apologize (to the staff) for the tantrum, and from brainstorming better responses for his anger, than from losing something that isn't really related to the offense. I guess the bigger question is "what is your end goal? A lesson learned, or a punishment that beeeds anger and resentment?

 I most definetely don't want the anger and resentment, that's why I'm actually taking time to think this out and also why I am unsure what to do. I want to make sure he learns and in the future makes better decisions. In my day a whoopin was the answer to every crime, but that obviously doesn't work. I guess that what it is, i am torn between punishing and teaching. Can I do both? Should I do both? Guess I'll start with him writing apology notes. Thanks for helping.

MrsFavors
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 11:55 PM

 

Quoting mcginnisc:

Honestly, I think taking the Wii does apply here. He took a hand held game system to school- without permission AND it was not his. My girls would lose their electronics. As far as the tantrum, they would be writing apology notes to the staff at the school, the sibling ( for taking their item without permission) and we would also be discussing *how* to address the anger/upset that occured when being disciplined. He needs to understand that taking things that don't belong to him is wrong, but he also needs to understand that his behavior when caught was unacceptable. 

 Thanks, you sound like a firm and stable parent. I totally slipped on remembering he did offend his brother too. Do you mean taking the wii forever or for a while?

Mrs.Bolin
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 12:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I would temporarily take it away for a long time. A month if it were my kid. And he would have to earn it back with best behavior etc. Im not one of those strict nutty parents but i think taking it away for a month and him earning it back is a reasonable thing to do.But in the end its your decision and what ever you choose is best for your child and i respect that :)

mcginnisc
by Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:30 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting MrsFavors:

 

Quoting Roo1234: I'm a firm believer that the discipline needs to tie directly to the lesson to be learned. Perhaps he would learn more from having to apologize (to the staff) for the tantrum, and from brainstorming better responses for his anger, than from losing something that isn't really related to the offense. I guess the bigger question is "what is your end goal? A lesson learned, or a punishment that beeeds anger and resentment?

 I most definetely don't want the anger and resentment, that's why I'm actually taking time to think this out and also why I am unsure what to do. I want to make sure he learns and in the future makes better decisions. In my day a whoopin was the answer to every crime, but that obviously doesn't work. I guess that what it is, i am torn between punishing and teaching. Can I do both? Should I do both? Guess I'll start with him writing apology notes. Thanks for helping.

I don't think taking it away permanently is wise. He needs to learn that when he does something wrong, he is not being punished forever for that crime. There needs to be balance here. I would personally take my girls electronics for a set period of time with the caveat that IF their behavior at school and home improved there is a chance for them to get it back. 

He took a gaming system to school, so losing his gaming system fits the crime IMO...If this is his first offense doing something of this caliber, you can set the time limit for a shorter period of time...long enough to get his attention, but not not enough for him to forget why he is being punished. A week or two max is what I would do personally.

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 10:49 AM

do it temporarily.   I find super long term punishments are useless anyways ... 1 week is the longest DD has been punished.  And you need to disciplin on the spot - right away.   Not 2 days later.  

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